Can parents be good and effective parents working a lot of hours?

Answer 1

Of course! This whole notion of locking women up in a gilded cage of domesticity once the babies come is laughable. And it's a fairly modern construct, too.

Think about it ... women always worked long hours. As did men, and children. It's the industrial era that moved production out of the home.

It's challenging, of course, but maybe not any more challenging than giving up one income and asking one adult to become a full-time caregiver.

When my son was born, I was established in my career. I had enough flexibility that I could reschedule a meeting if my kid was sick, or work from home if I'd had a really sleepless night. I was also able to make some demands - no meetings before 8 a.m., for example - that worked for us. And yes, things fell apart sometimes. But not always.

My husband was my completely equal partner in this. He did as much childcare as I did, and was - and is - just as close to our son as I am. IMHO, that's a big benefit of NOT leaving most of the childcare to one parent.

We did spend a lot of money on excellent childcare, take-out food and a housekeeper. We had no family in the area, and without those things, our lives would've been unworkable. We also chose to live in a smaller home in the city to minimize our commute times and keep us within easy walking distance of many things.

A few months ago, our lives changed and I ended up staying at home. I must say, the time with my son is lovely. And I know him much better than I did before. (Of course, he's now a chatty toddler, so that helps, too.) But I regret that it means my husband doesn't know our son as well, and I really miss working.

There's no perfect solution, but two parents working is not necessarily a problem - and has some benefits, too.

Answer 2

I used to feel very guilty about working & being away from my son so,, when I was at home I let him get away with a lot of things & spoiled him... Then an older friend one day pretty much gave me a wack in the head & told me "just because you can't spend a lot of time with your child does not mean you should not be a good parent with the time you do have with him". They were extreamly right.
I have changed a lot of my parenting skills since,, Yes,, you can be a good, effective parent & work. I am not saying it's easy,, it is not. It is one of the most demanding balancing acts on earth,, that is key to "everything" Balancing..... School,, Play,, Learning,, Parenting,, Friends,, Work,, And I know it does not always Balance & you have to explain to your kid sometimes it's not fair but you try the best you can to be there as much as you can for them. Just remember to be a good parent with the time you do have with them.

Best of luck to you

Answer 3

Yes, they can. It is all about the quality of time you spend, not the quantity, although you need to have quality time frequently.

I don't have children of my own, but I can tell you about my relationship with my goddaughter, who I used to see every weekend when they used to live here. Every week I would spend quality time with her, talk to her, do fun and educational things together, encourage her to try new things, taught her to ride a bike, etc. Her mother, who was a single mom, was always busy working. I would say that my quality time every weekend with her has as much if not more influence on her than her own mother.

Make sure you connect with your kids, find out what they are interested in, what challenges they face, do fun things with them (even if some of them are boring for you). That is the key. :)

Also, another thing important is keep your word about your quality time. If you tell them you will do something with them this weekend, do it, don't back out. If they trust that you will really spend time with them, then they won't bother you all the time and will be delighted when you spend that time. If you constantly break your promises, then they will bug you because they can't trust you to keep your word.

So spend quality time with them on a regular basis. I would suggest at least once a week for at least 1/2 a day where you spend time with just them. Or once every 2 weeks if you can't swing that. But do it regularly and consistently, so they know that you are there for them, even though you work a lot of hours.

Answer 4

Absolutely. I have the advantage of having two grown daughters that level with me on questions, etc. They both are parents now, too. When they were small I was a professional musian and gone a lot "on the road." Mom would communicate what had been going on while I was gone and calls came from mom and children when I was gone. Just remember...It's not how much time...it's how much QUALITY time. That can be 10 minutes a day.

Answer 5

Why not? I work. Not for luxuries or treats, I work to pay the bills, in order not to live off benefits. My partner works too long hours and between us we provide a home and food on the table. I would love to be a stay at home mum but it isn't an option.
My daughter is brought up with love, we are lucky her gran looks after her. When we are home she is our world.
She will be taught manners and how to behave.
Don't judge me as a bad parent because I work bloody hard to provide a good home for my child and she is well cared for.

Answer 6

yes as long as the time spent together is good quality time. Not just chores and dinner.

My parents always worked, my father was always nights, but I never felt abandoned, insecure or alone at all. my childhood is full of happy memories because our parents made sure there was quality time EVERYDAY!

Answer 7

Yes! parenting need a lot of planning and time management, just prioritised the activity that need to be done, even if you have a lesser time with your kids, be sure that it is a quality time.

Answer 8

Yes, it's the quality of your parenting, not necessarily the quantity....some parents that are home all day stink, they don't care, and then spend too much time with their kids..

Answer 9

In one word NO. I know I will get thumbs downs but that is when kids started getting out of control...when mums began to work. Now parents work long ours then try to buy there kids love by giving them whatever they wanted and letting them do what they want...then when they are out of control blame ADHD and put there hands up in defeat. I know there are real cases of ADHD out there but many that are diagnosed should be diagnosed ULS (Undisciplined Little Shits).

Answer 10

Yes.

As long as they are not consumed with their careers.

And they are making every effort to spend quality time with their children.