What would you do when someone says they hate Christmas?

Question

So that they dont ruin your Chistmas.

Do you think there is any way to change how they feel? What would you do to nudge them gently into enjoying Christmas? It isnt about the money, or the gifts because I have always believed Christmas is about being with good friends, or family, if you have any, great food, and just enjoying yourselves. I have never gone all out for Christmas, not since the kids were very little.

What would you buy a man who says he doesnt want anything, doesnt need anything, doesnt think Christmas should be used as an excuse to buy things for people because it just another day. He doesnt mind chowing down on turkey and all the trimming though.

No he isnt Jewish, or cheap, he is just a real grinch --

DID I saw all Jews were cheap? Apparently you need an ESL class in reading and understanding. I said he isnt Jewish and he isnt a cheap person,

I was giving everyone a thumbs up for their thoughtful answer and accidentally hit your answer as well, half asleep here, but please consider it a thumbs down instead Firstname aka First Man etc

He buys presents himself, not a lot, but he does, the thing is when others are having fun and ask "come on and play a game with us" he does his monologue on xmas or just walks away, rudely IMO

He IS with his family for xmas, this is the problem ! He is not alone and I have asked him if he has bad memories of xmas, and he says no. Maybe he is missing the happiness gene or something? :-( My dad was the same way with his family, he would only perk up when his brothers and their families arrived for dinner -

Answer 1

some people have their reasons,
my mum died just after Christmas suddenly (heart attack) I had to take down her tree and all the decorations.
I hate pupping my own up every year I remember that chrism as over 20 years ago now

Answer 2

Feeling different than you do about xmas does not make someone a bad person. Maybe he is not a believer in god. I'm not and so xmas has no special meaning for me. I do take advantage of the fact that everyone is off from work at this time and cook a meal while the kids and grandkids are visiting. I have participated in some holiday festivities with my husbands extended family and it was fun. I don't care for a tree either. It is just work to me.
But if the guy does not want a gift don't keep trying to give him one. Also there is nothing wrong with the guy wanting to eat a good meal when it is offered no matter what time of year.
If he is going to attend the meal he should keep his opinions to himself while a guest in someone elses home though. Unless he is asked.

Answer 3

There is always a reason for strong hate. It may be rooted in his past. Maybe as a child he watched everyone else have great christmas's and his werent so good. eventually his hurt became anger at the holiday. The best thing to do is to heal the hurt. Dont push your "happy christmas spirit" on him. This is a time of pain for him.
You can help him heal by rebuilding what was missing. Buy him a small gift, nothing expensive but something really personalized. Show him the love that it is about, and not the money that it is about. He must have felt unloved when he did not have a great christmas as a kid. All it takes is one bad christmas in the childhood to make the man dread it for the rest of his life. You can change his opinion if you make it a holiday time, not a "spend all you can on decorations and gifts for people who dont need them." Instead of buying everyone a gift they dont need, just make something special for this man and maybe cook for some poor people or go out and do something good for someone. Make it a time about real love and caring and not about fake decorations and superficial love.

Answer 4

First of all, I'd take the one thing he accepts about the holiday -- free food -- and use it against him. "No Christmas Spirit, No Chistmas Food." Christmas eve and Christmas Day, he'd eat McDonalds and White Castle. This will give him a taste -- pun intended -- of what not participating in this wonderful day fully tastes like.

Second, I'd take him at his request for no gifts. My reason for this is more complicated. You see, I love Christmas. My favorite one day of the year since I was tiny. But at this point, I pretty much buy the things I want, and I don't like anyone feeling the pressure of hunting for just the right gift. The result of my not needing anything, and my love of my family that makes me not want them to have to go to any trouble for me, makes me be contented with a pack of Koolaid or stick of gum under the Christmas tree. A card is fine, or nothing at all. It's not Grinchiness at all, but realizing I don't need or want for anything much. That's contentment, at least in material terms.

