I know a child who is young around 8 1/2 who is going through a rough time, his mom and dad are splitting up and he feels the pain deeply. During the day he is very compliant and does well but at night around 6:30 or so he gets very fresh and arguementative to his mother and he also gets very irritable and seems to like testing his moms patience. He gets very sassy with his speech and also mouths off.
My question is what can I do to encourage this child and share the love of God with him? And what can I do to make a difference in his life?
2007-11-10 14:45:15 · 8 answers · asked by encourager4God 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
Children spell love T-I-M-E. Spend lots of time with him and provide him with that person in his life that will listen to him. Allow him to express himself to you without judgement of what he is saying. (Unless it is safety related). If you don't agree with something he says. If he says, "I hate my parents!." Instead of focusing on his words, focus on how he is feelings and acknowledge that feeling. "It sounds like you are very angry with your parents." Some time young children need help naming their feelings and to know people understand them. While talking with him, let him know that how he is feeling is normal. There is not one way how to feel during hard times. Everyone, children and adults, feel different things during similar situations... scared, angry, jealous. ect. How he feels about the situation is okay and normal and its good for him to understand that.
With that said, behavior is a little different. If during hards time children need boundries and discipline. Boundries even behavioral ones make children feel safe. It shows them that the adults in their lives are still in charge and have things under control. Most parents totally mess up on this part of parenting. They totally ease up on parental boundries due to the hard times and their child's behavior spirals out of control. With that said, be a little more patient and gentle during hard times. Its okay to ease up a little but the boundries still need to be there. I dont know how you can help out with that since you are not the parent. Maybe when you see the child getting off track behaviorally, you can talk with them afterwards. Let them know you understand its been hard for him lately, however, him treating his mom rudely is not okay. He has a right to feel any way he wants however he doesnt have the right to behave any way he wants.
Provide him with that person to get away with. Talk to his parents and ask them if it would be alright for you to take him out sometimes. If you notice his behavior is deteriorating, get him away for a while. You dont even need to leave the house. Just go to his room and spend time with him. Play a game or read a book with him.
How his behavior is deteriorating at the end of the day is normal. At the end of the day when the day starts whinding down the day gets slower and there isnt as much going on to keep things off of his mind. For example, during the day he may have friends to play with or places to go to keep his mind off of things. At bedtime there is not that much going on and the feelings come up again. Keeping him busy will help with this. Like I said, when you notice him getting off track spend time with him and redirect his behavior in a more productive way. Having a routine is a must, however, since you are not the parent, you probably cant do much with that.
Well I hope I said something beneficial. I wrote this rather quick so if I misspelled something or left a word out...sorry. I didnt re-read it before posting it.
Take Care, CounselorDan (Child Therapist)
2007-11-10 16:57:44 · answer #1 · answered by CounselorDan 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Divorce is hard for kids at any age. He is probably very angry and does not know how to express it.
Some churces have divorce support groups for kids. My mom took us to some when my parents split up and it was helpful. There are books for kids about divorce as well.
See if you can find a mentor of some kind for him so he can get out of the house and feel normal. There are a number of programs and non profits that provide these types of services. I am guessing he probably needs to talk to some third party who isn't emotionally entangled in the situation.
My advice - Don't give up, take him to church, be a persistent role model and keep on praying..
Good luck
2007-11-10 16:57:23 · answer #2 · answered by Kakfitz 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
His world is crumbling and he feels very insecure. Be there on a regular basis for him. Structure is very important. And if the opportunity arises, be a good listener. Affirm what he's feeling is o.k. and reassure him that it is gonna be o.k. It may not feel like it right now but it will. He's going through a grieving process and he needs people in this difficult time. He's got a delicate heart. Sounds like you've got a noble heart and are a good friend.
2007-11-11 06:14:49 · answer #3 · answered by Lover of Blue 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
always remember no matter what you try, he will still have his own way of "acting out", which is normal. I am the child of a divorce and it is rough. I would suggest encouraging him to find a hobby (something he excels at) to focus his energy on. Unfortunately there is no sound solution for such a situation. When a child's parents separate, their world turns upside down. Just be there for him.
2007-11-10 14:57:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
You mention the love of god! I hope you can understand when I say: Pray for his situation, I wish I can say more about this but it's hard. I went thru this my self when my parents split since I was three years old. To me it felt like something empty inside so I will suggest to replace what he is missing with positive emotions and activities. and teach him what is going on so that he can talk about his feelings and dont keep nothing negative inside. Good luck it will take time
2007-11-10 15:29:03 · answer #5 · answered by ren p 2 · 3⤊ 2⤋
I know a young boy around the same age who is going through the same thing. just remember that he feels unloved by his own parents and there is nothing (and I mean nothing. I went through this part myself) that can comfort a child when he feels like his parents don't even love him. just do the best you can. be there for him. talk to him, let him know that YOU care. take him with you to church, take time to read to him, be the mom that he wishes his mom had been. the only way to show the love of christ is to live the love of christ. one song writer wrote this as if it was coming from the mouth of Jesus. he said "love as I loved, give as I gave. these are the people that I came to save. love as I loved and I will shine through. let others see my love in you." this has to be one of my favroite songs.
to show the love of God to others you must live it yourself.
I thank God for the people in my life who showed me the love of Christ.
the people who worked at The Wilds the first summer I went there helped me deal with a rough past, and if it weren't for them I might not even be here today. next summer I hope to work at that camp, and maybe through that help other's like me.
2007-11-10 16:25:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
in the event that they arrive to a determination on their own to call him "dad" chicken enable them to! only remind them to not do it whilst the genuine dad is around! you're divorced they want a father parent at abode and it rather is as much as them! tell your ex to growup he will constantly be their father a notice would not substitute that!
2016-09-29 00:02:43 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sing to him
2007-11-10 14:53:09 · answer #8 · answered by Mark S 2 · 4⤊ 1⤋