Tell me what you think....?

Question

Okay heres my story..

The girls in my family 16, 17, 18 are all having babies, none finished high school, no jobs, no fathers, they are having these children and then living off of wellfair, they dont even take care of them, they are handing them off to the grandparents.

But they want to have these huge baby showers.

I know its not the babie's fault but I havent been going to any, b/c I dont think its anything to celebrate. But Im getting the gilt trip from my Mom.

So what do you think? Am I wrong for not going?

Answer 1

I don't think you're wrong necessarily. But I think you have to be careful about how you come across. These are your family, after all, not friends whom you could choose to be around or not. And these women AND their babies are going to be your relatives for a long time.

They may be all excited now, with the pregnancies, and the attention they get, and the baby showers. I wouldn't be too disapproving. They won't get the message, and they simply won't like you, and will call you snotty or something. Trust me, these young women are going to find out VERY SOON that what they've signed up for is much, much more work and sacrifice than play and enjoyment. This baby shower may be the last party they ever enjoy for themselves. So you could think of it that way, just go along. For now, maybe they're telling themselves they feel sorry for YOU, because they're so "grown up" with children, but in a year or two or five, trust me, they will mostly be jealous of your freedom and accomplishments. And if you wait and have children when you're established with a career and husband, likely they'll be jealous of your lifestyle and well-behaved kids also.

You've got it all, kiddo. There's no need to make sure everyone knows how you feel. Good luck.

Answer 2

Well, I wouldn't say that you are either right or wrong. I guess they're having the baby showers, really just to receive gifts for the babies. By not going, you're making a statement and saying that their behavior is unacceptable. I understand what you're doing. You have every right to make that statement. Parenthood is serious. Becoming a parent is a tremendous responsibility. These girls are just babies behaving irresponsibly. I think that you might be doing the right thing. I don't know the individuals in your family drama so I really can't make a judgement. I think that bringing a new life into the world is very special. These girls seem to be too unconscious to realize that fact. I really don't know if by avoiding these showers, you will have any kind of impact on their consciousness but I applaud you for trying.

Answer 3

That is really sad that they make the adult decision to have the babies and they cant be adult enough to back up what they did. I'm sorry but these girls are trashy to not do anything for their babies and expect other people to. Welfare is not a long term solution and if you use it as one you are trash and i think that they need to have there baby's taken away. I think that you are right by not going to the baby showers because by going and giving them things that they should be getting on their own all you are doing is enabling them. Stick to what you think is right and dont worry if your mom is giving you a guilt trip, you have to know that what you are doing is right and by doing what your mom thinks is right you are not sticking to your principles and that is something you really shouldnt lose touch with. Im 18 and pregnant and my mom wants to buy me like everything i need and i wont let her because this is my responsibilty and its not right to let her take my responsibilty and make it her own when she wasnt the one who decided to have the baby in the first place. Don't help them do something wrong just to make your mom happy because in the end all you are doing is hurting those girls because they need a severe reality check. You need to report them for neglecting there precious babies, not buy them presents. The babies deserve alot better than what they are getting. Dont see not going as punishing the babies the best gift you could give them is a better home with a mom and dad who will take take of them and realize that they need care and attention. It would upset people in your family to have those babies taken away but they dont need to know that your the one who did it and if they wont do whats right for those babies you should. You obviously feel bad for them, so dont wait, take action. GOOD LUCK IN WHATEVER YOU CHOOSE!!!

Answer 4

Your not wrong for not going. They sound very greedy and selfish to me.
I had a baby shower at 8 months, with my twins. Only my extremely close family and friends came, and they were told no expensive items or else. We had bought all the furniture, toys and linen for the boys. Really there wasn't much else to buy.
I enjoyed just having my friends and family together, for one last time before my partner and I became parents.

I refused to go to a family members baby shower about 3 years ago. It was my uncles 15yo step-daughter. She is a ***** and if you look up SELFISH in the dictionary you will see her. She actually had the nerve to send out a list of gifts to buy. Nothing on that list was under 50 dollars. You can see why I didn't go, can't you!!

Answer 5

I was in the SAME situation....my cousin and his gf were having a baby at 18 0r 19 and I was TOTALLY against the 2 of them having a baby...they were kids themselves that had a LOT of growing up to do and maturity to gain before they try to be a role modle for a little girl. I didn't go to ANY of her baby showers, my mom gave me a guilt trip too, so I put $10 in towards their gift and stayed home. I love the little girl (now 2) to DEATH and it is not her fault thather parents are knuckle heads, but I still couldn't go to the shower to support the parents.

Answer 6

a - not finishing high school
b - no jobs
c - no fathers
d - living off on welfare

and they still want huge baby showers? they need a reality check. who's gonna pay for the parties? the babies need the money more

i can see why you don't feel like attending the parties. you don't have to if you don't feel like going. wouldn't it be rude to come and the hosts see that you're not happy and you're showing it? create a good excuse and send them gifts to make up for it

but if they invite you personally (not through invitation for the family) i think you should go

Answer 7

I guess it's a good thing they are having baby showers so they can get the things the babies actually need. I see what you mean though- it's nothing to celebrate; however, it's already done with and they are pregnant so why not celebrate?

Answer 8

they shouldnt expect anything. especially a big baby shower. but you are right, its not the babies fault, so when they do have the babies, dont let it out on them, and i know thats easier said than done. good luck.

Answer 9

The babies, mothers and grandmothers may need the gifts handed to them. I don't think they are making the greatest decisions, but you can't change anything to this.
If you feel uncomfortable, maybe you could send a card?

Answer 10

One should always support family. They sound as though they have all made silly errors, and you are certainly smarter than they are, but this is a time for family love and support.