Is it just me, or do other people consider this bad manners....?

Question

My ex husband comes by on Saturdays to pick up our small son. Now instead of using his cell phone, or ringing the door bell to let us know he's outside, he'll sit in his car and honk the horn....it's a pet peeve of mine and I was raised to learn it's just not the done thing!

I have told the ex to please stop doing it, as it's considered the hide of ignorance....he seems to think it's socially acceptable and doesn't understand my gripe about it....

I don't want my son to grow up thinking that when you honk the horn, people come running....

I'd like to know what others think.

No, it's never pre-determined. The ex just shows up whenever it suits him....

jenesuispasunnombre: Please don't refer to my son as a "sprog" and that's not the case with the ex at all. He's just an ignorant person who can't be taught right from wrong....

Yes, I like Kent's answer to. Thank you, that's exactly how I will handle this in the future...

I don't hate the guy, I would just like him to show some respect...he only ever see's our son when it suits him, no one else and thanks for nothing guason12003: you're a real piece of work!

Joanne A. W: For a 70 year old, you are a very rude individual. My ex calls me all the time and wants to chat aimlessly about anything at all. I am friends with him, but he needs to get his priorities straight.

Have you ever seen the look of disappoint on a four year old's face when his father promises to come by and never does...get a grip old lady!

Lady Luck: The only thing I want him to do, is to stop sitting in the car, honking the horn...my son deserves more respect than that.

What some of you people can't understand is, this is NOT about ME, it's about my SON!

Good grief!!!

ssshhhh: I agave you a thumbs up, hun. I don't know who's doing all the thumbs down.

Thanks to all of you for who support me in this. It's good to know there are still people in the world who know the difference between good manners and ignorance.

Answer 1

It's rude and annoying.

I'd ignore it; let him call or knock. If he keeps honking, let him; after he finally caves in, you can say, "Oh, was that you? I thought it was some idiot, sorry!"

Answer 2

Yes that is bad manners. If that was me, I would let him sit there and honk all he likes because he would be waiting a while. I would probably tell him (if you already haven't) This is your son, you show him a little more respect and come to the door and knock like a normal person. I can see if someone gives you a heads up and lets you know, "Hey when I'm out front....... I'll just honk" but if they just show up unannounced then that is plain rude.

Answer 3

I agree, it is very rude. I have never come running when a horn honks, and neither should your son. His father should value him omore tahn that.

Simply ignore the honking horn, he'll eventually get tired of honking it, and either a. come to the door as is proper. b: call from his cell. or c. flat out leave and come back another time.

Either way, eventually he'll learn how to politely come to see his son. And your son will learn from the example set.

Answer 4

EDIT--------------------------------
The advise I gave is only if your goal is to get your ex to CALL you before he shows up, and not just show up at any time. However--I dont think that you should force your ex to come to your door and ring the bell. Your relationship is over, he should not be forced to greet you as if you're going on a Date. Sorry--but you're the Ex now, not his wife anymore--and some distance is to be expected.

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Hi, I'm a Teacher, and I'll give you my 2 cents :)

Ok---I think in the big scheme of things, this is a minor problem that can be worked out. If your ex was Not showing up on Saturdays at all, then you'd have a big problem. But lets look at this as a small problem that has a solution...

As for honking the horn, I will say that yes, I agree with you. As a rule, its not appropriate to just "show up" at someone's house without first calling. So, yes I can see how this would annoy you. And its even ruder for your ex to not honor your request, especially after you kindly explained this to him and aked him repeatedly--Now we see why he's your "Ex".

Here's what you'll have to do. I work with children, and I firmly believe that in some apsects, you have to treat adults like children when they continue to act like children. And you know what gets children to change their ways when they are being stubborn?-- NOT giving them what they want: Basically, making sure that their actions will directly cause them some harm or loss. Yelling, screaming, begging, and pleading does not work with stubborn, rude & selfish people (otherwise known as jerks)--but what does work is making sure they suffer the consequenses every time they make you suffer:

Now, I do this every day at school with my kids, and I swear to you, this works. Since your ex refuses to call you before he arrives, despite your asking him--from now on this is what you do: When your ex honks the horn---Leave him Waiting outside for 11 minutes. Thats right. Use that 10 minutes to pack your sons bag and finish getting him dressed. Your ex will Not stop showing un-announced--until he realizes that his not calling you negativley affects HIM by making him WAIT. Get it?

