I am an American man who was a pen-pal with a Filipina for over two months. We e-mailed each other more than 35 times apiece. We talked on the phone and text-messaged each other. We had many differences such as race, religion, and language. It didn't matter because we were in love. We planned to get married in a few months.
Suddenly I stopped loving her. It came on all of a sudden. I realized that it would take lots of time, money and effort to marry her. I would also have to change my lifestyle. I realized I didn't love her that much. I really hurt her. She never saw it coming. Maybe I spared us worse pain in the future. Am I a bad person?
2007-11-09 12:39:46 · 32 answers · asked by David B 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Not bad but something tells me you are afraid of commitment. You chose a safe way to have a relationship with this woman but when it became too "real" you bailed.
Take a long look in the mirror my friend. What are you afraid of?
2007-11-09 12:43:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
It's kind of sad, but sounds like a normal infatuation. We all get them. We think the world of the person during that magical time. Two months sounds OK, it might have lasted a little longer if you had contact. Unfortunately in this age, people in the infatuation stage screw up their perspective by consummating the relationship before real love begins. It sounds perfectly human, normal, and healthy. Too bad you made promises, but that's pretty normal too, just a learning experience. It's nice that you wish you had thought better.
For her, this is also normal and human and healthy. Maybe this experience with you will save her in the future from a REAL creep. She's a person and not made of glass. We all get dumped and we all dump.
A big concern would be if she spent an exorbidant amount of money to keep up this "dating" in the hopes it would pan out. It would still be OK, but be careful about that in future long distance relationships.
2007-11-09 12:55:44 · answer #2 · answered by chuckyoufarley 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You never loved her in the first place, cause when you love someone those things don' t matter.
You are more into yourself and your happiness and that is ok depending on where you are in life.
I do not think that makes you a creep but before you let a girl think you are head over heals for her again, use the head God gave you so you don't hurt someone again like that. It can be life changing when you get your heart broke like that.
I think you did the both of you a favor and thank goodness you realized now and not 10 yrs later when you resented her and/or your lifestyle.
2007-11-09 12:44:48 · answer #3 · answered by Angel girl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No I just think you should have seen the obstacles in the relationship in the first place. Maybe you jumped in too quickly. I am so sorry things did not work out but you are not a BAD person. Think things more clearly next time when it comes to issues involving peoples feelings other than your own. It could save you a lot of trouble in the future. Often times when we are emotional our thinking is cut off. Step back from how you feel and analyze the situation. It should help. But no, you are not a BAD person.
Child of Eden
2007-11-09 12:47:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You never loved her in the first place. If you really love someone, you will do whatever you can to be with that person. Which basically means that your entire first paragraph is bs and isn't true. I don't think you can fall in love if you've not met a person but that's me.
I don't think you're a bad person, just didn't think it through. But what I think doesn't matter- I'm not the one you hurt. Yeah, what you did to her was kinda creepy but you can't change it either. It's not like you should marry her just to prevent hurting her feelings. People get broken hearts everyday. It happens.
Next time, make sure what you're feeling is real before you jump.
2007-11-09 12:45:33 · answer #5 · answered by P&Rsmommy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You fell for someone from words - distance - and perhaps you were shocked really to find someone fell for you the same way. How exciting it was while it was happening, just like opening a present, the contents of a package that's holds the unknown - but once opened, wrapping is tossed, gift set aside until needed, and you move on from there. You than thought it out and found that this so called relationship really wasn't one. I commend you on that because you could have just continued and kept her on but depending on the way you broke it off, I think you did the right thing. How do you really know she is hurt? She may be talking with someone else right now. A lesson learned.
2007-11-09 12:55:23 · answer #6 · answered by waterfall53 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well perhaps things wouldn't have gotten to that point had you realized your true feelings sooner. And seriously...you planned on marrying and spending the rest of your life with someone after exchanging 35 e-mails??? Anyway, that is not for me to judge and I guess in my opinion you stopped something that most likely would have never worked out. Of course it is going to hurt, probably more so for her than for yourself because you are the one that came to this decision. However, it was going to end sometime at least it didn't go any further.
2007-11-09 12:45:55 · answer #7 · answered by Noneur B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, have you met her face to face yet? She could be fake anyway. She could even be a he that has a friend talk on the phone to you. You knew each other for two months. That's nowhere near long enough to know someone very well. It's awesome that you told her straight up right now rather than waiting and making it worse. You seem like a good guy to be honest like that. :) I agree with you. I honestly believe you spared your feelings for the future. Hats off to you! Good luck!
2007-11-09 12:54:39 · answer #8 · answered by Carrie W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not a bad person I would say. You just like you said realized all that it would take to work. If you would have loved her deeply then all of those things would have been nothing more than an obstacle to overcome. But, you let her go and yes saved everyone from alot of pain. Of course it hurts her now but, she will thank you later. You have just made her available to meet the man of her dreams.
2007-11-09 12:49:39 · answer #9 · answered by lovely 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey dude you are not a bad person I deal with alot of Fiflipina girls here in Korea they come here just so they can find American guys to marry them to get to the states and when they find some one with more money they leave them for that guy. Plus you do not just marry her you marry the family and you have to support them in most cases I am not saying that every single one is like that but 90% of them are they know what to say and do to get you hooked I have plenty of soldiers that can back up what I am saying. I have one that got married to the girl and found out a year later that she was already married with 3 kids and couldn't have more. So do not just so with anything from another country till you go there and meet then in person do not marry any one from the internet till you get to know them in person for that fact.
2007-11-09 13:59:41 · answer #10 · answered by mike k 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's natural to feel guilty about something like that. It's better now so you won't complicate things in the future with children and everything. You r not a creep, but make sure you are not doing this to all your relationships or else you may need to realize you have issues with committment. Other than that, just move on, and she will one day too.
2007-11-09 12:46:17 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