What do you think of my husband having my daughter to repeat THIS phrase after him: "I am not an adult until'?

Question

"I am not an adult until I have a college degree.'

:-)

Answer 1

to quote becccy231278

"I think that your husband is setting standards or goals here. and when standards are set children feel pressured. They are not performing monkeys and should be encourged to do well, but never TOLD. Whatever she does in life I'm sure you will be proud."

Why are we all bashing the dad? He obviously has his reasons behind saying this. Setting standards for your kids is a good thing, everyone. It helps structure their lives. If you had absolutely no standards for your child... aka they are allowed to do as they please... you both would be unhappy and regret it. I'm thankful for the standards and values my dad instilled in me, and I think it's sad that people treat that as being "too hard" on them. That's called love, ok? You care enough about them to help them along the way. I agree that he should be supporting her all the way until that degree is in her hand, and I also agree that maybe a 4-year college isn't for everyone. Obviously, this dad has enough faith in his daughter to believe she can make it through college. That shows support right there. He's not such a bad guy, ok?

Answer 2

There are people workin' in McDonald's with a college degree,(no slam intended!) Tell him I became a man,(adult), at the age of seventeen. Joined Army, went to 'Nam. Grew up real quick! Didn't have college degree then! He obviously want's the best for her. If you don't have a college degree, now and for the future, you'll probably have a real hard time in life. At least that's the way I see how he view's it. He probably doesn't want his daughter to have to depend on someone else, to get married too young, so that she can survive, or work in some low paying dead-end job. However I hope he's not 'brow beating' her with this. In my experience, this will make her 'run the other way' just to spite him! Tell him, she's a 'chip off the Ol' block', and she has your intelligence, and his. She will make the right decision.

Answer 3

I personally think that your child will lose some respect for her dad (at sometime), how old is she?
Each child becomes an adult at their own pace and if your husband doesn't recognise this then yes he is ignorant and in for a very rude awakening.
If everyone had to wait until they gained a college degree to become an adult, the world would be overrun by adolescents

Answer 4

I'm 22, married, with a child on the way. I DO NOT have a college degree. So does this not make me an adult? No. That phrase is ignorant and rediculous. College is not for every single person and your husband needs to realize this.

Answer 5

If that's the case, then I'm 30 years old, married, not living at home with my parents, a mother of a seven-week-old and fairly mature and intelligent, and I while I have gone to college, I do not have a degree. On the flip side, my husband not only has his bachelor's, but is a semester and a half away from his master's of divinity. Does that make him an adult and not me?

(My husband, while in grad school, did do a stint at McDonald's because we needed the money and I was sick and couldn't work.)

Also, how is your husband going to define "adult"? Can your daughter still be partially or fully dependent on you financially and materialistically even though she's 20-something and still in school? What if your daughter uses that as an excuse to not fully grow up?

I think I see your husband's reasoning, but there's a flip side, too. I know a girl who is 22, still in college, but living at home and for all intents and purposes, still dependent on her parents and her parents still provide for her, not only with food (even after she went vegetarian and wanting separate things from her parents) but with unnecessaries, like clothes, even though she has more than enough, and a cell phone. (Okay. In this day in age a cell phone can be a necessity, but not a fancy Razr with elaborate gimmicky features to just make more money.) The girl talks of moving out, but I don't think she is serious when she is still cozy in the womb with the umbilical cord firmly attached?

I might go back to college just to take some classes for self-knowlege. (I admit that my child(ren) will be taking classes in school in subjects that I either did not master or half-master as a child, or never understood as a child and will need to know this stuff to help them with homework.) Since it's not only been over a year since I've worked an office job and over three years since I've had to use a computer for work (no degree and two semi-real jobs), I'll need to take some introductory classes to boos my resume as well. However, getting a degree is not my primary goal for now. At this point in my life my goal is to raise my daughter and to help her brain powwer and to support my husband in his academic endeavors.

As in any marriage, my husband and I do bring different intelligents into our marriage. He's more financially and mathematically inclined than what I am, so he takes care of the bills and taxes overall. Yet, he's more likely to overspend and impulse spend. However, I'm not one to spend money when necessary. When I do, I make sure I need it and it's the lowest price possible and it will last me a few years. Because of our differences, my husabnd has talked me into impulse buys and I've helped him curb spending.

Also, I read over his papers and sermons to make sure they flow well and sound good. He's decent in composition, yet he knows that this is my strong suit so he asks me for help. (He's encouraged me to take additional literature and writing classes.)

Just some thoughts. If you want a 30-year old child piddling her way through college, then it's your decision.

Answer 6

I know people with their Master's Degree stuck moving boxes around in a warehouse.

Answer 7

I don't have a degree but I think its great anyway especially if he is paying for the degree!

Answer 8

I think that your husband is setting standards or goals here. and when standards are set children feel pressured. They are not performing monkeys and should be encourged to do well, but never TOLD. Whatever she does in life I'm sure you will be proud.

Answer 9

as long as he is supporting her until she gets the college degree.

Answer 10

It would be more nice if it was "I am not an adult until I can stand on my own two feet without mommy and daddy's help."

That includes living on your own, paying your own bills, and working your own job.