What do I do with a girlfriend I can't trust?

Question

Been with a girl off and on for three years. Met her at college, I returned home b/c of personal reasons, she stayed there. We didn't talk for an entire summer, and recently we are back on. I saw she had an online dating profile, and was talking with lots of guys. Also, she exchanged emails with one of them and continues to talk to him, and even gave him her phone number. She doesn't know I know that, but I asked her and she says she hasn't talked to anyone online or given her number out, all lies! I'm moving back up to where she lives in a couple months, and the last couple weeks have been stressful b/c she exchanged emails with this guy and was going to meet him, which she denies.I don't know if she met him or not. Now I'm having a hard time believing anything she says, although she swears I'm the only one she wants/loves/dates.Do I dump her for lying to me or tell her I know that she is lying? Keep in mind that I absolutely love this girl and have done much worst to her in the past

Answer 1

Perhaps that's why you don't feel you can trust her...because you have done her wrong in the past., so feel she may play you ..as payback*

I think you should wait until you get back home , and see her face to face., see how she responds to you. You said you didn't talk for an entire summer., how come?? if you Love each other so much..you would think you'd have tried to contact her by email, msn, phone??..anyways..you say you're back on now, but you saw she has a dating profile and has been talking perhaps seeing guys. You don't know 100% what that situation is all about. Try NOT to jump to conclusions.

You can either ask her about it when you see her in person...or email her under a different name...to see what she is saying to "strangers" online-whom she's chatting with. Reply to her profile...I wouldn't DUMP her just yet..until you find out what the story is by her. Never make accusations until you are 100% sure you know the Truth.

Communication Honesty and Trust are the keys to a long healthy relationship,....without those......you have nothing~ Keep the Faith..and Wait until you speak with her. People do change over a period of time..perhaps she got tired of waiting and wondering as she hadn't heard from you, so chose to get "chatty" with others to keep her company but has never actually met any of them...but if you say she's given out her number..........that is something only SHE can tell you...why she did that~* GoodLuck*~

Answer 2

If you have done much worse to her, this could be a payback to you. Believe it or not, some people are devious enough to go back to someone with the sole purpose of dumping them for revenge.
Think about what you did and decide whether it was harsh enough to evoke a revenge attack. If it was real bad, I suggest you break it off before you get hurt.
If you really love her, confront her. Tell her that you are second to nobody and to make a decision. If she needs time to think about it, walk away; if the decision is easy, take her back.
However, the problem with someone who cheats on you is that you can never trust them again. You can convince them that you trust them, but deep down you know you don't. A cheater is like a poisonous tree, and any thing they say is always considered fruit from that tree.

Answer 3

Well...... First of all let me say, good for you for being honest about what you have done.... However, you need to evaluate the situation and find out if there is going to be commitment on both ends, for the long haul, not only from you if you live near her, but on a consistent basis. She may feel like if everytime you make a decision on your life and you have to be apart for a while then you are going to not be with her so she is keeping her options open. Im saying this for sure but maybe as much as you don't trust her, she doesn't trust you. She may want to and say she does but if things happened in the past she may have put a wall up and/or be leaving her doors cracked open to run. Talk to her about it, keep things honest and if after you talk about it, you still don't feel things are better then make your choice to walk away but at least then everyone in the situation is aware of where the other stands.... HONESTY is key.

Answer 4

OK, so you have done worse things to her in the past and now you are freaking out because she is scoping other guys? I think the only approach that makes sense would be for you to tell her that you know you are not the best she could score, but you want her to know you love her and want to work things out. Also let her know that you would understand if she was looking around, but you would like to know if she was seeing other people. Then stop looking through her stuff and just assume you are competing for her affections with "persons unknown." She is considering that this is a courtship situation rather than a closed relationship with you right now, but she is also too upset by your prying to ever level with you that she is considering an upgrade, eh? So if you want her love, you need to be a better bet. If you ever tell her you are snooping around, she will drop you like a rotten apple. But continuing to spy on her is pointless - she is shopping around. You need to step up your game. If she does leave you, you need to remember not to expect absolute loyalty from people you have betrayed in the past. Once you made your mistakes in the past, you did fall from grace and all off-again/on-again relationships eventually become break-ups. This is a tenuous relationship at best - do not consider her a fixed partner right now and do not judge her actions as if she was. You made this situation, you need to see if you can get back into her good favors, but maybe you cannot, so you need to prepare your heart for that as well.

