Why are some people horrible towards women who give their babies up for adoption?

Question

I've been adopted since I was a few weeks old. I'm 17 now. The reason why my biological gave me up was because my biological dad left her when she was pregnant and didn't want anything to do us... he left her with money problems and she couldn't afford to look after me. A lot of people critise women like her, and say they don't take resonsabiltiy for what's theirs, and that they're been selfish. It's not easy for any woman to give their child up for adoption, and I believe she was been anything but selfish, as she put her personal feelings aside so i could have a better life. I'm gratefull that she did that, because life with my adoptive parents is so much better and stable than life would have ever been with my biological mother. Not just finically, my mum was a housewife while my dad went out to work, so I was raised full time my parent, instead of been handed over to babysitters all the time.

Why do some people think these women are nothing but heatless?

Ps- I've never met my biological mother

Answer 1

Personally I dont think women are heartless who give their child up for adoption, in my opinion its better then aborting the child. To me it shows that they understand they are unable to care for their child so in the hope of giving them a better life they put the child up for adoption.

(I suppose some people dont understand why a woman would have unprotected sex if she did not want to get pregnant.) I dont know just an idea.

Answer 2

I don't think these women are heartless. I think it was a good decision that your biological mom put you up for adoption. It probably broke her heart though, and I bet she always think of you. The bond between a mother and a child is unbreakable, no matter where you are.

I hate it when people say... " Why did you have sex? If you can't take care of the baby...? Blah blah."
Things happen. We can't control or stop them...what is done is done.
Also...Have you noticed that the guy doesn't get blamed as much as the girl, even though it's partly there fault? How come the guy isn't considered heartless?

Some people think that these women are nothing but heartless, b/c they form one sided opinions. They don't know how difficult and complicated it is. They just look and go " Oh wow. What a ****. She had sex and now she can't raise the kids."


I think people should step in the other person's shoe before they judge.

Answer 3

Alot of proplr think that the birth mom should have kept the baby no matter.That means if she didnt have the money or a house she should have kept the baby. ALot of people that abdoption tears the family apart. I was adopted and thank god each day that i was. My birth mom was nothing. She had me and my siblings for ten years and then thought hey I dont want them anymore lets get ride of them. So before the ones out there say oh let her keep the baby, maybe they need to see why she is doing this

Answer 4

Most people are horrible to mothers who give up their babies for adoption, because they are ignorant and dont know the whole truth!!!!!

I am thinking of adopting and certainly dont think that way. It is unfortunate that they have to give up their babies, but they are far from being selfish!! Quite the opposite infact. If it werent for your mother giving you up when you were a few weeks old, you could have had a turbulent life. As it is you have had a stable life as you say and that is all down to the fact that your mom gave you up.

All you ignorant idiots out there, look and learn before you JUDGE!!!!!

Answer 5

In most cases, the people you speak of are ignorant to what an adoption plan truly is. They have no clue of the emotional strife a birth mother goes through, nor what the adoptive couple have been through (in most cases, lost babies, and infertility issues).

They don't see "God's plan" working. I believe that adoption is just that. God's plan. Life is full of heart wrenching experiences and tough decisions. One, is the most precious gift any woman could possibly offer to another, a child. When I think of the act, I begin to cry. When I look at my daughter while she is sleeping, I cry. Tears of sorrow for the loss, but also, for the ultimate gain/gift. I would not have my life's most precious gift, without the love of my daughter's birthmother, and I am forever, grateful, and thankful.

Answer 6

she will never stop thinking about you, wondering what her little girl grew up into. maybe at the time she was unstable, she may of been under tremendous pressure, bills mounting up a husband that had left her this is a very stressful time, some people can cope whilst others can not. she may wish that she had not left you behind, she may of got married again and regretted you not been appart off her life.

some people are to judgemental of others, they can not weight to throw the first stone what i say is pick the stone up and throw it back. i hope you do get to meet your mum look on the web sight friends united or go through the salvation army costs about £40 for them to Trace her . i really wish you all the luck you deserve in finding your mum. be Lucky

Answer 7

When I read your question,it reminds me of my daughter! I'm
in the same kind of situation with my daughter's mother? but the difference is I had a choice choose her or loose my daughter!
I couldnt accept certain lifestyle her mum decided to live and
I tried hard to get my daughter,but in most situations it hard for
a man to get the child, the mother have to be proven totally unfit!! I was told I wasnt the father to get rid of me and for years I wondered hten about 8 months ago I was told by my
ex that she told the lie to get rid of me and to hurt me??? then on top of that my daughter was given up for adoption,I knew of the people who adopted her and I wrote them asking how
she my daughter is doing and I'm waiting for their response!
In my case I would've tooken and raised my daughter,but I feel it was selfish to give her for adoption when I wanted to raise her! She had me and my mother to help along the way!
my daughter is 12 now and I do feel its best that I dont snatch her from all she knows now I will have to wait until she's grown enough to understand? So in your case you its good some wants and Love you ......

Answer 8

I feel its very brave to give a child up for adoption. I couldn't do it.

I love my baby son so much. We have very little money and I often worry that I can't give him as much as a richer family could. But I love him more than anything and at the end of the day love means more than material possessions. I would never ever ever give him up.

Just because a woman is poor does not make her a bad mother and just because a set of adoptive parents have lots of money does not mean they will be better parents than the poor biological mother.

Answer 9

I am very proud of you that you can see that side of the coin. A lot of kids that are adopted out have feelings of resentment to their moms/parents because they were just "given away", but I'm really glad that you can see your biological mom put her own feelings aside for you.

I agree with your viewpoint very much. I think that many people just think: "If you can't support a child, get on birth control". The world is very populated, and peope need to be more careful. A lot of teens just want to shag and don't care if they wrecklessly bring a child into the world.

BUT circumstances like yours is kind of different. Your mom couldn't control the fact that your dad was going to leave her. She was put in a tough spot because she was probably excited about the pregnancy, but knew she couldn't do it on her own.

I admire your mom, her, and your adoptive parents. I'm glad they were able to give you a better life, and that you can see the full picture when lots of people are incapable of seeing it all. It's a very difficult thing to give your child away to strangers.. and forever say good-bye to the precious infant you created.

I think it takes a big heart to admit you aren't as "fit" as this baby deserves, and give the baby away.. (not heartless). Have a good day!

Answer 10

i have met my birthmother and father. and i totally understand what you are saying. i have heard so many awful things about her and you know what? she is a wonderful, warm intelligent person. she truly gave me up for the right reasons. i respect and love them both for what they gave me.

i feel most people simply cant understand "how" they were able to do it. i know i cant understand that. i just am not strong enough of a person to do it. it takes a big person to admit and follow through on a lifelong decision like that.

hold your head high and dont let anyone tell you how you should feel about her or your situation. you are your own person and being comfortable with your experience makes you way ahead of your peers. bravo to you.

Answer 11

it is very nice to hear an adoptee say this, i am about to give my baby up for adoption and in all my questions about it there are people saying you should be able to bring up your own baby etc. and there are also the adoptee's out there that feel abandoned for some reason, which i don't get. it is sad you've never met your mother, do you not want to? I'm hoping my child will want to know me one day, but it is completely up to him. he is staying in the family so he will always know me as auntie but they will be living far away so i hope when he finds out he would want to talk to me.