Should I seek more help?

Question

My Mother died on Aug. 1 this year. I can't seem to get over it. I take Xanax for this plus Lexapro. I seem to do good one day and the next I'm a mess. Sometimes I feel like I'm fighting my self from going over the brink. Don't know how else to explain that. Now, I find myself not calling my sisters like I always did. They keep calling to check on me I think. I just don't want to be around anyone ever. And that's hard when you have a husband and kids. I just don't feel like myself and I'm afraid I'll never be the same again. Such a big part of my life is gone forever. Should I tell my doctor when I go back on Monday that unless I have the Xanax, I STILL can't cope? Does it normally take this long? I keep thinking that he isn't going to let me take these meds very long. Don't know. Never took these before. Am I not doing something right? And I feel like it's all exploding again with the holidays coming and no Mother. Advice?

Answer 1

I was very depressed for a year after my father died. Everyone has different reactions, so be thourough when describing to your doc what is happening on the meds. You may need dosage adjusted or different med. Also groups do help, see if your community/ church/ doc can suggest a good group. I really feel for what you are going thru!!!

Answer 2

You are grieving and considering how short it has been since you lost your mum it is only normal. It is understandable to feel the need to resume life and be oneself again soon, taking some sort of meds can help but ultimately what you have are feelings and you cannot medicate those away. What you need to do is sit down the husband and kids and explain to them that your are struggling, really struggling. Explain that meds are not an answer and that you need some time. Now you cannot lock yourself away for weeks but you can take a few days. Stay in your room or check into a hotel. Cry, speak to your mother's picture, listen to her music and wrap yourself in memories so it all comes out. But after a few days you have to get back to the people who love you.. Your husband, kids and sisters have also lost someone and you need to all be together. Talk or just sit together and you'll find some more joy in daily life with your mum's memory firmly included for all of you.
You've lost your mum , please don't let those who love you lose you too. It does get better.

Answer 3

Of course tell your Dr. everything. It's very early yet for such a tremendous loss. You don't sound abnormal at all.
Have you considered counseling? A lot of time talking it out with someone else helps a lot in combination with your meds.
There are also support groups for those whom have lost anyone. Look around in your area to see if there are any groups like that.
I am so very sorry for your loss. The holidays especially the 1st is tough. You may be more depressed. Try to keep yourself busy. Be thankful for your children and family. Look for the positive and happy times. Laugh as much as you can and don't feel "guilty" for being happy.
It takes a long time and a different amount of time for each of us.
God bless and good luck.

Answer 4

I'm so sorry August is short time don't beat urself up. Lexapro is a maintence medication that people including myself can take forever Xanex is something that u can get dependent on but right now u need it so take dr understands this Holidays is shitty time i lost my dad four yrs ago tuesday u wont ever be the same but u can be happy strong again and somtimes u will cry relapse but thats ok its normal if u felt nothin that would be worrisome the intesnity and the frequency of the upsets will dwindle with time. feel free to contact hope i was helpful

Answer 5

I agree. There are grief support groups and sometimes it really helps to be with others who share an experience similar to yours. They're usually offered at mental health agencies and even hospitals. And the process of grief is different for everyone. However, it is important to work through the grief rather than push those feelings aside and then experience them again years later when you're triggered by something else, which can happen.

A characteristic of depression is isolating yourself ... this happens to many people, so don't beat yourself up over it. I'm not saying to continue to isolate yourself. I'm saying that this is a symptom of depression and don't blame yourself for your depressive symptoms. Also, I realize that you have kids and a husband, but you really need to take the time for you right now to do the things you need to do to feel better, which can be taking the time to go to a support group each week, taking the time to go to counseling, etc. Sometimes we don't believe we can take the time we need because we have other responsibilities. Also, it's close to the holidays and you very recently lost your mother ... do you feel pressured to have a great and grand Thanksgiving and Christmas? Maybe you're putting too much pressure on yourself when, in fact, your family doesn't expect you to put on a happy face and pretend that everything is great and wonderful. Sometimes we do that to ourselves ... we put more burdens on our shoulders than we would expect someone else to carry. Are you journaling ... expressing your feelings on paper ... to get the feelings out? Also, a therapist could help if you're not already seeing one. You have to talk out your emotions, and they're very experienced in depression.

I feel, but this is just my opinion, that Xanax is not good for depression. Although it might help for anxiety, it numbs your feelings so you can't work through them. Also, I feel that it can become addictive, and I believe (but I'm not entirely sure, so you might want to ask your doctor about this) that like alcohol, Xanax can have depressive qualities since it's somewhat similar to Valium. Additionally, anti-depressants work with the chemicals in your brain whereas medications like Xanax are entirely different. If the Lexapro isn't working for you, ask your doctor to give you something different to try. There are several types of anti-depressant medications out there and not all of them work for everybody. You may even need a combination ... I've heard of people taking one anti-depressant medication in the morning and a different anti-depressant medication at night. And give yourself time ... time for the anti-depressant to actually work (they do take time to feel the effects ... usually a couple months ... I don't know how long you've been on the Lexapro) and time to process your grief. Two or three months is not long enough to get over losing someone you were very close to and really loved. It is a great loss! And the holidays are especially hard. They depress a lot of people for different reasons.

Answer 6

Everyone grieves differently but you have to understand that backing away does not help. You can always join a group for peopel that have lost a parent. My fiances sister joined one and she said that it is really helping her. Sharing the memories of your mother with other people tend to help you feel better about her life and everything about her and is a better realization that she is gone. Im really sorry you lost her.

Answer 7

I know this wont help you any ,but my dad passed away feb 1999 then my mum followed in july 2000 and im still not over it.I dont think i will ever get over it and to tell the truth i dont want to.But our lives do have to go on,what do you think your mum would be thinking right now ? At least i didn,t have kids at home,but trust me it does get easier,it wont go away.Good Luck.

Answer 8

so this season celebrate what you truly do have, a loving family, a good husband,great kids and all the advice and wisdom that your mother bestowed upon you to give to your children. as for medication it does take time and patience ,those two words alone lead to healing.

Answer 9

No one will have your answer. Those pills will help for a while. The thing you need to do is get on your knees and surrender to God. If you can get in a quiet area, and really pour your heart out to God he will heal your emotions. He will give you rest, he will give you a hope for your future. trust him.