Answer 5

Sounds like you two had some miscomunication as to whether or not you were in an exclusive relationship. You said that you were "on and off" and if you had not spoken to her for an entire summer she probably assumed you were not serious about her so she started looking for somebody who would pay attention to her.

Most likely the reason she lied was because she didn't want to hurt you. Sounds like there are other issues in your relationship with her besides not being able to trust her. If you have done much worse to her in the past maybe it is time to forgive her.

Also sounds like you two need to work on communicating a little better.

Good luck.

Answer 6

Tell her you know. Then ask WHY she lied to you. If she gives you some kind of BS answer then uhm. dump her? Painful but gently! NO girl likes her heart broken because the pain never really goes away!


Ok, for the people that are saying that its messed up that she talks to other guys, its not ok! My closet cousin, is 22 and the last time i saw her she had one of her friends come over around 12 midnight[[a guy friend]] and we were watching a movie and a few days later she was seeing a 'close' friend. ok that wasnt the BEST example because i think the guy that came over around midnight, was kissing my cousin!!! ANyways my other cousin married to her bf since i was 4 years old in 2004 and they now have a child together. and my cousin's husband is really close to one of his friends bridgette(my alledege aunt) and they happen to all be friends now!!

Answer 7

I wouldnt be concerned about this girl lying about having an online profile, many would not admit to that even if free and single. Be concerned about how involved she is with this guy. The fact that she may be interested in someone else is your issue to deal with. If you love her as you say, let her know how much she means to you and how much it would hurt you if there was someone else in her life. She probably started this connection during your time apart and isnt sure whether its going to work with you so may be keeping her options open, if you assure her of your intentions and ask her direct q's (not angry accusations) it may work best. anyway, good luck in whatever happens, you know her best and your gut will ultimately tell you whether she can be trusted long term!

Answer 8

You may love her but it doesn't sound as if either of you are ready to commit! College is usually the time many young adults behave this way so this doesn't sound that unusual, I'm sorry to say. My advice is come clean and tell her that you know whats going on. If you've done "much worse" to her, may be you both should think about being single until your through with school. If your meant to be, you'll know it. Right now I think your trust issues will just end up making you both miserable.

Answer 9

Maybe the reason she feels that it's ok for her to "lie" to you is because of what you did to her. And in some way she feels like she's getting back at you. Listen, love is about trust and if just that one simple component is missing, then you will always be miserable if you cannot trust her. Trust needs to be earned so just because she's saying you can trust her doesn't mean she's able to show it or prove that to you. Let her go and when she's done playing the field, she will come back to you if this is the real deal ok.

Answer 10

If there isnt trust and open communication in a relationship its only a matter of time before it ends and usually ends in flames with everyone getting hurt n burnt.

Seriously you should sit down with her and tell her how much you care about her and apologize for whatever it is in the past youve done...tell her you know n understand what it did to her and the relationship...but that youve learnt from it...well we hope! lol

and then tell her the truth...tell her without accusations or anger..that you know about the dating profile etc....hey you werent together when she placed it @ that summer not talking right....so..enter into this phase of the relationship with honesty....and ask her to pull the listing.

If this gets you no where...youve got to ask yourself if you love this girl for who she is or who you want her to be...or was in the past...people change and grow...doesnt make anyone a bad person...and why would you want to be with anyone who lies to you?....either she doesnt trust your reactions or behaviour or is trying to have a back up plan...and either way...thats nothing to build a relationship on

good luck