Third, I'd get away to my own private Idaho, this person wanting to come along or not. Pop the DVDs of It's a Wonderful Life and Christmas Carol (1951 Alistair Sim edition) and A Christmas Story in and enjoy them all Christmas week. Put your radio on the Carol station and if a favorite artist has a Christmas CD out -- very diverse artists do, you know, from Tony Bennett to Sarah McLaughlin -- spin those for 6 hours a day. Be willfully determined to be in the Chritmas frame of mind, whether he wants to make the trip or not. This may result in his getting into the mood too, one hopes. But if not, it will send the message that that's who YOU are, what YOU cherish, that it strikes a deep feelgood chord within YOU, and that unless he's a total oaf, he should honor YOUR preferences.

Good luck.

Answer 5

I would make Christmas as enjoyable and stress free for him as possible . Buy him a favorite food item or nothing for Xmas and don't expect presents. I would ask him what he hates MOST about Xmas.
Then don't expect him to do it ( like putting up a tree or buying presents ). It could be that he hates to waste all that hard earned money on unneeded presents and get a bunch of junk he does not want in return.

I hate Christmas too but would not mind it so much if I did not have to go on a present hunt , I hate buying presents.

If you don't have any expectations from him , he and you can enjoy Xmas in your own way.

Answer 6

Sounds like you have been together for a while , and the kids are grown. Maybe he would like to be with just you on Christmas and not have a lot of the family over. Why not go on a romantic get away this year. He might like Christmas after all. Let him buy you a nice dinner and enjoy the time together.

Answer 7

It would be very hard to change ones views about Christmas.
The man needs love and understanding, which is what he hardly gets for the holidays. Those who been hurt over the holidays are not as chipper as the ones who believe in the happiness of the season.
The only gift this type of person would appreciate is the gift of your presence--and also, the holiday gatherings of family and food is the warm holiday feeling to his heart--which is through his stomach.

Answer 8

I do not think you can force anybody into liking anything......I know I get a lot of crap because I do not do Christmas like a lot of people do.....I do not decorate and the kids only get 1 gift each......But it is a very good gift. And we spend time with family and friends and have a nice dinner. I, personally, am tired of all of the greed I see at Christmas time and how everyone is thinking about what they are going to get.
To me, it should be a time of rememberance, thanks and charity.....But then, shouldn't we be like that all year round?????
Wouldn't it be great if everyone took the time to spend time with family, do good works and be so giving all year round????

Answer 9

Maybe he is just lonely and this is a reminder of all the emptiness in his life and he feels like a failure not having family around him..

Holidays are hard when you are alone and have no one to share with. Some people who have more wealth than others have "Christmas" all the time, while others have meager things so it is different for them.

Answer 10

Besides not wanting gifts, does this man try to stop other activities? I'd not try to make him do anything he doesn't want to, but you could try inviting him to do things he doesn't object to.

You said he'd chow down on the turkey, so I'd ask him to contribute to the meal. Let him know that you love to have friends and family together for the meal, and that you appreciate him being with you all. He could cook or bake something, set up the table, be in charge of drinks, wash and chop any fruit or vegies, help plan the menu, do some of the food shopping with you. You could even be sure to prepare some of his favorite dishes-kind of like being a secret Santa...prepare something he loves without making a big deal out of it. That could be your gift to him.

I wouldn't try to change his mind about exchanging gifts. I'd accept his stand on gifts, I wouldn't buy him a gift or expect any gifts from him. This doesn't mean that you should change your stand on exchanging gifts with other people. Enjoy yourself, and don't worry about not including him, tell him that out of respect for him you will not buy him any gifts. Continue to invite him to participate in other activites, but if he says no just accept it.

Sometimes the best gift we can give to other people is to accept them as they are, without thinking of them as a Grinch and without letting their differing opinions ruin our fun.

Answer 11

I'd just be sensitive about it and listen to what he has to say. Maybe there's a bad experience in the past, something with his family... becareful trying to "nudge" them into liking Christmas-- it might cause them to get even father away from you if they really don't want to talk about it. think about it this way: think of something that you dislike and really don't like, wouldn't change your mind on, etc. and how you'd feel if someone tried to convince you otherwise.

as far as a gift, just get him something to let him know that you're thinking of him and want him to be happy regardless of the holiday. don't get anything christmas related, but something he has an interest in