Family is asking why I didn't fight for custody......?

Question

I divorced my ex amicably 2 yrs ago. We lived 1 mile from each other, and I didn't fight for primary custody, we went for joint. All good, right? Well, I moved back in with my parents 18 months ago, and my ex and his new wife and kids moved to the opposite coast. My father and my brother have criticized me repeatedly about not fighting for custody of my son.

This is painful for me. My mother was never any help in caregiving for my son, but my ex had a big family ready and willing to help. Not only was my mother not a help, but she put me through emotional abuse from 12 to about 15. Right around 15 I was old enough to tell her to screw off, lol......but when my son visited me over spring break, my mother called him an asshole, because he was playing with and therefore working up her dogs. He was not mean to the dogs, he was playing.

My father knows my mother is this way, but still holds it against ME that I don't want my son raised with her. And my bro doesn't get it.

Answer 1

so why dont you tell them to mind their own business. Or just simply tell them that their emotional abuse which is hard enough for you to put up with is not something you want your child in. You need to do whats best for your child and you are right to not have him living in that home. I would move out as fast as i could so that the next time your son comes he is not subjected to that. otherwise he could go back and not come back for that reason alone.

Answer 2

So what is your question? This is a question and answer forum. If you don't have a question, then you are in the wrong place. Sorry!

That said, it sounds like you are being a wise and loving mother to me. You basically made a sacrifice for the well-being of your children. Your immediately family, of course, is biased and blinded by that bias. Members in abusive households often blind themselve to the reality of their environment as a way of coping and hiding their problem. So it is natural that they would act this way. Ignore them and continue to do whatever it takes to provide your children with the best life they can have. If that means letting them live with their father, then so be it, but make certain that you continue to play a significant role in their lives!!

Good luck!

Answer 3

Navy_Brat913;

I would suggest first that you move out of your parents house. Don't be disrespectful to them, just let them know that you have a family now and that you are going to live near your family. Then move to the state where your ex and child are.

Next, speak with your ex and explain that you need to be a part of the childs life. It is very important that you be a part of the childs life. The child needs both parents, not one and not a paycheck. The child needs equal time with both of you. Do not abrogate your responsibilities to another. Do the best you can for the child under every circumstance.

I have included a few links below that I am sure will help both you and your ex find a way to put aside your petty differences and help you work together for the sake of your child. Studies show that equal time with both parents will make a child more likely to grow up emotionally well adjusted and healthy, and more likely to perform better in school and life.

God Bless

Frank Pytel

Side Note: Various Google searches

“Child Custody” : 1,800,000 hits
“Child Custody” -Lawyer : 1,680,000 hits
“Child Custody” -Lawyer -Attorney : 1,460,000 hits
“Child Custody” -Lawyer -Attorney -Judge : 1,260,000 hits
“Child Custody” -Lawyer -Attorney -Judge -Litem : 1,250,000 hits
“Child Custody” -Lawyer -Attorney -Judge -Litem -Law : 587,000 hits
“Shared Child Custody” : 1,270 hits
“Joint Child Custody” : 790 hits

http://www.deltabravo.net/
http://www.fapt.org/index.php?option=com_frontpage&Itemid=1
http://www.f4j.com/
http://groups.yahoo.com/search?query=shared+child+custody
http://360.yahoo.com/my_profile-O8EcRbkhYrI8Y76FID5PBDX6;_ylt=Av95cKrS2heIv727lcF0FuikAOJ3

Answer 4

Any choices that you made for you and your child are the choices that YOU made. Your parents can only give their input. Of course their going to say what they want cause they are parents. Their going to tell you what you should've done, even if you didn't have the resources to procide for you son. Honey, don't let what you parents say get to you. As long as YOU KNOW that YOU made the RIGHT choice for your is all that matters. Hopefully since ya'll have joint custody, you can either make a verbal agreement and work out visitation if ya'll haven't done so. I wish you the best of luck hun and remember this and learn this, cause I had to. As long as you know whats best for you and your family and you make the decisions accordingly, you can not be wrong in your heart. Regardless of what friends or family say. Don't let them make you feel wrong about your decisions. Again, I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 5

Tell them that you want what's best for your son. Him being with his father is the best place. Tell them, he will be better there having a positive male role in his life. If that isn't enough then when they bring it up tell them you aren't going to talk about it anymore.

Answer 6

you just need to do what U think is best 4 u and the kids in this situation. as long as u are comfortable in this and the kids then that's on you not them. in this day it is OK. you go and do what u need to do. maybe you need to move out then there would be less pressure from your family on the decisaions you make.