When I seem more uncaring (for lack of better word), she's super caring and loving and funny and just absolutely charming to be with. Then when she's more uncaring, I feel unavoidably clingy cuz when I want to hang out with her or have her come over or I need to talk, she'll usually put that way down the list of her priorities.
The best situation seems to involve me being more uncaring. It feels the best and things go the smoothest and I'm actually happiest then... but I really don't like the sound of that.
Has anyone been through something similar and has a perspective or an idea how to sort through this? I'd really appreciated it.
2007-11-10 07:08:34 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Yes, I sure have. I don't know why this is, but I think it stems from growing up in dysfunctional families where love wasn't openly displayed. I wanted someone who wouldn't smother me, but then I hated the distance. I'm trying to help you understand it but I don;'t know if I have any answers. You are definitely not alone.
2007-11-10 09:21:29 · answer #1 · answered by Rachel☺ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A lot of us feel more comfortable with a certain distance in a relationship due to struggles with intimacy. You can dissect your early family life into little tiny pieces, but people from all types of families can suffer from a need to distance. There is often a certain almost measurable metaphorical space where we feel comfortable in a relationship. When the other person gets into that space, we psychically move away, and vice versa. (Just like with people from cultures where people are used to being close, like Hong Kong, versus people from Montana, say, or the US generally, as far as our physical comfort level in a crowd.)
How do you prevent it? that's quite another question! I don't know! I recommend discussing it with her--most of the worst problems in a relationship are the unspoken assumptions (barring actual unfaithfulness or lying, of course).
2007-11-10 15:21:18 · answer #2 · answered by Trish T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah - I get it - but this is the same way for most relationships. When you need security you try harder - when you're secure you try less. You'll stop playing these games the longer you are together - and you'll either be together or not. I know this probably doesn't help - but it's true. When you meet someone that you want long term out of - you won't play these games. For the moment - just enjoy the chase!
2007-11-10 15:13:50 · answer #3 · answered by confused 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like game playing. tough as this may sound, you might consider that you are with the wrong person. it is sometimes part of human nature to take for granted the good things you have, but with some people and couples, this turns into a constant cycle.
its no good to change your own good and caring nature, and anyway, this is not something you can do constantly without making yourself emotionally stressed.
find someone who is with you for your kindness and not someone who punishes you for it!!
2007-11-10 15:16:13 · answer #4 · answered by saz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why live your life pretending to be uncaring just to hold on to someone? I would move on to someone who appreciates my good nature and put the back and forth behind me.
2007-11-10 15:13:49 · answer #5 · answered by peaches6 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, i know its really confusing. I like the same kid for like 3 years and when i likes him he had a girl friend i didn't have a boyfriend. When he liked me i had a boyfriend. I know my situation is a little different but w.e. Umm.... I dont't know if i can be much help but i can try!!
Well don't be too clingy ( girls hate that ) and don't loose too much interest ( that makes us feel bad ) Just kinda stay neutral.
I know I'm not much help but i tried, sorry
Good luck
2007-11-10 15:15:07 · answer #6 · answered by hbx3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2007-11-10 15:13:31 · answer #7 · answered by american_eagle 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
sounds like you both are afraid of what might be so you distance your self when the other is being "loving and caring"
2007-11-10 15:12:54 · answer #8 · answered by C 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, it seems that you and her have to meet at the middle, just half and half caring.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AtgajdRq1JDe8ALd6uMtICnsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20071110120955AA9rAAs
2007-11-10 15:13:54 · answer #9 · answered by shenaynay222 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
huh?
2007-11-10 15:11:26 · answer #10 · answered by NEdawgs 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