I feel like a monster....?

Question

I dated this guy in high school and have been together off and on since July *7 years * we have a beautiful 4 year old son .
This man has put me in so much pain and heart ache . He was in a totally different life style then I was he did drugs drank hung out with people who didn't have families etc . He * I believe cheated on me* He Hit me he always left me with our son home alone all the time *everyday* he would wake up and leave and go for the day to where ever he could get high and just be away from me . I got enough courage to go back to school and do something with my life and I told him he either starts working and helping with our son or he needed to go .He chose to leave a month later he got in a horrible car accident that left him in a coma and now with brain injuries which killed me to the unimaginable I tried everything I could to get to him *his family hates me cause I am white and I had a child out of wedlock * which is another reason I left cause I wanted to be loved not

hated and so anyways when I finally got to see him in the hospital 6 months after the accident I rushed back to him thinking this changed his life we got engaged and all was good until he was released from the hospital at 10 months he moved in with our son and I and it was ok for the first week or 2 then he started which seemed to me taking over trying to play the role he never played and it was hard for me to accept and our son . It was like a stranger coming in and taking my job over when I have been raising our son on my own for 4 years then come in and starting to disiplin and making me feel like a crappy parent he always critisized on my parenting when I do my best every day .anyways I got him to move out it was not healthy for our son or us to be arguing every day so I did what I thought was right I put him in a group home where he could get the care he needed for his brain injury and his other needs . I had so much resentment towards him like why did he have to be in the car

Accident why did he leave me back then .... and how could he hurt me the way he did and anyways got to the point where I couldnt stand him . I do love him as a person and as the father of my son but I can not be with him no more I have too much pain ... He is in total love with me and I feel bad cause I just cant be bothered with him any more . I have moved on to a new man *who treats me with respect and does everything he can to please me and my needs he is understanding he is patient etc. I have a new career now and still going to school along with raising our son the best way I know how . I feel like a monster cause every time we talk *my ex and I * I am constanlty reminded of how much he misses us and loves us .. and yet I dont feel the same . I find it hard for me to see him to bring my son to him I am always making up excuses so I dont have to see him ... *he is unable to have him alone still * so I wait til my son says to me that he wants to see his daddy then I bring him to

to him . anyways I just feel like I owe him some thing and yet I try to be his friend I try to be civilized but yet there is so much pain and as you will hate for what he has done to me in the past .. he has realized you know what he has done to me and wants to make up for it but I can not even be bothered I just think we have grown apart but its like he doesn't seem to get it . he is lonely now cause his parents disowned him cause he chose to come live with me when he left the hospital . *he has his own apartment now* but anyways every thing feels like its my fault and I wish there was some thing i could do to help him . cause it seems I cant even be his friend with out be reminded how much he cares it is making me sick of him in a way its making me not wanna see him ... I just wish for some advice and maybe some insight on what we can do .....
* He will see this he is on my list .so any advice to both will be greatly appericiated .. Thank you and God bless

Answer 1

Karma.

Answer 2

People who have been in "comas" have brain damage. There is a part or section (can be small) that doesn't work. He may think he is fine, but you see differently. No matter what you say, he will not agree, can't comprehend (that part is damaged). I'm not sure what you're asking, I'll assume you don't like this "new person who is making you doubt yourself". You are not a monster, if you don't love him, move on in a friendly manner respecting him for the sake of your/his child. Only talk about him to your family, not his. You want to keep the "peace" and bow out of his life graciously. He was lost long before the accident. Take care.

Answer 3

Hi Hon...

The turn of events your boyfriend's life took is NOT your fault in any way, shape or form... HE made his choices -- to abandon you and your son, to do drugs and was he high when he had the auto accident?

Addicts are very self-destructive people and they leave a path of damage everywhere they go... addiction is painful for those who have to watch and put up with the behaviors of the drug user.

Please stop beating yourself up! I see you TRIED to make something work, even after all he put you through before the car accident... not many people would have given him a second chance.

And, if he has a brain injury and needs special care, then he's probably in the best place -- the group home.

You can still take your son to visit him, and you can ,too, HOWEVER, i hope you will take sufficient time to grieve over this situation, heal YOURSELF and then move forward with life. YOu deserve a good life, and have done nothing to deserve punishment. So, please stop punishing yourself...

If you can't get past this, please consider therapy. Therapy does work when we put forth effort and work the program...

take care.

Answer 4

Not so much a question as it was a statement from a person overcomming adversity.

GOOD FOR YOU sweetie!

Look after your son (#1) and also look after yourself (a close 2nd). Your man is suffering the consequences of HIS BAD choices, and none of that is your fault.

So don't let his family guilt you into believing otherwise.

A Monster????
I think not!
More like a very strong person who know how to set healthy boundaries. :-)

Answer 5

i'm not really sure what your question is, but it sounds likeyou did the right thing. He was not willing to own up to his responsibilities and you needed to do what was right for you and especially what was right for your son. If he chose the drugs and irresponsibility over his family then he doesn't deserve you guys!

Answer 6

it was him that was not right.