2007-11-10 10:59:59 · 10 answers · asked by jesusjunky4 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
I am both a Torah observant Messianic Jew (a Jew who believes all of the Bible, Old and New applies to my life) and a counselor trainee.
Nobody can change another person, but in both Scripture and in the profession, the key piece of advice is to seek help for ourselves. In my own life, before salvation and after, I have learned that seeking counsel for myself, to help me get a d ifferent perspective on things, to help me see what changes (including forgiveness, self-aceptance, establishing boundaries, etc.) I needed to make.
I have found that the more I have asked myself what changes were needed for me, in how I looked at our marriage and how I handled things--even when my spouse has done things that I have felt were her fault--I have been better able to cope, better able to look at a way to approach her differently, and it has worked.
I have looked at what my wife's fears, doubts, anxieties, pains, etc. may be and seen ways I could deal in a differennt way with them, and it has helped our marriage and our faith.
I have learned in some ways to take my own medicine, so to speak, and in so doing, I have grown deeper, and our marriage has helped. My wife has changed her ways in some capacities because she has seen me approaching things in a different manner, rather than merely attacking, accusing or putting blame on her, I have been more forgiving, more understanding, and have retained my boundaries.
Rather than getting angry, I have told her when I have been hurt by things--I believe that anger is a reaction to feeling pain and not knowing how to cope with it...It is why we can be angry and sin not. If we look at what is truly hurting us, and express it in a way that is not condemning, then I have found that my wife, my clients even, myself, and others have been better able to deal with issues.
I am a firm believer that when there is a problem in a relationship, that both ends of the relationship have done something--even if some of the things I might have done have been to have unrealistic expectations and then get upset when my wife did not meet those expectations for some reason.
I am talking about me, my life, my wife, etc. I do not know your circumstances to be able to tell you any advice, and ethically I really would be doing an injustice if I did, but this is what I have done...and looked into the Book for my sources of strength.
2007-11-10 11:14:25 · answer #1 · answered by sirburd 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Married human beings can sometimes 'replace' to develop into extra like one yet another in specific factors. that's a superficial replace - like flavor in outfits or favored ice cream flavours! Or a a lot deeper replace - like a shift in religious ideals and concepts. Spending a lot time with yet another person potential that this happens subconsciously. some companions are very imaginitive at taking strategic steps to 'replace' their different a million/2 and this might the two have effective... or disastrous outcomes. in maximum circumstances, we gained't answer any such question completely because of the fact it so relies upon on the two human beings in touch and what that's it rather is to be 'replaced'. What i will inform you is while you're embarking on a marriage with the objective of adjusting the different person - PLEASE forget approximately IT NOW
2016-10-02 01:35:52 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
THere is a book:
Till DEATH Do Us Part , the author ALSO has a counseling ministry with people aroud the country. If you search for it, you may find a means of contact and more precise answers than you can get in this arena.
However, I will tell you, separation is sometimes and option. But divorce is NEVER an option.
Mar 10:11 And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her.
Mar 10:12 And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.
Luk 16:18 Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from [her] husband committeth adultery.
REGARDLESS to what the WORLDLY churches and their perverted counselors may tell you.
2007-11-10 13:43:52 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That all depends. Did you marry him knowing what he was like, and expecting he would change after you got married? This is a big mistake a lot of women make. If he's abusive, forget the counseling and get away from him NOW.
2007-11-10 11:04:18 · answer #4 · answered by Cheryl E 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only person you can change is yourself. If your spouse won't go to counseling, then go alone. At some point, you will have to decide if you can stay or if you have to go.
2007-11-10 11:09:43 · answer #5 · answered by Sharon M 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If they refuse to seek counseling, go alone. It can still be helpful. Also, it can let them see your commitment to your marriage. You can only change yourself with God's help.
2007-11-10 11:05:05 · answer #6 · answered by paula r 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's looking for a mommy it is not Your job to change him. He has to be willing to surrender himself to God first. If he's not or is abusive, Might I suggest you leave, for your own safety and children if you have any. Go to counseling for yourself...God bless you.
2007-11-10 11:09:07 · answer #7 · answered by ShadowCat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What kind of info or help do you want? You can't change him only yourself.
2007-11-10 11:04:15 · answer #8 · answered by bookofisaiah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you loved him...you wouldn't try to change him...especially if he is the way he is when you got married.
2007-11-10 11:07:35 · answer #9 · answered by Arthur Q 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's obviously isn't that in to you. Leave now. Don't be angry, you settled for less.
2007-11-10 11:06:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