Planning daughters wedding. Disagreeing big time on photographer.Compromising not working. What to do?

Question

They are set on one photographer, and we have looked at many, many and cant agree. My budget, their wedding. Any advice?

Answer 1

She who wields the check book makes the decisions. However, it's pretty sad that you have to attach strings to your gift. Unless the photographer they want is more expensive, let them pick what they want. I advise doing what my mom did when I got married. She gave me a check and said this is what I can afford to give you for your wedding, do with it what you want. Let me just say that you don't owe your daughter a wedding, you don't owe her anything. If she's old enough to get married she's old enough to pay for it.

Answer 2

From one dad to another.

I may have a unique insight on this one.

First, I am a commercial photographer by trade althought not a wedding photographer.

Wedding photographers have a unique challenge.
They have only one time to get it right. AND they have the additional challenge of pleasing EVERYONE with not only the quality of their work but to include ALL the people you expect to cover in the photos without closed eyes, open mouths and perfect lighting. It's a very challenging task.

My advise is for you, your wife and your daughter to fully understand everything. Especially having 2 or more family "spotters" to guide the photographer on WHO to shoot so that you include all of those that you want to have in your photo album.

Regarding budget: Prices range widely. I would rather have a photographer that shows up with an assistant (because they really need one). Next, find out about the details in pricing.

I would probably sacrifice a few table spreads or decorations for the photography budget.

Remember, the only thing left after the wedding is over are the Gifts, Wedding Dress and the PHOTOS. And guess which ones will be hanging in the living room for the next 50 years?

Once everyone in the family understands this put the burdon on choosing on your daughter.

It's her wedding and her memories. Remind her that her gift to you in return is for you to be able to share those memories too!

This should make here think responsibly and with more care.

Good Luck with it dad!

Answer 3

Let your daughter have the photographer she wants. It is, after all, HER special day! Don't let something like who is taking the pictures put a damper on either one of you. It is a special day for you both and you should be enjoying every second of it. I did not agree with most of what my daughter wanted but it was a lovely wedding and when it was all said and done I was so glad that we did not let some disagreements come between us and spoil anything. I did get my way though with putting disposable camera's on the tables everywhere. Some of those candid shots are worth so much more than what the photographer did! Good luck, but I think you should let her pick whom she wants on this.

Answer 4

Is this mainly a budget issue or a taste issue? Because, if the problem is that the photographer they want is too expensive, it's fair for you to tell them exactly how much you're willing to spend to help them pay for a photographer. If they want a more expensive one, they can decide whether they want to pay the extra themselves. If it's not important enough to make them willing to share the cost, then they don't really need it.

But, if the problem is that you just don't like the photographer in question... it's alot more polite, even if you're helping with the funding, to let the people getting married choose what they want. It's their wedding after all, it's supposed to be the best day of their lives and whatnot, so it's only fair that they should be able to make it as close to what they want as possible.

Answer 5

Just Peggy,

I am in this situation as well, but I'm the bride and trying to compromise with my mom. I know one of my biggest things is to have a wonderful photographer there to take wonderful photos that I can have forever and love. My mom agrees, but doesn't see the beauty in pictures as I do, so she can settle with a cheaper one with "okay" photos. I know what I want, but I also know that I am not paying, so even if it's "my" wedding, I can't expect to get everything I want. We together decided to splurge on this photographer, as long as I was able to cut back on the difference of the two photographers elsewhere. Which I did. I found a cheaper DJ, cheaper centerpieces, cheaper florists, and was able to make it work. I know you want her happy, but your budget can only do so much. Just let her know that what she wants is important, but this is give and take. If that doesn't work, pay for what you were willing to and ask for your daughter to pay the difference. It's only fair, as I'm sure she will understand if you present this in a nice way. (Seeing as being pushy might make the bride go crazy) Hope this helps!

Answer 6

Yes. Give the couple what you have budgeted for the wedding. Allow them to spend it as they wish. If they want something that costs more than what you have given them, then they must pay for it themselves.

My personal opinion is that if two people are mature enough to marry, then they are mature enough to pay for their own wedding. It is gracious and generous of you to assist them. They should be appreciative.

So if they want a photographer that costs more than you have budgeted, they should make up the difference themselves.

Answer 7

If it is your budget (you're the one paying), then I would just give them the money/budget, and tell them that's your gift to them, that's what you can afford, and they can decide how to divide it between their vendors. Then I'll leave it at that. That way, you've given your part (financially) and they can pick and choose what they want to spend on each detail of their wedding.

They can choose to spend as little or as much as they want on the photographer and then they can work with whatever is left from the budget. Good luck.

Answer 8

Yep. I highly recommend giving in, with the exception of one situation: cost. If cost is the only reason you are disagreeing, as in they want someone much more expensive than you are willing to pay, then I think they need to reconsider. OR... you pay what you can afford, and they can pay the difference. It's 2007, not 1807. It is kind of antiquated for a parent to pay for everything these days anyway. If they can't stay within your budget, then they need to put forth some cash to pay for things. Hell, I paid for my OWN wedding. Her parents helped out with a couple of things, but you can bet we stayed within the budget!

That said, if the reason for the disagreement is anything else besides money, then I think you need to back off. You are right. It is THEIR wedding. Make sure this is the day of HER dreams. You already had your dream.

Answer 9

let them pay the difference guess what after the pictures come back & life is back to normal guess what no one will be looking at those REALLY expensive pictures again. they go back in the REALLY expensive box. to b forgotten for a REALLY long time. u as the parent need to be realistic & grounded say no & end this i know u want everything for her wedding but remember the bill will come after wards do u really want to b in debt. if u give in to the photog whats next the flowers? the limos? the hall? plz put the brakes on this know b4 it snowballs. & u will have bridezilla on ur hands. WE looked at many many & cant agree unfortunatley u r just the banker is this hurricane i bet u anything that if u back down on this photog situation she will let u know that its her wedding & that u should stay out of the decision making when the next big battle starts on the next decision dont back down this is the $ amount u have & thats final stick to ur guns on this one REMEMBER ITS YOUR BUDGET DONT END UP IN DEBT MANAGEMENT BCUZ OF ONE DAY. yes u will argue put ur foot down & leave it at that if the couple cant afford it then they will eventually understand & go for the lesser priced photog sometimes quality isn't always in the price gd luck god bless &enjoy ur baby's wedding

Answer 10

Hmm... depends on the disagreement. You're paying, but it's your daughter's wedding, so I know you want her to be happy too. If it's something you can let go for her sake, that'd probably be best for everything. However, if it's something where you know better or money, etc. just try to talk it out as reasonably as possible so that she understands your problems with the photographer.