I can't stand the fact that my boyfriend has two baby mamas and he sees them every weekend?

Question

I have always said that I would never date someone that had kids, or did drugs, or smoked. Then 5 years ago I met someone through a friend. She told me he was a nice guy and that he had a daughter and son but I told her that I wasnt interested because its trouble. She made me feel guilty because she said I was too picky and that I was never going to meet anyone. Now it's 5 years later and I still can't get over the fact that his two babies mamas drop off the kids every weekend. I don't want any woman and I have never gotten attached to his kids. He is a heroin addict (even though he denies it) and he smokes two packs a day. I have kicked him out of my home 5 times and I always take him back because I don't want to be alone and he is the only person that I feel cares about me. He has stolen money from me and my 14 year old son doesn't like him. I have no friends (since I met him) and my family sucks, so I'm all alone. I cant function alone.

Answer 1

Well that's the reality of HIS life, and if you don't like it you either need to accept it or get out of the relationship. He doesn't need you all p*ssy over it for the rest of his life.

You knew his life before you got involved with him so you actually don't have any right to complain now.

So either accept it or leave.

lb

Answer 2

So you've lowered all of your standards. Now stop and ask yourself why? And while you're at it you might ask yourself why you consider the person who introduced you to this guy a friend... I certainly would introduce a drug addict who steals and has children to someone I considered a friend! What's going on in your life? Are you on drugs too? My guess is that your family and friends don't suck, its your choices that suck. Let me ask you were they there when you put him out the first time... (I'm sure you weren't alone). How about the second... (Feeling abit more alone)... Do you think maybe they got tired of hearing you sing the same old song??? You've made the choice to continue in this situation for FIVE YEARS. So why should your family and friends feel obligated to be there for you?

When was the last time you just smiled and enjoyed life? You're making yourself miserable. You need to get this guy out ASAP! and keep him out! Then get yourself into counseling or a support group for enablers.

You've take 1/3 of your SON'S LIFE and him exposed to this.... Are you really this CRAZY or just that SELFISH???? What are you doing to this boy? I'm guessing your not trying for mother of the year! A child has a right to feel, not to mention BE, safe and secure in their home!! So much for rights, because there is absolutely no way your son can feel safe and secure in your home. Simply because you can't function alone, so instead of being alone you feel its better to let a thieving drug dealer to move in and out (I can only imagine the drama that goes now). You said that your drug addict boyfriend is stealing from you, so do you think its possible that he steals from other people too? How does he funding his habit? I can only imagine what type of characters this guy brings around your house. Will you PLEASE wake up before something happens. You've gotta realize that your son is at an age where he may start testing the waters ? Do you want him to start using drugs? I'm sure you don't, so get him away from this.

Snap out of it and pull it together! If you don't I'm sure Social Services wouldn't mind providing a safe environment for your son. I'm sure charges would also be brought against you since you are allowing your son and the two babies mamas kids to be in this environment. Hey but look at the bright side most likely you'll have to share a cell so you won't be lonely :)!

So get yourself focused and get out of this situation ASAP! Once you do, Im sure you and your son will be happier and in a much better situation.

Answer 3

Just about the dumbest reason to take someone back: not because you love him, but simply because you can't be alone...
For starters: there's a major co-dependency thing going on here. He's addicted to both sigarettes (which isn't all that bad) and heroin (which is a major no-no). As long as you keep taking him back, he's got a home base he can fall back to whenever he needs to score or a place to use.

Get yourself enrolled in a community. Join a church or attend some evening classes in a subject that interests you, so you can get out of the house and meet people.
Fiugre out what went wrong with your family, why you don't like them (or why they don't like you). You may not become friends with your family again, but at least it will give you some insight into your own personality which can help you in future relationships.
Build a life of your own, without him. You'll be better off, your son will be better off.

p.s.: your friend is right though: you have a son of your own, but don't want to date men who have kids too?

Answer 4

1) You knew about his kids before you had a relationship with him, if you can't deal you should leave. The situation is not the kids fault. He's hardly a responsible father if he already has two kids he doesn't live with by different Mothers.
2) He's a heroin addict.
3) He has stolen from you.
4) He's stolen from your son who doesn't like him. Is this really the male role model you want for your son?
5) Your son should be more important than this loser.

Just why are you in this relationship? Personally I would kick him out, take care of your son and address your low self-esteem issues. You can function without a man and your relationship with your son will benefit from not having this loser around.

