My boyfriend of eight years has started using drugs (meth) and his attitude has really changed. We hardly talk and he goes and sleeps on the couch. Four years ago we got in a big fight and I left with our 2 year old son to a shelter. I had to talk to a social worker and they opened up a case. I found out while in the shelter that I was pregnant with our son who is now 3. We got back together about 2 months later and things were going good until last night. we got into a fight because I came home from work and our lights were shut off for none payment, which he pays. He hit me and blood was pouring everywhere, I took our 2 boys to the police depart. and they arrested my husband and called social services on me! they have my other incident on file and are now saying they might take my children from me! luckily I had the money and our lights are back on but they said I'm going to have to take parenting classes and the father once out of jail can't come back. any helpful suggestions?
2007-11-09 15:37:13 · 12 answers · asked by TM25 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
The social worker said he would be coming to my house today in the night at 7:00 p.m. and it's 8:40 and he hasn't shown up, is this normal?
2007-11-09 15:39:34 · update #1
the social worker just left, he said my house looked great, my children are fine and safe and everything looked good. He said that there father agrees to stay away for the duration of the time of the restraining order and agrees to go to anger management classes and parenting classes. the social worker said that he feels it's okay for me to talk to the father on the phone but not in person. He said he sounded really willing to fix our problems and take all the requirement classes that he needs to take. do you think I should respond to him?
2007-11-09 17:04:50 · update #2
Are you objecting to having to take parenting classes? Sounds like you really need them! It's about time you grew up and start thinking about what's best for your children instead of just yourself. Think about what kind of life they're living!
2007-11-09 15:42:29 · answer #1 · answered by Emily Dew 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes i would suggest you think about the reasons you actually took this guy back the first time? Were you out of your mind? You are putting yourself and your children in jeopardy by exposing yourself to this person. Now here you are suffering the aftermath of assault, and you wonder why social services is involved?
Hon, please take care of YOU. i feel that the first thing you need to do is talk with a therapist... go to some open narcotics anonymous meetings (so that you can see how other people in your same situation have to live -- you will be surprised that they live similar lives as you). If social services SEES and knows you are doing things to get help, they might be a little more compassionate about your situation.
I hope you are not planning to take this guy back when he gets out of jail... if so, you are setting yourself up for more incidences and a rough road...
2007-11-09 15:55:24 · answer #2 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
damn girl. you need a good lawyer. just remember, if you havn't done anything wrong then they shouldn't take your kids. as long as you don't have drugs in your system you should be ok. just never ever take that man back ever again. if you love your children you will choose them over him. unfortunately you probably still love this man. but you have to love your kids more. they need you a lot more than he does... meth is a horrible drug that as you already know changes people for the worse. he will probably never be right again. forget him. the kids will be better off w/o him anyway. if you are afraid you won't have enough money , go live with a friend or a relative. do what you must to get away from this man.
in the mean time. you did the right thing by getting the lights back on. make sure you have enough food in the house, and the house is clean. make sure your kids are clean.
do everything they ask of you. take the parenting classes. the social svcs job is to protect your kids. that is why they want to make sure that man doesn't ever come back. if he can hit you, he may hit the kids. remember to just do everything they say and you and your kids will be alright.
i've been through all of this. my ex husband was a heroin addict. we were together for 10yrs!! I loved him and wanted him to change but he never did. He made my life miserable. he became a lier and a thief b/c of drugs. We never had any money b/c of the drugs. my kids (three little boys) were taken for 6 months.
