Explain that sex is an act that will seriously impact their lives and that it is not a casual thing but how it is an intimate connection, that's what my mom did.
2007-11-10 03:58:34
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answer #1
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answered by Sayuri Asami 3
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This is a very difficult subject, and I feel like you do. I have a teenage son, who has had relationships, and I just know things are "heating up". What i have told him, is based on facts:
1)Don't have sex with anyone you aren't willing to spend the rest of your life with.
2)If you have sex, there is always a possibility of pregnancy, no matter how "careful" you think you are being, so don't do it unless you can afford a baby, and are ready to be a parent. Your life is no longer about you, it becomes about the baby, so until you are done doing what YOU want to do, you better think about it twice....3 times...more!
3)You run the risk of getting an STD, so make sure you know the person well enough to be able to ask personal questions regarding their sexual health.
4)Having sex is a mature decision, and takes more responsibility than young kids are ready for. It just complicates things.
5)Take your time and enjoy being a kid...as soon as you start bringing adult responsibilites into your life, there is no taking it back. There is plenty of time for all that, and right now, you should focus on you....do what you want to do, get your education that you want, have fun, be care free.
6)I also told my son that no matter what, I love him, and when he has any questions, or wants to talk to me about anything, I am open to anything. (His father is not there for him, but he does have a step-father). I've had to be both parents up until about 2 years ago..
This are just some of the things we have talked about, I don't know if it will help you or not...take it or leave it. There is no magic, or even completely correct answer when it comes to parenting. You just have to take into consideration your own family, and its needs. I understand how difficult this is, I'm in it too. Just make it as dramatic, yet realistic, as you can...we talk pretty bluntly around our house, and the more "adult" the question, the more "adult" the answer is going to be.
2007-11-10 04:13:00
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answer #2
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answered by Anonymous
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The problem is that there are people who dont care and dont act as responsible parents. We have teens now doing all the things we did and we cant stand it, because we realize later that it was a mistake.
Another thing is parents are relying on outside influences like school to educate their kids about everything. There are alot of new found organizations that think they have to do their part in helping out the world, and I tend to ignore them.
The worst part about it is kids are very impressionable. They are easily swayed into beliefs. They rely on their parents for good info. The bad part is many families are minus a parent.
This is why I believe you should not wait until marriage. We all need to find someone completely compatible with us and we also need to love and lose as well as win to know that. Just like a car we see one, fall in love with it, buy it and after so long decide it isnt the one. Well if this happens in life and you have kids then what?
Marriage is another way for govts and churches to make money. It has gotten to be more headache then it is worth. Then the lawyers get to enjoy the divorce. So I say save the marriage for the right person and let the sex flow as it will.
We learn more from lifes mistakes then someone telling us. But is sure nice to hear the advice and have some direction.
For the most part parenting is about educating your child for life. When that is done it is time to let them experience it and let them go. That being said, just educate them as best you can about sex and all the headaches that come with it.
Life is a rollercoaster ride, hold on and enjoy the ups and downs.
I am married for the third time and glad that the other two ended without children. I have been in many relationships and am glad they all didnt work out. I still have strong feelings for lots of girls i been with, but I have finally after 17 years of looking, found the one I want to stay with and because of all those experiences have great sex with her. She is happy with me i believe, because I have had all these experiences to teach me what a relationship is really about.
I probably wouldnt have had to wait this long if I had parents to teach me all the things they should have. Be a friend and give them ALL the info you can. By the way I waited til after high school and still wonder did i miss out on something.
In the end the numbers PROVE that telling someone to be abstainate doesnt work. Giving them protection and educating them doesnt always work either. But the numbers do show that involved parents does help.
14 is a little young for sex but by far is not too young to start educating. And remember sex doesnt take 2. Educate on taking care of yourself when you need to instead of running out and getting laid. Just this little bit of advice goes a looong way. And getting to know yourself is half the battle of pleasing any potential partner.
wow this post got long.
2007-11-10 05:40:58
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answer #3
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answered by analize2much 4
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First off I know the commercial and agree with you.
This is a decision I think that should be left to the individual families to handle. If they cannot or do not want to then having a place to educate kids is a great alternative.
I DO not think it is right of the opinion of ONE FAITH make a commercial like that. What would they say if Pagans made a commercial promoting that Sex is ok before marriage but also it is not ok for casual use either. Meaning two people together not married and have been together for years why should they not?
Good question.
2007-11-10 04:02:25
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answer #4
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answered by Legend Gates Shotokan Karate 7
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I am going through this right now!!! My daughter is 8, and she asked me some sexual questions last week so it got me thinking about this very question.. I told her to wait untill she has found someone who she trusts completly. I also told her to wait untill shes 18, other wise she and her partner are breaking the law... she is VERY law concious, and while I am not, im hoping that it is something that will stick with her .
My mother encouraged casual sex as early as 15 with me, and, while way cool at the time, it has left me knowing that some of my relationships that I thought were genuine were actually just a guy sayin what he had to to get some tail. My mom also saw that casual relationships were harmful and she unabashedly changed her tactics on my two younger sisters. For wich I commend her lol!
