Two years ago I moved back to my home town after being gone for 7 years. During this time being gone I missed out on 7 years of my 2 little 2nd cousin’s lives. They are 12 and 14; both boys . They have not had the best home life growing up, a lot of mental and physical abuse I’m told by them. I have alerted the parents that the kids are fed up and it will stop or they tell their school councilors. Well things have gotten better but over the last two years I have became somewhat more of a parent to these two boys than their own. Granted the mother brings every issue with them to me for insight and advice but I sometimes wonder if these boys are giving me the attention that should be rightfully given to their parents. Today the 12yr old made a card with a big heart on it for me. I was very flattered that he expresses his love for me, but it made me feel guilty because I know he has never made a gesture such as this with his mom or dad. I'm just starting to wonder if this is good or not?
2007-11-10 13:10:57 · 6 answers · asked by JJ 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
It is good because they finally know that they are loved in this life and have learned to love in return. They will eventually come around to doing this for their parents also but right now they are just learning to trust them again. Be happy that you have made a positive difference in 2 children's lives and that they will grow up to be loving adults. You have helped to break a cycle of abuse and you should be commended for it. You deserve all the love that you get from these 2 boys.
2007-11-10 13:18:50 · answer #1 · answered by firemouse23 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are the boys still being abused? If NO, then NO you are not creating a bad invornment.
What you did and what a lot more people should do, is you stood up to those parents. Those kids couldn't do it.
They really love you and they realize what you have done for them.
You are showing you care and life doesn't have to be all about Abuse. They are reaching out for you like a tree branch reaches toward the son.
Do not ever feel guilty of this. If the parents were better parents, you would not be in this situation nor would they and it isn't the kids fault, is it?
And if the parents were better parents, they already know it would be them getting I love you cards instead of you.
Why would any child at their ages reach out to the hands of the parents that bit them?
Do not turn your back on them now. these are very crucial years and Please don't ever feel guilty about it.
It's all good what you are doing and I commend you. I wish more people would confront the adults of abusive parents, and hey at least you have the parents on their toes.
Good for you for showing these children love, how can that not be good?
2007-11-10 21:26:18 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the mom was abusive, or permitted abuse, it's no wonder they prefer you.
It's not the ideal situation, but it seems that you are doing a good thing.
I have a similar situation, I am kind of like a second mother to the children of a borderline-neglectful parent. I always try to reinforce the parent-child relationships by having the kids make presents and cards for her when appropriate. She's glad that I take them off her hands so much.
You are not the one making an unhealthy situation; you are just acting as an outside support to this family.
It can be quite awkward at times, but it would be worse without you.
There is no guarantee how it will turn out, though. So enjoy it when you can, and take care of yourself (and the kids) when the going gets rough.
2007-11-10 21:23:52 · answer #3 · answered by The First Dragon 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not a counselor or really one to give professional advice on this. This is a matter you might want to discuss with a family counselor.
My personal opinion is that you are not creating a bad environment. I am in a similar situation myself.
Parents can be flawed just like anyone else is. it's better that the children have some family figure who is able to give them the positive inspiration they need better than to simply wait for the parents to "Wise up". Sometimes this might even be the reason why you are exactly in this situation at this exact moment, and at this point in time.
To be a pinnacle.
To be an example.
To show those children they can have someone else to model after.
Youth need role models. It's perfectly healthy to be a positive one.
2007-11-10 21:18:43 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
the question is: if you weren't there, would he have made the card for his dad--sincerely? If not, then you are probably helping. I would also suggest that any time they come to you for help/advice, you should help them, but you should also suggest that they talk to their dad/mom about the issue....no matter what.
2007-11-10 21:15:04 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
its good. they are probably glad, because maybe they actually feel loved for once. you shouldnt feel bad for their parents because its their fault.
2007-11-10 21:15:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