Do you and your husband have different views on parenting?

Question

I don't like to spank our 12 year old son, but hubby thinks that's all that he 'responds' to.

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Answer 1

Has he responded to anything else you have tried?
If not then listen to your husband.
No parent enjoys spanking their kid and if they do they have serious problems.
However sometimes this IS the ONLY way to get through to them because they are children, think like children and want what they want when they want it no matter who it kills.
I know a child does NOT have to be spanked for every little transgression, and other methods do work at times with some kids, but NOT ALL kids.
I have seen too many parents who do not spank their kids when they need it and their kids run all over them.

Answer 2

I dont think the child should be spanked but consistent routine boundaries need to be put in place and practiced. At 12 spanking them will make him withdraw and possibly angry with that only comes more behavioral problems and the vicious circle goes one. At 12 I'm assuming he has bikes, xbox or playstation try taking them away for a set amount of time and behaviors needs to improve to get it back. Thats what I do with my son his only 8 yet going on 16 lol. He gets 3 strikes and your out and you need to be consistent with that no empty threats. With mine I let him know its the first warning and tell him what he is compromising ( no xbox) second warning remind him what his compromising and then on the 3rd warning compromised toy /belonging taken away for a minimum of one hour( sometimes days). He now knows I'm not mucking around when I say something will get taken away for a consequence of his 'bad choices'. Also offer solutions of 'good choices that he could've made and that opens communications. And if you and hubby have different opinions when your talking about what good choices he could've made your both offering good parenting. My other half and I are so completely different its not funny but that good as a magnet wouldnt work with out the plus and minus meeting together to work properly ;-) good luck

Answer 3

Spanking a 12 yo boy will only lead to anger and outbursts on his part. When they act out at this age there are usually 2 reasons for it.
1. He doesn't feel that he is being heard and is trying to get attention.
2. He is spreading his wings and testing his boundaries. This comes more with peer pressure.

Sit down with him and try talking to him to find out what is going on with him. Listen well and do not down play his feelings. Tell him that you understand what he is saying and repeat it back to him to let him know that you heard him correctly. Then offer him possible solutions to the problems that he is facing. Give him different options than the ones that he is choosing so that he knows where he went wrong in his decision making and can correct it in the future. By spanking him he is only learning that he needs to hide what he is doing so that he will not get caught the next time. By listening and offering solutions then you are teaching him to think for himself and to be more responsible.

Answer 4

Don't spank a child who is over 10 years old.

By the time a kid is over 10 years old, spankings become demeaning and they actually backfire.

A kid over 10 years old should never be spanked. Instead, privileges should be removed for limited amounts of time until the desired behavior is achieved.

Answer 5

I agree, a child over the age of ten should not be spanked. He is at the age when taking away his CD player, TV or any other precious freetime device (even his Playstation, if he has one) will work wonders. Not allowing him phone or TV priveleges works also.

Answer 6

We havent had a child together yet.. but we talk about things and he has children. We do have different views but things have to be disscussed and comprimised. Together you both have to agree so that its something both of you will feel strongly about. Its important to be on the same page with that issue.