He has driven the roads for more than 60 years -- is thoroughly independent -- has asked no one for help -- he's a proud do it yourself kind of man -- a Veteran -- a man who melts when he holds his grandbabies. But his driving has declined, we're not safe to ride with him, and were not safe if his car is coming toward us. He's getting lost in the town where he's live and driven his whole adult life. We are sad. We know there will be bouts of anger in him, and hurt in his eyes. He will be feeling a lack of respect from his family he has raised and given his all for.
How do we lovingly and respectfully make this happen?
How do we ease his pain while enforcing his safety?
2007-11-09 20:02:13 · 6 answers · asked by Hope 7 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Talk to him about what is happening. Be objective about what you are noticing. Offer him alternatives about how he can get where he wants to go. If he won't hear you, let his doctor know and make an appointment to see the doctor. If the doctor feels from what he is hearing, seeing that there is a problem, he would contact the Department of Motor Vehicles and they would require he take a test again. If he will not listen, you need to think of all the people who could get hurt and take the keys away. It is a difficult thing to do.
2007-11-10 01:23:35 · answer #1 · answered by Simmi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a very difficult thing - and something I will probably have to deal with in the not-too-distant future myself. I think that the issues will probably be two-fold. First, that he will feel that we don't respect him, and second, he will lose his freedom to a degree. I think that you MUST emphasize - perhaps many times - that you want him to be safe, and you don't want him to end up feeling bad because he has harmed someone. That could be a stranger, or it could be one of those grandchildren that he loves. It will take a lot of repeating, but hopefully that will eventually get through.
I think that the loss of freedom will be even worse. Remember how you felt before you had your driver's license? He's going to feel that all over again. I think you have to work to minimize that; find someone from a church or similar organization to drive him; if you can afford it, a driver would be a great thing. Help him plan trips in advance as much as possible, so he doesn't feel restricted. Enlist some of those grandchildren to help drive him around if they are old enough to drive. Check into resources from hospitals, senior centers, bus services, and so on to help him retain as much freedom as possible.
If he needs a medic-alert bracelet, be sure it has his name and address on it, too, and be sure that he still keeps ID on his person.
Good luck!
2007-11-10 04:16:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am 61 and I think that I would want my family to do it this way:
When it comes time to go somewhere if they would just say that something like Mom let me drive. You just sit back and enjoy the scenery. or some excuse like that. Don't do it all at once. If you have to finally completely stop him from driving maybe it would be better if you let his Dr. tell him. He already knows deep down that it is time to give it up, but just doesn't want to face it.
God bless you
2007-11-10 04:18:34 · answer #3 · answered by suzie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
U can request the DMV take his license away. u can take them and make him think he lost his keys. Tell him u love him but u dont feel safe riding w/ him, or if u can drive offer to drive instead of him.
2007-11-10 04:33:59 · answer #4 · answered by ksblue594 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
call the dmv and tell them what's going on. They can request he takes a actual driving test. This will take the burden off you. I understand how you both are feeling, I went through it with my grandfather. He felt he lost alot of Independence, as time went on he learned he had friends that would go out with him, family was over more which he loved. Eventually we hired a live in nurse, rather him stay at home than a nursing home. He refused to live with us because of his pride. Best of luck and God Bless
2007-11-10 04:13:37 · answer #5 · answered by red 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
has he had any accidents ? getting lost is quite different from judgement / driving impairments because of health issues.
i think that most people self manage and decide when they have had enough driving .
i would mention to him .. dad do you think your judgement is good still ... part of being of good driver is being able to asses your ability and minimize any risks . give examples ... don't do it in a confrontational manner .. just do it straightforward manner. let him make the decision maybe just not to drive ... offer solutions ... maybe he keeps the license and decided not to drive . he needs to be the one who feels he is in control . strongly guide and suggest he evaluate carefully .
2007-11-10 05:35:28 · answer #6 · answered by Mildred S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