When he honks the horn, poke your head out the door, and say "I'll be right out!"....3 minutes later say "Just a minute!"...3 minutes later do the same thing. (Do Not allow your son to go running outide. ), and keep doing that for 10 minutes...After 11 minutes, run oustide, go the car, and very innocently say "Oh--I'm so sorry!!.If I knew you were coming, I'd have been ready. I didnt know you were on your way--sorry!!".

Do Not argue with him. If he gets angry (which he will), and he says, "You knew I was coming!!, blah, blah, blah!", be VERY calm and play dumb and say "Oh, I didnt know what time, I had to take the last load of Michael's laundry out"--whatever. When he argues agian--say "sorry" and Change The Subject, and Stop talking about it!! This will give YOU the power. Do Not let him pull you into an arguement!! He has to think you are truly innocent about this and that you're truly sorry. If he thinks you're doing this on purpose, it will start a War, which you dont want or need. So, Play dumb and go in the house. You have ALL the power there. People who yell & scream have no power. Thats why the yell & scream ;)

Keep doing this EVERY SATURDAY until he respects your bounderies and starts calling you.

From now on, Do Not prepare you songs bags or clothes anymore. Wait until your ex is outside, honking the horn until you pack his bags, etc. That will ensure you keep him waiting...And keep posking your head outside every few minutes so he knows you're "almost ready!!"
Good Luck

Answer 5

There are always two sides to every story.

Yes, it is rude. Let me establish that.

Yes, he should call first.....unless you are making up an excuse as to why he cannot see his son on that day; or you start an argument over the phone with him every time he calls. It is very easy to see by your words that you hate his guts.

We can tell by your words that you have an "attitude". Your ex-husband does NOT want to see you or talk with you because he knows how you will act and what you will say to him. He does not want his outing with his son ruined.

Your ex-husband is going to be on the scene for the rest of your life because you had a child together. Get on with YOUR life, stop the hatred.

Send your son out to the car when his dad honks. There is nothing in the law books that says someone cannot honk, it is a man-made thing made up by long ago snobbish people.

The world will not come to an end.

Answer 6

I think it is the height of laziness and is a message to your son that he just doesn't care enough to come inside to see him safely out to the car to go with him. You should make him set a schedule in order to have your son ready to go on time and then a quick trip in and out is all that would be needed. What can he expect if he comes whenever he likes and just rudely honks for him. What if the child were eating or taking his bath and couldn't just come running? You need to set limits for this stupid male!

Answer 7

Very rude! It will teach your son that if he 'honks' or calls for someone, they will be waiting for him foot and hand, or immediately come and he wont have to do anything. If this continues, i would ignore him until he comes to the door. If you keep doing this he'll eventually stop.

Answer 8

Yes that is very rude. You should teach him a lesson and let him wait out there, pretend you didn't hear him! But make sure to install the proper manners in your son and he'll be fine. He’s probably doing that to get you upset, keep your cool.

Answer 9

It is always rude to sit outside and honk. And it is totally inconsiderate not to get with you and agree on a time he will come by. Put a stop to that.

Answer 10

He won't even get out of the car to pick up his son? That's beyond bad manners, that's sad and pathetic. He should be running, excitedly, to see his son!

But I agree that it's always bad manners, unless it has been pre-determined and as a time-saving measure. (For example, if you pick up someone for a carpool each day at 7:45 AM, you may have agreed that it's okay to honk rather than getting out of the car every morning.)

Answer 11

I agree that honking the horn all the time is bad manners, but in your son's interest. . . since your husband defies your wishes. . . I would have my son ready and as soon as I he pulls up I would walk my son out to the car. I know it's inconvenient and like giving into his demands, but it's for your son.