How do I cope?

Question

7 weeks ago I lost my friend to a car accident. I missed her funeral because I found out 3 weeks later 3 days after her funeral. On Tuesday another one of my friend's mom died of cancer. Her mom and I were pretty close too. These 2friends never knew each other and their only connection is me. I now feel like the Grim Reaper or the barer of bad luck because I lost 2 people in my life in 2 months.
While I was joking around with a co worker to try and cheer up the whole death comes in 3's joke came up and now I'm spooked. Like someone else in my life is going to die soon. how do I cope with this? I'm starting to feel like I inflict death on people or something.

I found out 3 weeks after the first friend died because we were friend in high school and lost contact shortly after graduation. Her family had been trying to find me so I could attend the funeral but foudn me 3 days after the funeral.

I've lost people in my life before but never in such a short time span

Answer 1

Death is a random distribution of events.
You have nothing to do with it.
Grieve as best you can and return to enjoying life as soon as you can manage.

Answer 2

Take a deep breath and relax. You need to talk to a counselor about your feelings. Short of you were in the Congo for three weeks and three days, you were not extremely close with the first person you mention. Had you been you would have known much sooner that she had died. She would have been an acquaintance instead of a friend. You were not driving the car, so you had no influence over her death.

The second was a friends Mom. She had been ill a long time, after all she did have cancer. Turning that into you did something is not a healthy sign for you. These deaths had nothing to do with you, they were random acts of life and death. That you consider that they were caused by you indicates you need professional help.

I urge you to seek help now before you allow this to become more serious.

Good luck.

Answer 3

It's perfectly natural to blame yourself when such terrible things happen in your life. But it's NOT your fault! You don't inflict death on anyone!

150000 people die in the world every day, and some of the are bound to be connected by someone or something because the very nature of being human is that we connect with others!

Dying of cancer isn't something you can inflict. It was an illness that would have done damage to her body for a long time before you lost her.

One of the hardest things is grieving for someone when you never said goodbye.

Visit her grave, if you haven't already. Have your own ceremony, whatever there is that will give you some peace and closure. It will hurt for a long time still.But not forever.

"as much as you want to hold on to the bitter sore memory that someone has left this world, you are still in it. And the very act of living is a tide: at first it seems to make no difference at all, and then one day you look down and see how much pain has eroded."
-JODI PICOULT- My Sister's Keeper

I'm here if you need anyone to talk to. [e-mail]

you're gonna be okay! it's not your fault, nothing bad is going to happen and you can't live your life in fear or you might never live at all!

hug*
xoxoxoxx
cara

Answer 4

You are not responsible for the deaths of these people. I also had several deaths in a short period of time and my husband said "I think you are wondering why this is all happening. I think that these you are having a lot of experiences of people close to you dying, but later it will be someone else's turn. It is like a bell curve. You are at one end with lots of death around you. And, there are some people who aren't dealing with any deaths. Then, in the middle are most of the people who are dealing with less deaths than you. It is your time right now to have this. Later it will be some one else's turn". This helped me get a perspective on what was happening. I hope it helps you.

Answer 5

there is nothing / no merit to the 3's logic. this is a myth .. old wives kind of tale. read the obituary section of a newspaper . there are deaths everyday / and births everyday. wins and losses . it's just a part of life.

pray for help , keep busy , don't let yourself think about this , talk any issues from counselor . also talk to physician . maybe a short term anti depressent will lift you a little and have some talk therapy with counselor . the combination might be what you need to get over the trauma / loss / greif and move on with your life.

assuming your freinds have accepted christ .. they are going to be in a better place than we have on earth . no tears ever / no pain / no stress . hard to imagine

Answer 6

ok you cant inflict death.i lost a friend to aids and wasnt able to attend his funeral.i felt bad.i lost a child 2 hours after his birth.things are just meant to be.you cant predict them or stop them.your suffering depression,maybe go see a doctor that might help.a counseler would help too.talk about it but over time you wont feel as bad.but the hurt never goes away.but with treatment you can control it.

Answer 7

Go see your doctor and ask for a referral to see a therapist. And I would suggest you run not walk. You are not the "Grim Reaper" not "Bad Luck." A licensed therapist can help you figure that out for yourself.

Answer 8

i have lost about 8 people in my life now...and i know the feeling its strange...but seriously its not you...your not the cause...really makes you wonder about your own time doesnt it....realy sad that every min is a count down to the end of you

Answer 9

get ur mind on something else. watch cartoons play a game. get a hobby. try a day by urself, unless u have school.

Answer 10

Pray! God will ease your concern. I understand this, it has happened to me a few times. also it ight be a good idea to speak to a grief counselor :)