Answer 5

GIRL! You can be BAD by YOURSELF! He's a loser, and so are you for having this man stay around. And you aren't alone, you have a son... who hates this man- what are you doing to him? Who comes first? You and your selfish, petty needs, or your son? This is the most important time in his life, and he's learning how to be a man from a thieving drug addict? You owe him AND yourself (and the rest of society for that matter) much better than that.

Find something else to do, volunteer, help somebody else who has worse problems than you to help you get some perspective- and take your son with you. You say you're a student. Focus on bettering your life rather than wasting precious time on a JERK!

Answer 6

Honey you need to see a Dr. Not trying to be mean but if this ADDICT cared about you he WOULD not be stealing from you!You lack self esteem & you could do a lot better for your self than some one like that ,if after 5 yrs you still choose to be with this character, you have some serious issues. If your son doesnt like him what does that say? He is a BAD influence on your son also.You say your family sucks? Is it because you are still with MR Stupid? STOP taking him back you are being used, forget about being lonely , get out & make new friends,Get yourself some help & figure out why you are attracted to losers/addicts. SOON .
(Sorry if this sounds mean)

Answer 7

You really need to learn how to function ALONE.

You are being used to the nth degree.

You have settled for a very vile individual.

What is it going to take for you to realize that you CAN function alone?

Will this drug addict have to hurt your 14 year old son to get your attention? He's already stolen from you guys.

You do know that a drug addict will kill his own mama to get a fix. And a heroin fix at that?

You know better. Because you said in your letter that you would never date someone who did drugs.

When you know better, you do better.

If you can't do it for yourself, then please do it for your son.

Don't you think he deserves better than the type of life that you're giving him?

Get your child out of that dysfunctional environment immediately. Do it before it's too late.

Answer 8

It's like the old saying, "If doing something hurts, then quit doing it." It sounds like you want to dump him for good. Do it!! It sounds like nothing good is coming out of this relationship. Forget about it being 5 years and fear of being alone. Being alone would be better than being with this guy. There's plenty of places to make friends and meet other guys. Of course, as you get older it gets tougher to find find guys (or women) without a whole lot of baggage. It's not necessarily the baggage that's the problem, but how he (or she) deals with it. Figure out just how much you're willing to deal with.

Even if he cares about you at all, he obviously makes you miserable. Does your family suck because you're with this guy and they don't like him? What about your son? Be strong for his sake. You're probably all he has to look up to. He's at the age where he figures out how relationships work. Being with this guy doesn't set a good example. Kick him to the curb and be strong!!

Answer 9

I am not an expert but it sounds like your not in a good situation. He does these things and you still keep taking him back so you are enabling his behaviors. As for his babies mamas he needs to be in contact with them if he is involved with his children's lives. It might make you upset but at least he wants to see his kids which is important for them. His drug habit and smoking (that's a lot of cigs eww) are his problem. Give him a bottom line don't let him in your home until he is clean from heroin. You should not have to feel like this

Answer 10

That Sucks big time! I'm so sorry for you , If your un-happy and you son is un-happy then honey let him go for real! When you found out that he has two baby's mama's and a drug user that should have been a red flag! If he does not want to get help then get help for yourself and move on TODAY! It's only a matter of time before he gets caught for the herion use and who know you'll probaly be with him and face jail time yourself , get out .

Answer 11

move on! leave him and his issues to himself, decide within yourself that you deserve better. The baby momma drama is enough, then add in heroin addiction, stealing from you.etc. He should be contributing to your life, not taking away. Come on now, in-order to truly love another, we must first have self-love. Find yours and then you will not have such an issue moving on. It is not that you are feeling that you are better than anyone, it is just that you love self and desire and deserve better. Tell your friend to date him, and then get rid of her for her bad advice. If you son doesn't like him, (huge clue). You deserve to be respected and yes you can do it alone. Stop being self defeating with this talk... Every one desires to be loved, however this is not love and this man is not capable of loving anyone he does not love himself. Plus: Tooooooooooooooo much baggage... You should be very picky about who you allow in your life.... And someone with an active drug addiction needs more assistance than you can offer... You should consider getting some counseling to find out what is at the root of this self-defeating behavior. Call the local domestic violence agency, they usually offer services on a sliding scale if you are unable to afford them. Good luck to you and God bless****