Should I uninvite a dinner guest? Can I?

Question

I have a friend who I have invited to Thanksgiving dinner, primarily because she is having child custody problems (the children are with their dad now), and I didn't want her to spend the holiday alone.

She is a vegetarian, so I am doing my best to be accommadating. I've discussed the menu with her, and she has told me the things she doesn't eat for ethical reasons, but then she began to tell me all the things she will not eat just because she doesn't like them, which includes almost everything I'm making for dinner! She said to me "Oh don't worry, I'll just make myself some pasta or whatever is in the cabinet." I was offended at just the thought of her coming to my house, and refusing to eat the food I'm preparing. I have no problem adjusting for dietary reasons, but I feel that a guest who won't eat what is being prepared is being very tacky, and I just don't know if I want her there with my in-laws. Can I uninvite her? If so, how can I do this? Would I be a real jerk?

Ok let me be a bit more clear...the deal is it isn't that Im serving food she can't eat, it's just food she doesn't like (although I am amending my stuffing and greenbean casserole recipes to keep meat out of them). I don't feel that I should keep from serving our traditional holiday dishes just because she is a picky eater, and it seems pretty tacky for a guest to come to your house and refuse to eat the food you are preparing.

Answer 1

That is extremely rude and ungrateful of your friend. Simply tell her that you would love to have her but you have already finished your food shopping. You have a menu set and really are in no position to go out of your way to add additional items to the menu. If you really want to uninvite her, you could always calmly and politely explain to her that relatives invited themselves last minute and their tastes will most definitely conflict with hers. (After all, why make vegetarian food if only one person will be eating it?). I understand she's going through a rough time, but that is no excuse for taking advantage of one's friends, especially around the holidays. If she persists in being annoying about the menu ask her to bring a dish for everyone to enjoy and explain that there are items that you're sure she would enjoy if she tried them. I understand your frustration; I shudder when I have to cook for vegans/vegetarians and to be a picky eater on top of that is just too much to impose on someone. Best of luck and don't let her ruin your holidays.

Answer 2

You can uninvite her but I am afraid what will happen to your friendship. I dont know. I am just guessing.
Seems like she likes Pasta so why dont you make her one?
Think about the excuse you might have to say when you uninvite her "Oh I cant invite you to my dinner because I dont have anything you like at the dinner".
Yes, she is being tacky. Well, she is a vegetarian so what can you expect?

If you feel like your friend is open minded and wont mind in uninviting her, then you should tell her why. If not, if you wanna keep your friendship going, dont do so.

If I were you, I would make the pasta with the other stuff I make so all the guests are comfortable. Its just me, I dont know how you feel.


Have a nice day!

Answer 3

Hmm...Well, given the situation, I think that it wouldn't be too rude to uninvite her. I mean, she has rejected everything you've offered, and seems to be too picky for you to do anything. It just seems a little ingrateful....I would be nice and just let her know and understand the situation, and tell her the truth about the way you feel...But at the same time, that can be a risky thing to do. Especially if you already made a promise to her...Just try to use your better judgement. Put yourself in her place, and think about whether or not uninvited her would be the best thing. You may decide to just keep your promise and let her come this time around, and not invite her to anything in the future. Or maybe you could uninvite her, and make it up to her by taking her out another day? It's a difficult situation, I know...But sometimes you have to think about your happiness over other's.

Answer 4

You probably will not like my opinion but, here goes. If you did not have mis-givings when you invited him you should not un-invite him now. You say he was "charged" with a crime. Not convicted. The only way i would un-invite him is if were a threat to anyone. When he arrives, take him aside and politely ask him to keep a low profile and that if he does not he will be asked to leave. You do not owe the other guests an explaination. Don't be rude yourself. This is the Holiday season.

Answer 5

I say.... Throw her to the wolves, let your in-laws totally teach her a thing or two about politeness... she is the one being rude here... not you... ethical reasons for not eating something served are ok... (like being a vegetarian) not rude.... medical reasons for not eating something served (for example like me allergic to coconut or a diabetic) thats fine too.... not rude... refusing to eat things because she "doesn't like them" and saying she will just cook something else... definitely rude... and worth commenting on.

I would just explain to her, that it is your special meal, you invited her out of the kindness of your heart, and that you are inviting some people who expect politeness at family gatherings and that things could get ugly for her if she wants to be rude...

or not tell her anything and throw her to the wolves....


I vote for number two

Answer 6

Just give her a jar of pickles and a fork
I have a friend who's vegan and can be such a real pain in the a $ $
I'm beginning to think that extremely strict vegans should just eat at home and then bring something like a gift to someone's as a "Thank you" for just having them in your house.
How about them apples?

Answer 7

i would tell her, look, i'm sorry you don't want to eat the food i am planning to cook. i have tried hard to accomodate (i can't spell) you and you still say you won't eat the food so in this case i would prefer if you do not come after all. i'm sorry if this seems rude, but i think it is rude for you to refuse the food i am offering. i care about you and was trying to help you but i cannot if you won't cooperate with me. i feel offended that you said you will cook something else other than what i will have put so much effort into.

Answer 8

no, you tell her you are preparing a thanksgiving dinner, and you hope. the she will enjoy the vegetable part of the dinner, and I'm assuming your will serve some kind of bread. and the deserts, vegi people eat vegis, bread and desserts, and you leave it at that. if she goes for your pasta, you politely tell her I have made vegis, we have bread and dessert. good grief you will have potatoes, yams maby green beans, no you will have plenty, and to have to make pasta, tell her to bring her own, you can micr. it for her, don't let her ruin your thanksgiving. I know how that can be with in-laws.

Answer 9

If having her as a guest will ruin your Thanksgiving, better tell her earlier so that she can have other plans for herself. You see, it's better to be honest now than have a bad time during the day of the occasion.

Answer 10

Having made a number of holiday dinners myself, I'm sure your dinner includes at least two cooked vegetables, as well as, say, mashed potatoes and some "crudites" (olives, pickles, etc.). If your friend cannot make due with that, then she surely should make plans to dine elsewhere.