I am not going to survive this time.Will I ever be ok.?

Question

I cant live like this anymore.I have fallen into a deep deep dark hole and i'm afraid that I will not get out of this darkness alive.I cannot bear to live like this anymore.There is no happiness in my life.It even hurts to smile.This sadness has become excruciating and unbearable.All I do is lay in bed all day.All my tears are gone.I cried them all away.I dont even bathe or brush my teeth some days.The only time I feel any relief from this misery is when I am asleep.Every night before I fall asleep I hope that I will wake up happy...but when I wake up all that I feel is this dark cloud over me.Prayer does not work anymore.What did I do to God to make him ignore me? I have given up asking him for his help.I dont want to talk to him anymore.I am only twenty eight years old and I feel that my life is just about over.I just cant take the pain anymore.

Answer 1

I too feel this way many days, and that is even with taking a moderate to high dose of a rather effective and strong antidepressant (no, not Prozac lol). I have arthritis in my neck and the bone spurs that form are driving their way into my spinal cord. They cannot do anymore surgeries as they have gone in the front and the back to try to repair it and the sides of the neck just have way too many arteries, veins, etc. to be messing with. So, I guess I am a time bomb. Yes, this does mean that eventually, one of those bone spurs will pierce my spinal cord (imagine a cut or frayed electrical cord). What then, wheelchair? Dunno. Most days I don't really care. Not in a bad way, because my neck/spine actually is what brought me to God. If He took it away, I think/am afraid that I might forsake Him and go on doing my own thing again. I was unstoppable when I had no pain. I could do many sports, took martial arts (several kinds) for about 6 years, was a pretty good drummer, almost olympic material in gymnastics when I was a kid. That is a few. Nearly everything I touched I mastered or at the very least was very good. Lost 2 businesses: one doing Home Health Care...I loved it! I just love helping people and caring for them. I almost dropped a patient and decided my pain was too bad for this type of work anymore. So, I built, sold, and fixed computers for a few years. Now, it is rare when I can spend more than an hour on it due to pain. I am on a narcotic medication (called fentanyl) at a dose that is equivalent to over 200 mg of Morphine a day. For perspective, 10 will usually take away most pain for most patients. I hate the stuff. But there is just too much pain to handle without it.
I understand about not wanting to talk to or even THINK about God anymore 'cause you're so p/o'd at Him. But you need to understand that God is trying to tell you something. When you pray, do a select few thoughts enter your mind and distract you? If so, that is what is wrong that God wants you to resolve. Not talking to Him does not help so you might as well at least ask. I got turned down for disability 4 times. It took almost 5 1/2 years for it to be approved finally and a check for $19, 500 arrived in the mail one day. I owed most of it to my landlady, but she was nice enough to let me stay for a couple of years while I could not pay rent. So I was glad to pay her back. I have yelled at God, cursed Him, told Him to go F Himself, (yikes!! Now that I think about it), and tossed and turned in bed all night while occasionally screaming, "Answer me!!!" I have been in so much pain that not only did I beg and plead for death, I demanded it.
I think you need to get on an antidepressant for a while. They do help most of the time.

Answer 2

Your user name is interesting, considering your story. If you knew true love, the pain would take a back seat. Consider that whenever God sees you, He knows these 3 words to be very true.

David knew of such pain. The Psalms is full of his downer times. Yet, even as down as he was, he acknowledged the greatness of God.

Can God pull you out? Yes. Are you willing to let Him, no matter how He chooses to pull you out? ("Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6) Are you willing to take all the time needed, going through step by step as the Lord brings you through? What I am saying is that He may bring you through a process, rather than just "yank" you out.

At 28, are you married? Have you recently had a child? I know this sounds like, "here we go with the hormone thing again", but, I merely ask. No offense. If this is so, consider the idea of PPD and your doctor may be able to help you, or just ride it out and in a few months you will rise out of it (my wife had this problem twice after miscarriages). Or, are you on the pill - also messes with hormones which mess with the brain.

Just some considerations, that's all.

Answer 3

first of all, do not give up- I know this sounds so trite when you are going though tough times, however, I can say that God has not left you alone- even though it may seem that way right now. I have a chronic pain disease, and some days it depresses me terribly, and I start to think that God is ignoring me or does not care, that is why He has not healed me- then I changed my prayers- I asked Him to teach me whatever He has to through the pain, and when I did that - he began to present himself in my pain. One thing I would suggest is to talk to a pastor or a counselor. God loves you, even though you may not think so at the moment. Email me if you want to talk more.

Answer 4

I am so sorry you are hurting sweetie.

Please see a doctor. There are anti-depressants that will help you.

God did not let you down. He does not get involved with us here. Our life is ours and we should use our life to leave something positive on this planet when our body dies.

Please ignore all the bible nonsense. That is a hate filled fictional book that is not worth the paper it is written on. Love God and know that He is not that evil biblical monster.

The bible is the root of ignorance and hate. That is all it is.

Please try to think of what your life can become in the future. You are worth so much. Please don't let any ignorant fundies tell you any different. You are a wonderful person who deserves love.

Answer 5

Hi there. I used to work at a crisis counseling center. There is almost certainly one near you, only a phonecall away, where real live people can talk to you about what you are feeling. They care and are more than willing to help you.

Look in your phone book under crisis centers or suicide hotline. Alternately, call your local hospital and ask them to give you the number of a "24-hour crisis center hotline" in your area.

Hang in there and make the call. It helps to talk to someone about these things and you don't need to be suicidal to talk to them. They care and want to help people who are having a tough time.

Best wishes to you, and I hope to see you on here another day after you make the call.

Answer 6

Hon, you have depression and need to get help immediately. Check yourself into the hospital until the doctors can get you on some medication that will help you and you feel safe with yourself. God is not ignoring you...he's screaming at you to get some help. Pack a bag now and go. You can be helped. I know, because I was. Email me if you need more details...

Answer 7

Depression can be very serious. You need to seek medical help. God also made Doctors... 28 is too early to give up on life.

Answer 8

Please, go and see a doctor. Right now. You don't need to be miserable one more day. Don't think about death, think of ways you can start to live. LIVE. Don't think about what makes you sad. Try to remember times when you were happy. It is possible to make your next 28 years amazing and fun, and happy. It can be done. Cheers.

Answer 9

Footprints in the Sand



One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,
“You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most, you have not been there for me?”

The Lord replied,
“The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand,
is when I carried you.”


Mary Stevenson

Answer 10

Depression is easily treated. There are prescription medications and there are natural treatments at the health food store. I believe it's St. John's Wort. It works, but it has to get in your system before it begins to work. You don't have to live this way. There is help. You just have to make the effort to get it.