If our kids waited untill marriage they might not explore there sexuality enough, and that can lead to just as many troubles as too much casual sex can.
2007-11-11 12:14:23
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answer #5
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answered by wyldkisses79 3
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I explained to my son the responsibility that comes with the pleasure. Right up to having him stay with a friend who had just had a baby so he could see what it meant to have to be there for someone 24/7. (He barely lasted the weekend). I also made sure he had knowledge about STD's. He has also seen one of my friends... I should say long-time acquaintance as I don't "hang out" with her. She has 5 kids by 4 different men, all within a year of each other. He said that was enough to scare him lol That and the threat that if some man came knocking on my door telling me he got some girl knocked up... he would be in deep... I am not ready to be a grandma, I'm not even 37 yet!
Just becareful not to scare them away from it completely. I have seen both sides to that extreme coin... some parents don't ever talk about it with their kids and other parents make it sound like surgery without anesthesia.
2007-11-10 13:33:01
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answer #6
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answered by River 5
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Wow, I just love these Public Announcements!! Really...what a bunch of hogwash. Why do we need these announcements? Are they supposed to help us raise our children and ourselves? Has it gotton so bad, really, that the government has to tell us what we should do in our own homes??!
Personally, I believe teaching your kids sex after marriage and NOT before is confusing and misleading. They're going through all these strange feelings when this time comes along. If you've waited till then to "give the talk" you're too late. Kids should be taught early on that sex is for when they're emotionally ready for it. They need to realize the conquences of such acts... STDs, motherhood/fatherhood, entense emotional bond, etc. Kids should realize that actions always have conquences - good, bad, otherwise - and what they are for sex. Let them know that when they can deal with such conquences is the only time they should attempt such actions. Marriage, on the otherhand, is when two people have dicided to be together and start a family (eventually, if it's the case) and work through all their problems together to stay together. It shouldn't be based on sex - it's more based on longterm love which includes sex. (I knew a girl that married so she could have sex as she was taught sex only after marriage. Every man she dated, if he didn't pop the question within a few months, she dumped him. Needless to say, she get got preggo on the honnymoon.)
2007-11-10 05:01:58
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answer #7
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answered by Heathen Mage 3
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I agree with you that this is a decision best left up to the individual's involved. I dislike the thought of commercials telling us how to raise our children, especially when the 'infomation' comes from a religious point of view. You can strike a balance by introducing the subject to your teens when they are old enough to understand the issue. Explain why it is a good idea for them to wait until they are in a stable relationship with someone whom they love & want to share this special bond with. Use the time to bring up contraception & explain the role this plays in keeping them safe from unwanted preganancy and sexually transmitted infections. Reinforce the believe that sex is a loving & natural part of life & that this is just another way for adults to express their love for their partner. Keep the communication lines open & answer your children's questions open & honestly. Your children are fortunate to have such an open-minded mother & will no doubt come to appreciate this even more as they grow older.
2007-11-10 04:04:23
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answer #8
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answered by Richos 4
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Well, for parents of children - where the children are 21 years old and unmarried - what would parents say?
In other cases, perhaps parents who are honest enough to say that there is an enormous gap between the USA laws and what some non-profit denominations teach about various subjects that it's almost mind-boggling would help children realize, it seems to me, what actual current USA culture is and what kind of culture they will live their lives in.
Some public service announcements appear to be mixing some non-profit religions with politics which is outside the USA Constitution: Freedom of religions/never a state Church ever. Some public service announcements, it seems to me, may actually be illegal under contemporary USA laws.
Good question.
2007-11-10 04:12:50
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answer #9
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answered by Anonymous
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I absolutely agree with you. I have been open and honest with my kids about sex since they were little. I explained to them about birth control and the consequences of a child born to a parent too young. I explained to them how their father and I would likely react to a pregnancy announcement (with unconditional love and acceptance because they are our children... but with them needing to take on as much responsibility for a baby as they could... given their circumstances at the time). I know both of my teenagers are sexually active. However, I also know they are both being responsible and neither are engaging in "casual" sex.
By the way... Joseph.... you might want to get your phone number off the internet or you're going to end up with some crazy people calling you.
2007-11-10 04:42:46
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answer #10
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answered by Brooke 3
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It depends on whether you believe in marriage or not. Marriage is for people who see relationship as a sacred path to mutual growth and unconditional love. It is NOT for the timid, or for those who think that the honeymoon should never end! It is a beautiful thing to go into a marriage as a virgin. It makes the commitment and the vows of lifelong love much more intense and special. I don't like the term "waiting for marriage" though. I think "saving yourself for the life partner who will share your journey to love" is a better way to envision it.
Marriage isn't for everyone! Many people are not able to be in a long term monogamous relationship and that's ok. But just be honest with yourself and potential sex partners about your intentions. People who can separate love from sex usually are not monogamous by nature.
2007-11-10 04:07:28
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answer #11
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answered by Anonymous
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