Young Daughter is sexually active please help?

Question

My 12 year old almost 13 has final admitted that she had oral sex and swallowed a guys semen. Its her 13 year old boyfriends if you can call it that they do not hang out at all after school or on the week end. But I know the boy he rarely interacts with my daughter at all they are friends but just barely. Hes not a bad kid but its because of this that I am upset and I really do not know what to do or how to handle this.

She is my first daughter. I do not think I want to press charges but I do not know the law. We live in Ontario. I think I am just here for advice I found out only hours ago. What happens now? And do I need to report this by the law? Can I go to jail if I do not? I don't want to get this kid in trouble but I should probably talk to his parents and I would like to know all my options.

I read some of the answers.
dragonbaby I know she does not do this type of thing often. She said it was her first sexual encounter of any kind. I rarely see her with any boys and shes not the rebelling type. About a year ago she told me she had a crush on this boy. But that was just jokeing around talk I did not take anything big from it.

Christo - My husband has not got home from work yet I am the wife. lol

I am going to put the question to vote because its to hard to find an answer. I talked it over with my daughter and she consented on her own. I had the talk with her again and then I told her she was still to young to be involved in theses things and if she decides to continue in the future to speak with me if she has any questions. She agreed but lets hope shes not twisting my leg.

Answer 1

First of all, don't panic.

Like I mentioned to someone else, there are 3 stages in life: childhood, adolescence and adulthood. Although we like to pretend childhood lasts until they are 25, childhood actually ends at puberty. Once they reach puberty, they are adolescents and are now sexual beings. Before puberty, sex was "disgusting" and boys were "icky" but after puberty, boys are interesting and they are curious about sex. So don't stick your head in the sand and pretend she is an asexual child when she is not. The whole ball game has changed and you will now need to protect her from her desires and curiosity, as well as educate her on your family values and morals surrounding sex, relationships and marriage.

She has reached puberty, and like it or not, she now desires or is interested in sex, like all other human beings who have reached puberty. (Don't you remember your teenage years? Even if you didn't have sex, you did lust after others.) So the sexual desire part is normal. Her actually having sex, however, is natural, although not necessarily the best thing for her to do, especially in today's culture. It is best to encourage her to wait, for a variety of reasons, including finding a loving mate and protecting herself from diseases and bad relationships.

It is actually very good that she told you this. It is better that she communicates with you instead of just doing it behind your back and you sticking your head in the sand and pretending she is still an asexual child who hasn't reached puberty yet.

You have to remember that even though we live to almost 100 now, hundreds of years ago, in many parts of the world, people got married and had children when they were 13, and they died when they were about 30. That's not a typo. Yes, I said died at thirty. I am not saying we should follow that model today, but my point is, human beings are designed to become sexually active after puberty. So don't think that her desires are abnormal. They are not. Times have changed, we live longer, and we are more educated, and now we force people to abstain from sex long after puberty, which is probably a good thing for a variety of reasons.

Second of all, you will need to "have the talk" and start talking about and teaching your family values and morals concerning sex, relationships and marriage. You will need to talk about safe sex, why it is better to abstain, what the risks are, both physically and also emotionally. It is important that you educate her on your family values in this area, and why it is better to wait to have sexual relations. She started to talk to you because she trusts you. That means she values your opinions. Instead of judging her, guide her to make the right decisions.

Thirdly, since she is almost 13 and had sex with a 13 year old, there is nothing you can do legally, unless she was forced. And from what you told us here, she probably wasn't forced, she was probably just as curious about sex as the other 13 year old.

The biggest thing you should do is talk to your daughter and help her make better decisions. And make sure you say "why" she should wait. If you just tell her "no" and don't tell her why, she will probably just do it anyway. Telling her why is vital.

You have a huge opportunity to be her guide about her newly found sexuality and feelings. You can be there for her and guide her, or your can alienate her and judge her. I would recommend you become her guide.

Good luck and make sure she knows you love her. :)

Answer 2

i would not press charges i actually think that you cant very easily since they're both under 18 and she consented. but not sure about that. its sad that this happened but i can honestly tell you that kids are going to experiment you can say whatever you want as a parent but they are still gonna be overwhelmed by their curiosity and their hormones. the best thing that you can do right now is put anger aside and talk to your daughter and if you feel you need go ahead to the parents if you dont want this to happen again both parents will have to work on it but be prepared just incase you meet parents who care at all what their son is doing. Honestly this is natural but not necesarily right best you can do is talk to her show her how much she has left to do with her life and she doesnt want to keep doing things until she makes such a big mistake that it keeps her from her future. i was a very sexually active teenager and what drove me to do it the most was my parents constantly agree with me for just talking to boys and never just listening to the things i had to say i was feeling, so it drove me to do more and more so ive learned communication and keeping your anger in will go a long way.

Answer 3

I'm from the US, but that isn't against the law here. They are close in age, and kids have rights when it comes to their sexual health. Your daughter is young, but she's old enough to like boys, and you can't stop that. You should talk to her about condoms and safe sex. She is going to experiment sexually, so it's your job to make sure she knows about safe sex. I know you want to protect your kid from things like that, but she is becoming a woman. It is your job to support her and help her make good decisions. She's not a child anymore, and that's a hard thing for parents to accept.

Answer 4

explain doing that will give her a very bad name at school. It is not healthy as diseases are passed this way. If they do not hang out then when did this happen? If it happened at school then you need to take it to the principal. You do not need to lay charges but you supervise your child for every second that she is not in school until you feel you can trust her again. You talk to the boys parents and tell them that their son is to stay far away from your child. But most of all you teach your child to respect herself and don't go giving herself away to boys because all that will happen is she will get a reputation and all the boys will want oral and vaginal sex and not anything else. Best case scenario would be pregnancy,,,worse case would be VD's and AIDS

Answer 5

Speak with his parents. Then monitor your daughter's every movement. Be sure you know where she is and with whom at all times. She should have NO CONTACT what so ever with this boy ever again.

If she doesn't know this boy all that well he probably took advantage of her and she has the misconception that this kind of behavior will make her popular with the boys.

You need to take a really deep breath, then tomorrow sit down with your daughter and have a heart to heart talk with her. Tell her the facts of life. Explain STD's to her. Explain why sex at such a young age is not advisable. Use the internet to back yourself up.

Explain why you are upset over this. She needs to know it all!

Good luck and God Bless

Answer 6

What happens now is you need to talk to your 12 year old daughter and do your parenting before she gets any older and her mind molds to something you do not want.
I'm not quite sure about the law on this either. I would probably not report this because I do not see how that will help you parent this situation. I highly doubt you will go to jail for not reporting it.
I would suggest to get professional help, I find it difficult for you to overcome this and give your daughter the counseling she needs with help via online Q&A's.

Answer 7

you should talk to his parents so that they are informed of what they're child is going through. I dont think you should try to get the law involved because there is not really anything that they would be able to do. talk to your daughter more and try to find out why she did it, peer pressure? felt she needed to? wanted to be liked? maybe u can get some clues and then change her way of thinking so that the next time something like this could possibly happen she makes the smarter choice and doesnt do something like this again.

Answer 8

Talk to her more, explain about sexually transmitted infections & that they CAN be caught through any sexual contact without a condom, educate her without making her feel bad, express your upset ,that its only because of her age & that she has plenty time to experiment when she is older & hopefuly within a relationship with a person that respects her, let her know you are available to advise her but you are still her Mum.

Answer 9

i am only 26 myself and i think its disgusting what i have just read but also i really think you need to go and see the lads parents and let them know that if it happens again you will go to the police and you really need to come down hard on your daughter let her know how hard it is not being able to do things if she ever got pregnant not being able to do the things she wants to do not having a future and things like that ok hope this help good luck

Answer 10

Go to the law with a social worker. Let the experts deal with it. Do not go to the child's parents! Some people are not what they seem.

In England (Canada may be different), do not necessarily sign the witness statement. This cannot be retracted. If it is not signed .... well that is why a social worker may help.