Is There Anything Wrong With Being an Atheist in the Closet?

Question

just wondering.

I'm 18, and over the past few months I gradually have been giving up religion. I was never very much into it in the first place, but recently I finally realized how organized religion is crap. Reading more and more books about it, watching more and more lectures on youtube by the genius minds of Hitchens, Dawkins, and Harris. I'm now fully confident in my atheism.

but I still live with my overly religious parents. And my best friends are all religous. And this year (first year at university), I've met soo many amazing people that happen to be religous, and really don't wan't to sacrifice friendships and alienate people from me by being vocal about my atheism. I also don't wan't to get kicked out of the house, or lose all contact with my family.

Is their anything wrong with just 'playing along' with the idea of God to not rock the boat?

Is anyone else (young person) in a similar situation fearing the backlash of coming out as an atheist?

Answer 1

If you're actually worried about being kicked out of home then you probably should remain in the closet for your own safety.

Normally I would say that one needs to come out and show the religious a moral atheist but not if you'll suffer much from it. I wouldn't worry about losing your friends (it's a good way to find out who is actually worth having as a friend) and once your parents aren't able to hurt you by kicking you out of the house you don't need to worry about your family leaving you (if they do then you get to find out that they're not people you really want to know).

But if you can get kicked out of your house, fired from your job, expelled from uni (very unlikely, unless you're at a fundamentalist Christian university), killed, beaten, severely harmed, ostracised, etc then you really should stay quite until you're in safer circumstances.

You will know if one (or possibly more) of those things applies to you better than I do.

Answer 2

Well, first of all, you don't have to be an atheist to realize that organized religion is a bunch of BS (I don't go to church, but I still believe in God).... But, hey, if that's what makes you happy, then you do what you have to do.

To answer your question: If your friends are true, good, and loyal friends, they won't care about your religion, because for the most part, that has nothing to do with who you are as a person. However, if you were to tell them, and they treat you like you are a lower being, then those aren't the types of "Christians" anyone needs as friends. Either way, you will know how they truly feel, and you will be much better off for it.

As for your parents, just sit them down and tell them exactly how you are feeling. They may not approve, but its better than lying to them, right?

I wish you the best of luck, and I hope this helps.

Answer 3

First of all, there's nothing wrong with being an atheist no matter where you are (even if it's in a closet). I know what you're talking about though. I never believed in god but tried throughout my entire childhood to. Finally, in my teens, I realized that I shouldn't have to try so hard to believe. I also realized that there was an option to not believe so that's what I did. But I didn't actually come out and say it to anyone until I was in my early 20's. I didn't even use the word "atheist" with myself until then. I was just someone who didn't believe in god. If you don't feel comfortable sharing it, you have no obligation to. As for your friends, they aren't very good friends if they're willing to throw away your friendship over this one difference in beliefs. As for your family, it's hard to say what you should do. You say their overly religious, but are they closed-minded as well? Do you honestly think they'd disown you or cut off contact with you over this? If so, you have to decide whether it's worth the risk of losing your family to be open and honest about your beliefs.

Answer 4

If you no longer believe in God, that is your choice. But you won't be able to hide it for long. When the conversations turn to religion, people will be able to tell because of what you don't say. You need to talk to your parents and tell them why you no longer believe. And you will find that even though you don't agree with them, they will still love you. And a true friend will not be alienated by your decision. If they truly have the love of God in them. But you do need to really search further before you come to any conclusion. My opinion is that no body should "just play along" whether they believe or not. It can cause more harm in the long run, then coming clean will.

Answer 5

Up until the age of 15, I went along with the flow so as not to rock any boats. However, I was a child of closet atheist parents and, living in the UK where there is NO bible-belt mentality, it was easy to 'come out' of that closet.
You must judge for yourself based upon your own particular environment. I understand that the US is a hotbed of extreme christianity and that an atheist can be ostracized. Do what you have to do to maintain harmony UNTIL you are free from the restraints placed upon you by parental control, family pressures and ... friends. Incidentally, your friends are not true friends if they cannot accept you as a non-believer and, should they profess to be good christians, then they would surely be tolerant of another's beliefs and NOT shower you with promises of a one way ticket to Hades.
You are NOT alone. There are many US-based atheists and, if you could only find a few within your immediate circle then you would get some moral support, even one or two true friends?
Meanwhile, I would recommend pretence. Lots of people do it. Some politicians are NOT as stupid as GWB and pretend to have religion just to get the votes. You can pretend just as well as they can. Seems safest in your current situation.
Welcome aboard.

Answer 6

You must live in the US, or an Islamic country?

Believe me, it wouldn't be an issue elsewhere...

Don't let the b'stards grind you down.

Freedom is either freedom or it's not. If you don't make a stand for your right to believe and live as you wish, then you are weak and will make a rod not only for your own back, but for others too.

If you are polite and respectful, people who love you and respect who you are will stay right by your side.

"I also don't wan't to get kicked out of the house, or lose all contact with my family."

This is one of the saddest things I hear. I'm sure you can work it out. I fully concure with bestonnet's wise words.

And remember, love is, after all, love. Love is unthreatening.

Answer 7

Nope. To thine own self be true. If you think it will cause conflict with your Family. Or hurt them. Go ahead and play the Game. You are not hurting anyone. Once you are on your own if you feel like you need to tell your Parents of your choice do so then. How Christian can your Parents be if you fear being kicked out for not believing the same as them anyway?

Answer 8

There is nothing wrong with pretending to be relgious, but still I think you should come out and tell them the truth, I told my parents when I was in middle school, that I am an Atheist, they are very religious and respect my opinion. If you tell your friends and they stop hanging out with you because you are an atheist, than they are not real friends.

Answer 9

closets are for clothes not people but I can understand the extenuating circumstances that you have to deal with and you are best to avoid an obvious confrontation that would inevitably ensue. Wait till you are out on your own. you show wisdom to humor your parents rather cause trouble for you and them .

Answer 10

uh, i used to do that because i had a couple friends that were VERY religious and i didnt want to lose them as friends.
but now, i realize that if they are going to stop being my friend just because i dont believe in god, they are contradicting their own ways. you know what i mean?
i think what you are doing is fine, i hope you just realize though that if they were to shun you out, they would be completely contradicting their own beliefs.