how do you know when to just walk away?

Question

My ex & I broke up almost three months ago. He says he is happy & doesnt have any desire to be with me anymore. We were together for 2 1/2 years & he is my world. I still think he is making a mistake. We are PERFECT together.
But... He knows that I feel this way & he doesnt seem to care. I just don't know what to do. I have no desire to kiss, sleep with, or date any other men. I honestly believe that he just needs some freedom & that hell realize that he made a mistake.
I just dont know how to deal with it...
Do I continue to let him know that Im still in love with him or am I supposed to play the "hard ***" role.(he broke it off with me) Im not very good at playing games so I REALLY need help....
Also, he hasnt kissed, slept with, or gone out on dates w. ANY other girls since we broke up.
We are still really good friends, and he always tells me "I love you, I'm just not IN love with u. You are my best friend and I couldn't imagine my life without u in it."
Please help me...

Answer 1

Oh boy.

Yeah, been there. More than once, in fact. And what I found is that unless he actually feels like he's lost something, nothing is going to change for him.

I'm not suggesting you play games. I'm honestly advising you to move on. It doesn't mean you have to start dating anyone else, but stop being available to him in any way. Let him find out what his life is actually like without you in it. One of two things will happen. Either he'll figure out he screwed up, or you'll get over him and find someone who understands that you have to choose to stay in love with someone--it doesn't just happen.

Answer 2

Oh you poor thing, I know what it is like personally. But at least the guy had the decency and respect to tell you the truth. And you will have to accept that in the future he may date other girls or even get married. You do not put your life on hold when somebody tells you the truth. If, as you say, he needs freedom, then so do you. Get all your friends around you and please don't keep telling him you love him when all he wants is a best friend - which is a great compliment to you.
I also think you are pinning too much hope on "you are my best friend and I couldn't imagine my life without you in it". The guy was trying to get off the hook without hurting you too much. It is gut wrenching and I feel so sorry for you but you have to face reality and get on with the rest of your life and you will find somebody who loves you. Go out with your friends and try to have some fun. Good luck. I know how bad it feels. But let him go, better still don't even see him for a few months and see how it goes. Commitment is an ugly word for some guys, so leave him alone for now. Luv Camilla, I hope this helps. xxx

Answer 3

What you need to do is go on about your life. There is nothing wrong with NOT going with and NOT sleeping with another person so soon. You need to take time to work on your feelings and emotions, It's obvious that he is choosing to move on without you.
Yes it hurts, and will for a long time, that is a fact of life. But for whatever reason he has choosen not to continue his life with you in it. If it was ment to be it would be. And if in the future it is ment to be again you'll know it.
Whining, Crying , Confessing your feelings and everything you're doing right now is only pushing him further away than he already is.
Stop acting like that and leave him alone. If he wants to come back to you , he will without all that.
Life sometimes S**ks. There isn't anything you can do about it. Sorry.

Answer 4

Well Im not sure which part to tell you....I went through that myself 2 1/2 years ago, we are now married! BUT, I was miserable, I hated every minute of it, I regret now "chasing" him around. You show them they make the rules and you follow. Thats not a relationship, thats parenting. Sometimes I still wonder if we are only married because I pursued him so strongly and he was afraid to be alone in the end. You dont want to wonder that yourself. So if you think it will be worth it in the end, stay strong and hang in there. Hey, you may end up married like me. But there are two sides to every coin, so you may give him everything you have and end up with nothing. Its a very hard call. You have to ask yourself "Will I be ok if we never get back together and I sacrificed so much for him?" Do what your heart says to do! Good luck! Youre going to need it!

Answer 5

Men like challenge and competition. If he knows you are still not moving on, even if he does still love you, he can enjoy his freedom for the time being and be fairly safe in assuming you will still be there waiting for him.

I am betting however, that he just wants friendship.

I just went through a similar experience, except the guy had returned to me after several years, only to declare he just wanted to be friends. Well, I tried to ignore the signs, and made myself available, letting him know that I wanted more than a friendship. It just didn't work. I was miserable being his friend and hoping for more. Eventually the constant rejection took their toll, and it will on you too. It's time to be your own best friend.

Break it off competely and find new friends and date someone else. You can't make anyone care if they don't. If he does have feelings and he sees that you are moving on, it will wake him up...but don't count on it. It is most likely over for him.

Answer 6

You are not going to like my answer but here it is .If you have any chance at all with this guy you have to break all contact with him. I think he does still care for you from what you have said but he probably doesn't realize it and he won't until he loses you completely so what you have to do is show him what that's going to feel like. Don't call him or talk to him and make every effort to at least appear to be going on with your life without him. I can promise you that where you are now is only going to end with him finally breaking all ties with you so you need to move NOW. I wish you the very best.

Answer 7

Wow, It is hard but you need to take a break from your "good friend". If he is being honest with you then he'll understand and give you space.

Don't play games or be "hard" if that is not you. You will get through this and after you get yourself together deal with the relationship again. You may feel different about things then.

Answer 8

ug. there is no real answer. 2,3 or ten years he may turn and realize that he loves you....or not!. In the mean time you are wasting your life on a pipe dream. You don't have to want to kiss,sleep with or date someone else to be alive.You need to stop listening to this user telling you you are the one but is about town with another.
It hurts and is hard but he broke with you but is still close in your orbit.. It is your turn to break up. Break up this "I LOVE YOU BUT AINT IN LOVE WITH YOU" B.S.
take control girl and write this guy off. If in 2,3 or ten years you were meant to be so be it. For now the world is a beautiful place and you can live with just you . Sex is good but it aint LOVE.
Wake Up get up and live your life independent of the approval of a LOSER.

Answer 9

Disclaimers! I feel these matters are something you should really open up and discuss with people close to you. They know you and can give you the best advice.

My personal feeling on this is that you already know you have to walk away from this. It's hard, and heart breaking, but you are going to have to let him go.

I would suggest reading: It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken

You deserve to feel whole, and not cause in this limbo of "Will he, or won't he come back to me." This will emotionally poison you to stay in this frame of mind.

I am sorry you are going through this, but you WILL get through this.

Answer 10

You are in love with love.

You are dreaming that you can change him and make it better - you can't.

Best not to see him as a friend until you have someone else, it would be too difficult.

He is NOT your world - love just makes you think that way, there is a much bigger world full of many exciting and loving people offering much more than you think you have.

Make a clean break.