Adoption: Does race matter to parents looking to adopt?

Question

I am half white and half black. The man who is the father of the child is black. When people are looking to adopt - are they hoping for a baby that resembles them? or do they just want a baby?
Anyone adopt outside of their race (besides Angelina Jolie)? Is it common? I am not educated on the subject.
I do not want to have an abortion and the father doesn't want to be a father. I am financially struggeling with two kids already & their dad is very actively involved. I don't know if mentally - i would be setting this child up for 'issues' when his/her father never came around and my other kids dad does (regularly).

I am not sure yet what I am doing... but wanted some "NICE" opinions. don't be all judging me because i goofed up - i was on the pill (we should have been using condoms too - but oops)

Answer 1

This is complicated, but I'll try and give you the abridged answer. Most adopters are Caucasian and infertile and want the "perfect white baby". BUT there are plenty of people who adopt transracially. I did, for one. Please find a good adoption agency to help you if you choose to make an adoption plan for your child. Open adoptions are better for all involved (even the adoptive parents-really, really). And you can PICK the adoptive parents. Do not look at any offers thru YA because that is just scary.

Race DOES matter. Your child is African American and in the U.S. racism exists. The likelyhood of you finding an African American family to adopt isn't great, but if you don't you need to find a Caucasian family that is committed to helping your child be aware of their racial heritage and be proud of who they are. My home is full of African American art. We read about African American heros and talk about racism. This is an important issue if you make an adoption plan.

Answer 2

A lot of times race does matter. I was in foster parent classes from July thru Sept and most of the white people wanted black children and the blacks wanted white children. The social worker said that she had more black foster mohters that wanted white boys and white foster mothers wanted black boys. She herself is white and had a black foster child. She tried to adopt thim but he had 2 other sisters and they found someone to adpot all 3 of them. I also know a white lady who adopted a black little boy. And she treats him like a king. I figure love is love and children know love. But from reading what your saying it doesn't sound like you want to give your child up. You can always apply for assistance. And sweety just because you are on the pill doesn't mean you wont get pregnant. I don't know if your religious but God don't make no mistakes that child is a blessing. Good luck in whatever you choose to do.

Answer 3

i can relate to your question 100% im white and have two absolutley gorgouse bi-racial children and my last child that i had was placed for adoption and a white family with no bi-racial family were so excited to adopt my bi-racial child and had been searching for a bi-racial child for several years and could never find a mother placing there bi-racial child for adoption to accept them or even consider them for the adoption, don't get me wrong it was the hardest decision of my life but today the emptiness is no longer there in my heart because i know i sacrificed a life so innocent and clueless that never even asked to be brought into this cruel world, and gave a loving couple unable to have one of there own the opportunity to raise my child the way i couldn't and give my child a life i never even had a chance to experience!!! But don't ever give up on your child just because of a man that fathers your other children because that child is a gift not a mistake and will stick by your side through it all no matter good or bad times your child will always love you unconditionally can you say the same for the father of the children you have already begun to raise? think long and hard at every angle and never be scared to sacrifice that childs life and protect her from the hardship you are facing in your life right now. have faith in yourself and all will fall back in to place babygirl, and thats a promise!

Answer 4

For a few months last year I worked at Walt Disney World, which put me in a perfect position to observe these kinds of family dynamics. I must say that I was pleasantly surprised by the colossal number of Caucasian parents who had children of differing races. In all honesty I can tell you that, as a wishful parent, it would never matter to me, but until I actually saw it right in front of me every single day I would have just assumed (wrongly) that race mattered to most adoptive parents. Maybe I was just naive before, but from what I saw there are many, many, many more parents who adopt interracially than I ever could have imagined.

Good Luck!

Answer 5

Have you discussed this issue with the father of your other two kids? Is he willing to include this new child in activities (although he wouldn't be providing support)? If so, at least that issue is resolved. Many guys who are active in their children's lives don't mind including a bonus child that isn't their's even in your situation.

For your specific information, as to whether people adopt outside their race, check with your local Social Services and find out what goes on in YOUR state. In my state, many more white folks would adopt babies outside their race, but state law prevents them EVEN THOUGH this leaves more children in foster care. I don't think most states have a stupid law like this, although they may have 'policies'.

Answer 6

The question should be "Does Race Matter to The Adoptee"

There are lots of blogs out there from transracial adoptees expressing their feelings of growing up adopted. These are the people that matter

Adopters probably love adoptees just the same, whatever race they are but the issue should be how it feels to the ADOPTEE

There is a book written by adoptees on this issue. It is called "Outsiders Within" some of the contributors to that book have also posted videos on YouTube

Good luck

Answer 7

If someone is open to adoption you better believe that their heart has to be in the right place to begin with hon! It takes months, years for a family to be approved to adopt. They ask just about everything but how often you use the toilet. They do background checks, police,school, church,talk to co workers, family, friends, neighbors, you name it! It's a giant test to make sure you are the right parents for this child.

Ethnicity, gender..That would fall under the adoption interview process when they tell what type of child they are open to adopting. So please know that as long as you are truthful in the childs info they will have lots of time to know if that is something they are willing to live with.

I can only speak for myself. I just completed an adoption in May after 1 1/2 yrs of court. Her crack head bio mom only came to see her 2 times in2 yrs. Once with her middle son & once with the new BF she was about to marry. She wanted her DD back ONLY after DNA proved my cuz was not dad.She wanted to sue for child support, BUT give her to a friend of hers with a housefull of other kids,already on welfare. No idea who the dad is,matters not 1 tiny bit. I knew the day we took her(she was 3yr_4mths then) that we'd probably never know who the dad was, if she had any health issues due to her moms drug use, etc.

All we knew is that we had 5 minutes to decide if we'd take this angel to raise as our own. The call was just 5 weeks after my 25 yr old son killed himself. I didn't hesitste a moment before answering YES! & we became parents again 15 min later.She arrived with only the pj's & coat she was wearing.

Answer 8

I know when I was adopted (21 years ago now) my parents were asked if they would be "OK" with having a disabled child (either physically, mentally or both) or with having a child of another race.

Being my parents and it being the 1980's they said no to both; but in this day & age I see nothing wrong with having a child with a different skin colour.

We're all the same on the inside, one heart; one brain; two lungs; one spleen; one stomach.

Answer 9

I definitely have an answer for this one. I have a one year old cousin that my aunt adopted from Guatemala about 7 months ago. My aunt struggled with having kids for years, several several miscarriages etc When it came down to it, the fact that Anna (my cousin) is Mayan Indian and looks hispanic dosen't mean a thing to her or my uncle. They wanted a baby of their own to love. If race mattered to those adopting then they can request their specific race. Overall though, i'd say it dosent play a huge part in the future parents decisions, if their anything like my aunt they desperatley want a baby to love and raise and race wont matter.

Answer 10

You say "I don't know if mentally - i would be setting this child up for 'issues' when his/her father never came around and my other kids dad does (regularly)."

Please consider how you would be setting this child up for "issues" if you gave him/her up for adoption. Having my mother relinquish me was the most painful experience of my life and gave me more issues then if I wouldn't have had a father around. I'm thankful that she is back in my life now but I am heartbroken by all the lost years.