Don't want the FATHER to BE THERE during the birth of my child?

Question

I am 5 months pregnant and soooo excited .... I can't wait for the baby ....

But I have a problem ... tell me something, if the husbands are there at childbirth, are they actually allowed in the delivery room? Because I know my hubby will be there on that day, but I don't want him to be in the OT. I don't want anyone from my family there. I want to go through it alone and spend some time alone with my kid, before anyone see her/him. I guess I am being selfish.

Anyone faced this? How do I tell him ? BTW, I don't have any problems with my husband. I love him a lot.

Most ppl , like most of you ppl, has called it selfish. But I ask, am I not the one caring for it for 9 months? Am I not the one giving birth to it? Am I not the one going through the pain? Am I not the one nurishing the baby, talking to it, feeling it? Then shoul my feelings be atleast RESPECTED?

Bcoz he might be feeling helpless but thats nothing compared to what I might be feeling.

Answer 1

The birth of one's own child is an unbelievable sight to behold. As a Mother to be, you've gotten to experience everything to do with the the child you two have created so far, and your husband has had very little. My opinion is you'll be hurting your husband, yourself and your child in the long run.

As a Mother to be, the child you two have created is already aware of *you*. Your voice, temperament and movements. Once born, you are closest because you will nurse and/or naturally nurture the child as only a Mother can do. As the baby's Father, your husband doesn't get the opportunity to bond with the baby at all *until* it arrives.

If you seriously want to experience the birth of the child you two have created alone, that is your decision. From experience, I know that after the delivery you will have plenty of time in the hospital and on Maternity leave alone with the baby.

My concern for you and the child you two have created is that it will make your husband feel alienated, unwanted and unworthy. You've created this life together and be assured, we as Mother's are the luckiest one's in Parenting.

**If you want your husband to be a part of this child's life, let him be so from the start.

Answer 2

If you are requesting other opinions to help you sort through these feelings because you are unsure whether the are valid than you should at least weigh the opiniions before you make a decision you may regret. Have you discussed this feeling with you spouse since the initial post? Would you change how you felt if he were to be very upset and hurt when you expressed you feelings?

Should he not be entilted to have his feelings respected, because he has had to sit on the sidelines and was unable to share the special time you have had with the child - most men do wish they had that ability to become pregnant- my husband and tio included.

If you want you child to bond with the father and want to allow the father the opportunity, please consider his request in assocciation with your own desire to spend time alone with the child.

As a mother of two - trust me there will be plenty of time with the child and it doesn't change in quality becuase they are more than a few hours old. Maybe arranging separate time to spend with the newborn will help- but it will happen naturally as you recover he will spend time awake and the first nights it is hard to sleep in the hospital because naturally we are concerned for the child as a parent. Be careful, as you may be allienating the father.

Another issue is the fact that you are embarking on a huge endeavor as a parents together, and if this is something you are dead set on it may carry over into other areas of the childs life. Sort through the problem now to avoid issues similar in the future.

And be careful that you are honest with yourself and open to see the situation through your husbands persective - as I am sure his feelings and desires are important to you.

Take care and best of luck with the child - they are going to be so wonderful when they finally get here.

And PS) During pregnancy we have sometimes irational fears, desires, and question ourselves all the time - just be sure to take the advice of the people who have had genuine input before you decide. And disregard immediate negative responses - you came for help sorting through this not to be chastised for honestly expressing your feelings - however selfish we may feel they are.

Answer 3

It is totally and utterly your decision in how you bring you child into the world, but remember that it took two loving and equally motivated people to create that child and the other one may want to see their baby being born.

I couldn't imagine being totally alone during such an emotional time. I couldn't imagine not sharing it with the person I love more than anything else. The person that helped to create this wonderful little baby.

Personally I do think it is a little selfish. He doesn't get to experience pregnancy, labour, delivery, breastfeeding etc...and now he is not going to get to see his child being brought into the world either?
I could imagine he might become very upset that he is supposed to be the bystander to such an important event in both your lives.

If you do absolutely think this is the only way you will feel comfortable giving birth then go ahead. But if you feel he deserves some say in the birth and life of his child then I feel you should give him the opportunity.

Its a once in a lifetime opportunity and the mother and the father should be there to witness the birth of their child together. This child doesn't just belong to you, its his too.

Answer 4

I can understand what you are saying. When I am hurt or sick I tend to want to creep away and hide by myself. I think it is almost and animal instinct. I had no idea what labor would be like and I was worried about having people around me. I figured that I would want privacy, as I am a fairly private person.

However labor is long and can be painful. It was nice to have someone there to distract me. It was also good for our relationship to have him see my go through all of that to bring our kids into the world. Ten minutes after the labor was over I turned to him and said "If you ever dump me for a 20 year old trophy wife, I will hunt you down and KILL you." I think he got the message. I will say delivery was much different than I expected. You are not watching it you are living through it. It is really hard to know what you are going to want when it actually happens. I was actually wishing for my mother, which is very out of character for me.

My husband actually saw me poop on a table and then watched as my privates were ripped open and a baby gushed out. He has that visual in his head now and yet still wants to jump me. Go figure. But it really was good for our marriage and our family for him to be included in that process.

Labor is not usually what you expect. If I were you I would wait and see how you feel going through it.

I will say, with my second baby, I did send my husband back to work after the delivery and banned visitors from the hospital. So I did have two days of alone time to bond with my newborn, before the world rushed in at us. People were angry, but I would highly recommend it. I can understand your desire to be alone but I think you might find it more useful after the birth, than during the delivery.

Good Luck.

Answer 5

First of all, express your feelings with your husband. But respect his as well. If he can compromise and be there during the delivery, but leave directly after to give you time to yourself that is wonderful. But you have to think of his wishes as well since the child is both of yours. Talk to him and dee how he feels and what he is willing to do and not do and then explain your thoughts and feelings about. The more open your with your feeling the better you guys can come to an understanding of each other's wishes. How would you feel if the situation was reversed? Would you react the same way? Just some gentle questions to ask your self.

Answer 6

you have had the joy of feeling this baby grow inside of you and have already begun to to bond. What about your poor hubby. His first moment to start to bond will be when it is born. So yes you are being selfish as you have already had 9 months. Your husband has had no time

Answer 7

I guess you should put yourself in his shoes. Is it right to stop the father from being there. Would you like it if he is there and he takes the child out of the room without you seeing the child and just wants to spend some time alone with him/her? You will have plenty times in life to be alone with your child. Right now is a special moment for both of you. It took both of you to make this child and you both deserve to be there when he/she is born.

Answer 8

My husband and I have been TTC for a year and I told him if I got pregnant and was giving birth I wouldn't want him in there because I think he would be too grossed out so yeah, I don't think your being selfish.

Answer 9

I agree with you completely. I only had my mom in the room and even though she was trying to be helpful and I was glad she was there at first extra people just get in the way. However if she hadn't been there I would have no clue what happened b/c I had a terrible doctor who almost killed us and was barely conscious during the delivery.But during labor people were just way to annoying to have around. Notify the hosptial that no one should be allowed in your room unless you give permission first.

Answer 10

That's sick thinking, and beyond selfish. The father has the right to be there, and you should want him there. You didn't get pregnant by yourself, woman! Have him there - you'll regret it otherwise. You'll have plenty of bonding time with your baby.