I CHOSE MY KIDS OVER HIM. i moved in with my sister, she helped me keep from being weak and going back with him. you see, i still loved him. but i HAD to leave him... and once i did that, everything started going in the right direction. i did everything they wanted from me. parenting classes, drug classes, NA, drug tests, domestic violence for victims classes. it was very difficult, but i got them back. i divorced him and my kids and i are very happy. I can't believe i ever let that happen to me. but love sometimes clouds your brain. if you need to talk more email me. good luck
2007-11-09 15:57:33 · answer #3 · answered by gretch 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Only is this normal, but here are some harsh reality facts you need to get and understand quick. Your State is getting ready to make you choose and grow up quick. Your children are not only your most important things in life, now they have become the States. Your social worker will show up, "When She Feels Like It" and your house had better be in order. Food in the Fridge, Cloths cleaned and your children better be in bed and clean. If not they will take the kids tonight. Sometimes love is not all it is cracked up to be. I have never been in your situation but I had a friends child in my home for over a year because of a similar situation, it was a choice of my house or foster care. They came to my house between the hours of 1am -midnight whenever the social worker got the urge....Be careful - don't allow his mistakes to make you lose your children. I hope all works out for you. I will keep you in my prayers
2007-11-09 15:48:36 · answer #4 · answered by lekeshia s 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My suggestion is do everything you have to do to keep your children. These people help you and those children. Its Protective Services, they dont WANT to take your children.. they want to make sure you know how to, and DO take care of them.Obviously if your boyfriend is in jail, you have hit a curve in the road.. Let them help you, dont be so upset and defensive on some calling and saying you may need help- uhhh YOU DO! It is your responsability to provide and care for them. If you are, then you have nothing to worry about, what is a few Parenting classes? You may learn some thing you might not know. I think you decide what kind of life you will make for yourself, and also for your children. Think big, you can do anything. It may be hard, but if it wasnt, then it probably wouldnt be worth doing. Work hard and Be a good parent. I mean honestly, Bad things happen to good people... move on and roll with it... Live your life, make it "Fabulous" for you and your children ;)
Good Luck!
2007-11-09 16:51:20 · answer #5 · answered by Jenn T 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If I were you, I would not take him back.
I'll tell you how social services is looking at your case. They see it as an issue of DV (domestic violence). They want to know that you are "protective" of your children. What that means is they are looking to see that you are doing all that you possibly can to keep your children safe. In this case that would mean keeping dad away from you and the kids.
It sounds to me that things are at the "investigation stage" which is good. You have a chance to follow through on the recommendations that the worker has given to you. Please do everything they are telling you to do. The moment you do not follow through and you let the father back into the house they will most likely EDO your kids (take them out of your home and into states custody).
Best of luck to you.
2007-11-13 11:44:35 · answer #6 · answered by A M 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first, is he your boyfriend or your husband?
You have to provide a safe, stable, non violent home for your children, or they can or will be taken away from you. My advice to you is to stay away from your boyfriend/husband of 8 years and focus on your children. He is messed up and cannot contribute anything positive to your relationship or be a responsible father figure to your sons.
To me, this is a "no brainer" My kids would come before any man :)
Make the decision....Who do you want more in your life, your "boyfriend" or your children ? These people do not mess around.
2007-11-09 15:45:36 · answer #7 · answered by Mom_of_3 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I want to share something with you and I hope you listen. I have adopted 7 foster children. ALL of them came from situations like yours. ALL of them were because mom wouldn't make the life changes necessary to keep them.
You have to stay away from him and get your life together. You are destroying your children. They will NEVER get over it if you don't become responsible and change your choices.
Do not let him come back. If you do, you will lose your children. And they will never understand why you chose a man over them. And it won't stop there. They will have behavioral problems, they will resent you, they will be so hurt that it practically destroys their life.
When you have children, as hard as this sounds, your life is then dedicated to THEIR happiness. You have to make sure they are happy, taken care of, safe, nutured, educated, fed, clothed. It's not about your happiness anymore. Yours comes when they are 18 and adults.
Please keep him out of your life, stay away from men, quit making babys and get responsible. You sound like you really want that and that you really want to save your family.
Otherwise, do your children a favor and adopt them to a family who can treat them better, love, nuture and provide them with what they deserve and need.
Good luck.
2007-11-09 23:56:52 · answer #8 · answered by oh_my_its_linda 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Heed the WARNING! Yes they can take your babies because you are not only protecting yourself, you are putting your children in jeopardy. I would welcome them in open arms as to what to do financially to GET AWAY! They will help with services available and WILL watch to make sure you are moving forward with helping you and the babies. This is a reality check for you...big time!
2007-11-09 15:49:43 · answer #9 · answered by nancie_usa 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your first priority should be to your children. You should do whatever it takes to protect them. Do you want them raised in an environment where they think that it's okay to beat your loved ones? Or condone drug use?
My suggestion is that you go to therapy, leave the loser, and do whatever it takes to become a good mother. Do not date anyone until your children are grown.
2007-11-09 15:45:05 · answer #10 · answered by justanotherone 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