spanking...?

Question

I'm 17 years old and I have a question so embarrassing that I have to ask it on yahoo answers. My boyfriend and I like to experiment we both know that I have know limits so we tried spanking. He was into it, i really dont care. I really didnt care. I was dealing with it at first and than he got rough. When i asked him to stop he kept going, and when i started to cry he kept going. When i asked him why he waited until i bled to stop he told me he thought i was enjoying it. Hes normally a great guy. Im kind of confused. How do i handle this? How do i approach him and is what he did wrong in any way?

Answer 1

Safeword or no safeword, he had to have known he should stop.

I enjoy these kinds of bedroom games myself, and I've been spanked for more years than you've been alive. I have NEVER bled. Never. Not a drop. Nor have I ever cried.

Safewords make sense, but I didn't use one with my first partner. I was about your age, and neither of us knew about them (pre-internet). I don't use one with my husband now. Regardless, it shouldn't take a safeword to stop someone, PARTICULARLY the first time.

If this is something you were exploring together, it would have been normal for him to keep checking in with you. This was NOT your fault for not having a safeword, and this young man was most assuredly capable of controlling himself. He CHOSE not to.

When you make yourself vulnerable this way to someone, you have to be able to trust him/her. He has, IMO, just proven himself to be unworthy of that trust.

There are many that are aroused by giving or receiving spankings. Some of them are simply abusive. Be careful.

I wouldn't give him a second chance to hurt me.

Answer 2

I really don't think that this is anything more than a joke question. Most questions that start off sounding normal and then go into the extreme are bogus and merely the work of someone in dire need of attention, so they look for it here. I've spanked enough young ladies to know that it takes a LOT of spanking by hand in order to cause bleeding, unless you're naturally onion-skinned. I've met a few that did bleed easily by hand, but they're the rarity, and it wouldn't be anyone's fault if a spanking caused them to bleed, because even a light spanking could do so.

That being said, if you bled, then you also would have been heavily bruised by this point, and probably screaming your head off if you weren't really into it. Considering this, you either would have attracted the attention of anyone nearby to come to your rescue, or he'd have easily noticed that you were in distress. Even a newbie spanker could figure THAT out.

Please don't tarnish the reputations of spankos by printing this drivel, and save the space for those with real problems to address.

Answer 3

Yes, uhmm, ok. Guys have this thing when they are horny where once they start doing something, their bodies and hormones take over completely and they can no longer reason. My boyfriend is a wonderful person but he can get rather stubborn or have "selective hearing" in the heat of the moment. Frankly, if he won't stop when you ask him to then you need to FIGHT. Get up and walk away. Cover yourself up. Do something which will make him less horny and get his reasoning to come back. Hit him...whatever. When he sees how upset you are he should have the common decency to stop and apologize. What he did IS wrong and you are correct to be upset.

You don't have to be with him again if you are not comfortable with it. If you are, have him promise not to spank you before you get started. The best way to approach him is to be completely honest and tell him exactly how he made you feel and how you feel now. If he's a good guy, he will respect you and honor your wishes. If he's a jack ***, break up with him. If you are honest with him it should become obvious to you which kind of guy he is soon enough.

Answer 4

Any type of BDSM activity should be safe, sane and consensual. That means you must both consent to the activity. You must also have a "safe word" that means "STOP NOW" and the other partner has to respect that word. Quite often, women in the throes of passion say NO NO NO when they mean YES YES YES and apparently that is what your boyfriend assumed. He was wrong. Before you enter into any such contact again - establish a word that means NO. Make sure it is a word that is totally understood by both of you. If and when you use it - all activity stops immediately. There are women out there who will consent to light spanking but who are unwilling to take these activities farther - into paddling, whips, floggers, canes etc. That is your prerogative. If he took you to the point of bleeding without your consent, he broke the cardinal rule of BDSM. This should have been discussed prior to any sessions and limits should be clearly established. If he is unable to abide by your limits, it should be clear to you this is not a relationship you are interested in continuing. Never let anyone push your limits. In any Dominant/submissive situation, it is the submissive partner who actually controls the activity. Their limits are the limits of both. I would recommend you both visit the website Castlerealm. There is a lot of information that will help you. There is also such a thing as a BDSM checklist where the partners each complete a list by answering yes or no to a variety of activities. A true Dominant will always respect the limits of the submissive. If your boyfriend is unwilling to do so, he is not a true Dominant, he is just wrong and taking advantage of you. Play carefully and safely. And remember that those cuts and bruises on you should be watched and cared for. They are hematomas and if one moves, it could turn into a dangerous blood clot. Safety first. Persiphone

Answer 5

Many of these people are just plain rude! Everyone has some type of fantasy, whether they admit it or not. Don't take the rude answers that some people have left to heart. With that said, is he bossy/controlling out of the bed? If he is, then you may have a problem. If not, then sometimes guys/men like to take control/dominate in the bedroom because it gives them a chance to be 'men'..I really don't know how to word this, but men have are taught to be the breedwinners/in control of a relationship..but nowadays, it is more equal. It is proven that when a person is having an orgasm, they block out the 'love' feeling for a moment and focus on the pleasure. Maybe that is what he was doing. I would just talk to him...but if he does it again/exceeds your boundaries, then you may have to leave him.

Answer 6

Sounds like he can't stop once he gets started.

The bottom line is that you have the right to say no/stop at any time and if he continues he is then liable to face charges of serious sexual assault should you decide to prosecute.

He has discovered that he gets sexual pleasure from giving you pain and if you continue to allow him (without respecting your limits) he will become more brutal and possibly dangerous.

If he can't stop himself from hurting you then it is better that you give him an ultimatum to stop spanking altogether or else NO SEX or intimate relations.

You must regain control or stop having sex.

If he still continues with his sadistic streak then it is better for him to seek the services of a qualified sex councilor (doctor should refer him).

You are only embarrassed because you are 17, actually you sound very mature about it.

If he violates you again ONE more time (exceeds your limits) you must finish with him, it means that he is out of control and will continue, you will be in danger.

You are not a masochist and therefore the two of you are not compatible.

Answer 7

spank the toddler where the clap will be heard right back to the bones of the primate The clap is heard only in the room But in the generations that it will be passed down to like a the wings of a butterfly, the vibrations of air- the chaos theory is produced onto the heir I had really thought you were making a poem about the five finger shuffle (just looking at the title)

Answer 8

your b/f is into BDSM probably more the SM part...sexually you might not be compatible. Sex should be exciting, sensual, for both not just for one person. you both have to communicate determine where to compromise lies. You need to be specific in what you are willing to do and what you are not. you need to come up with a word such as a "safe word"...meaning that if you verbalize this word during intercourse it means for him to STOP. if your threshold of comfortability is continually challenged, without consent than you need to get rid of him. his lack of self control is very disturbing. if you find yourself in the same situation again than find the family jewels and squeeze them as if you were trying to make a diamond outta coal.

Answer 9

When you play with S/M (Sado-Masochism, which this is) the people involved have to come up with a "safe word." This is the word that both agree means "stop right now." Otherwise you get the situation you just had; he didn't know you really, REALLY meant stop.

Doesn't matter what the word is. Armegeddon is a good one but it can be anything (except something that might come out naturally, like "oh god!") :)

Answer 10

It shows he has a problem if he couldn't stop even if you were crying. He may be insecure and feel the need to be dominant. Tell him that is not cool anymore and start to experiment in other ways. By the way, if he hits you it may be time to bail.