How do i get him out of my bed?

Question

I stupidly let my son sleep in my bed when he was a baby, I know it was dangerous but he was my 1st and i was so overprotective of him I just wanted to be with him at all times. He's 2 now and I can't get him to fall asleep in his own bed. I have to cuddle him to sleep in the lounge and only when he is asleep can i put him into his own bed! He wakes up during the night to come into my bed, I've tried to put him back into his own bed when he does this but he wakes up straight away, Its physically draining as i'm not getting any sleep, He sleeps in the day so he fine! Please help!!

He has a nightlight and I even put a TV in there with him as i thought it may comfort him a bit. Just to add he plays with my hair to get him to sleep, he doesn't have any other comforter.

Answer 1

ok so i've been in this boat and am still in it but have slowly moved my son on.
my id is 2- yup we spent most nights with him in our bed as he was a super sick baby and didnt really sleep throughout the night. in my home culture iwe used to sleep with our parents so i totally dotn feel guilty but completely understand the sleep deprivation,.
he still wakes up and wants a drink at about 3 am
But here's the positive things ive done to make my life easier


he is excited to go to bed!
we make it a culture of reading and story time before bed.
he loves it!
not only does he look forward to bed time in his own bed every night - he actually takes my hand and tells me he wants to go to bed.

we mad his room up with a big boy bed. he loves the gron uped ness.


now after stories which are read and then a light goes off- or you may want to keepa small night light-
we talk to each other in the dark. - what do you want to do tomorrow- more made up stories that he adds to. etc...
he falls asleep knowign that i am there.
once he is asleep i make sure he is warm and cosy!- just as iff i were to cuddle up to him i replace my body with a bolster pillow that he can wrap himself around.

most night i fall asleep in his bed with him-
i'm exhausted after workign a full day. and that's fine for me
sometimes i crawl to my be at 3 am if i wake up.

enjoy the time with your son and stop feelign guilty- get some sleep in his bed in his room- good luck

Answer 2

Remember whatever you do, you are in effect changing the energy source of what he knows to be his security whilst not in control of himself (through being asleep). Kids often fear going to sleep which often leads to night tremmers and bad dreams, to get a child to sleep within their own security (without doing what the so called super-nanny does on TV with mind controlled manipulation) they need a sort of replacement security to take the place of 'Mum' whilst in their own bed. A blanket/Towel of soft toy is usually the choice many kids would choose, but occasionally just a reading of a book (bedtime prayers if religious kneeling with mum at side of bed) MAY offer some security and a mixture of smaller security measures would be better than one big security measure of having mum around all the time.

I would still allow a siesta through the day, but make this a short sleep so to be fresher through meal times (a few hours max IMO).. and try leave at least 4 hours before actual bedtime and stick to an actual bedtime on an evening as the bodyclock of the child will eventually pick up on this and actually feel sleepy at these times.


Good Luck!

Answer 3

Maybe try to explain to him that he's a big boy now and that he sleeps in his own bed now?

Or try the tough love approach, I imagine it's not going to work overnight, he just needs to get use to a new routine.

some other suggestions are:

A) tough love: don't reward his tantrums (?) by cuddling him to sleep, he'll get use to this pattern. Eventually he'll realise that waking up in the middle of the night and trying to get into mummys bed gets him nowhere. Just continue to put him back in his bedroom.

B) Make it exciting for him, take him shopping to pick out some stuff for his bed, like sheets and cuddly toys.

C) Is there anyway you can put him into a cot? Then he can;t get out of his bed and try to get into yours. Eventually he'll fall asleep.

Generally hun, I think he just needs to get into a new bedtime routine. And you need to be firm with him. You sound like any normal loving mother would, and you want him to be happy!

I'm sure I'll think of a few more ideas to add here

I wish you the best of luck!


The TV isnt a good idea, it's too stimulating and won't help him sleep. try some soothing music, or a relaxation tape (like sounds of the beach or something) I find 'whiring' noises make me sleepy (like the sound of a fan)

As for the hair thing, maybe you can get him a doll with long hair that he can play with as he goes to sleep. Try a few different comforter toys.

Answer 4

For one, don't lock your door that will only make the transition harder. And secondly, take the TV out of his room. A 2 year old does not need a television in their room. Don't expect everything to magically change overnight. Put him in his bed at night and sit and read him a story until he falls asleep. Also putting a picture of you by his bed is another good idea.

Answer 5

If he is fine during the day, then he is possibly scared of the dark. Also his whole life he has had you there to comfort him.

Get him a good night light, and possibly a big teddy bear to cuddle up to. Also I herd sound helps people feel like they aren't alone, get a stereo and play kids music really slow.

You can also try having him sleep in a separate bed in your room, so he gets use to sleeping alone.

Then you can move the bed in to his room. Then he will only have to get use to being in his room. :)

Answer 6

Like you said, stupidly you did what you did, rather than do it correctly, and not have the agravation.
You are going to have to take him to HIS own room regardless of his unhappiness. He has to know his room vs. your room. It will only get worse the longer you procrastinate. This is your problem more than his, as you started it.
Address your problem, and get him something soft similar to your hair he can touch at night. Always take him back to his room when entering yours.
Talk gently to him when he is awake and has your attention. Be firm but straight foreward. Tell him he must stay in his room now as he is a big boy. You may have to do this for days or weeks, but eventually it can only work.

Answer 7

we have major sleep issue in my fmaily. Because i am just like you. My boy slept in my bed from 11 months - 2 years old. What worked for my family was i put a toddler bed next to our bed. I was amazed that my son fell right to sleep in it. I plan on transfering him from toddler bed to his own room in the summer time when his sister is out of school.

My daughter age 8 slept in our bed too , we then transfered her to a todler bed in our room at age 2 . She started sleeping in her room at age 4 but, I had to stay with her til she fell asleep for about 6 months. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Your kids won't be sleeping with you forever although it may feel as they are.

Answer 8

I like the idea mentioned of you sleeping in his room on a mattress or something... perhaps start out by him, then on the floor (air mattress?) and give him something of yours like a shirt that smells like you, then start out in his room and leave him when he's asleep and go back to your room... anotherwards wean him away gradually. If he makes it through the night alone make a big deal out of it, perhaps make him Mickey Mouse pancakes or something fun as a reward and make him feel like a big boy to encourage him. Maybe you can find some kids books about kids being afraid at night alone, etc. and read him a story to get him to bed...? Be persistant and even though it can get worse before it will get better it is what has to be done!!

Answer 9

Do not lock your door. That will make him even more scared and then he will come in more and more. Read him a book or two or watch a movie with him to go to sleep. Explain to him that it is not healthy for him not to sleep in his own bed because then you dont get a good night sleep and neither does he. Best of luck!

Answer 10

My daughter was the same way. the only thing I could do was I finally got a Afro bed and i slept in her room on the floor for about six months and she finally broke the habit. I also got a sippy of water and put it next to her bed for when she needed a midnight drink. also i got better sleep because the aero bed is very comfy and easy to deflate and slide under her bed in the morning. he will break the habit but it is going to take some time
good luck
later