Can the death of a sibling when your young..affect you when your older?

Question

my sister died when I was 4
suddenly
i have become heaps sad and think about it alot....although it is 13 years later.....
could this be me griving..which i couldnt do when i was 4?

wow, thanks heaps to you all
i wasn't thinking so many people would be able to answer. but all these answers are very thoughtful and helpful. so thanks i really appreciate it :)

Answer 1

Yes. Find someone you can talk to.

Something that happens "later" for surviving siblings sometimes is known as "survivor's guilt." When my elder son was 13 or 14, his friend was depressed and borderline suicidal. My son told me, I told the mom, the mom got the boy to a doctor. It turns out that the friend's brother died when the brother was 4, the friend was about 2. Then when the friend was three, a year after his brother's death, he had a life threatening illness but he survived.

When he got to be a teen, he felt as if he should not ever make mistakes, he should be more handsome like his brother who had passed, he should be smarter, more talented, etc, and he felt like he didn't measure up. When his mother told him she was so grateful he got well, the friend was feeling guilty that she missed the brother.

The friend went through grief counseling, and the family (Dad, Mom, and friend) also had a few sessions about communications. They were all well when we moved. I haven't heard from the Mom in a couple of years.

Do seek out help if you feel sad. Whether it is grief or just being 17, it is not a burden you have to bear in silence.

good luck

Answer 2

My best friend died suddenly when I was 10... I know it is not my sister, but it was a very traumatic event that I was still coping with 10-15 years later. I tried to be strong by my choice at the time and did my best to not let it get to me. However, I was 10... a bit older than you at the time and could react more clearly than if I was only 4. Now that you are older, you are beginning to realize what this sort of loss really means. You will feel a little sad when remembering your sister's loss. It hurts to think of what she will be missing and the things you to won't be able to share.

When it starts to get you down, just try and remember some happy memories of her or take out a photo album and spend some time going through them. Better yet, sit down with your parents and perhaps they would be happy to share some of their own fond memories of her with you that you might not know about since you were so young. It helps to have family to support you. I wish you all the best!

Answer 3

I'm very sorry to hear of your loss, but I strongly believe that the death of a family member when your a kid affects you when your older. Sometimes it depends not everyone responses the same way. Since you didn't confront it when you were younger or maybe didn't fully comprehend the situation as a child it can come back to haunt you later on in life. This just your way of dealing with it. Sometimes the slightest traumatic things that happens to a child can badly affect you later on as an adult.

It's a good thing that you realize this now and not later because Sometimes people act out in a negative way that can harm themselves and not realize it. But since you have an idea of whats triggering your emotions its best to confront it before its to late and get help(if necessary).

Answer 4

Yes it can be.....I lost a child almost 40 years ago I think of her every day....I still think of how I felt when the nurse took her from my arms Melissa only lived several hours...they let me hold her. This is a repressed grief you have held in for years..go ahead and grive don't feel guilty you need to do this to place your sister in a new place in your heart.......prayers for you

Answer 5

depends on how you let it contribute to your life. Live and learn or don't. My brother and sister were 10 and 11 whe their older brother died. both are 30 now and VERY sucessful. PHD, masters, MD, married, and traveling world wide. You remember more at 10 and 11 than at 4. Take some psychology classes on child development and that might give you some major insight.No worries, you'll be fine

Answer 6

Quite Possibly. When my mother passed away. I had so many people that relied on me and i just got on with things until 2 years later. It all came back to me and I was a mess.
I had to consciously focus on all the good times and speak about her to my children, sister, anyone really and that is what made it easier. Allow yourself to Grieve, and all the emotions that come with it. letting them out allows you to move forward without all the deep pain. Then you will remember her in a different light, celebrating all the good times. Take care :-)

Answer 7

Leela... this is not putting you down, not at ALL.
OF COURSE, this is expected. You did not understand when you were four, and now you are of an age to know the significance. Grief is a form of closure... and along with acknowledging it as such, it gives you the chance to find more mature acceptance.
edit..
I almost always play in genealogy (tracing your family). After years of research, it helps me since death is normal part of family history, and perspective. Your sister isn't an ancestor..but finding your history, and including a record of her, is one way you can honor her and keep her memory as a positive part of your life.

Answer 8

Yes, especially if you are continually thinking about your siblings death. Ask yourself how is this working for you--the grieving and sadness you are feeling; how does it help you?. Or are you going through some other issues and you are reflecting on your sibling's death to hide the difficulties you are going through--like having an excuse to feel sad. Look deep within yourself and see any problems you might have and talk to someone you trust about what you are going through.

Answer 9

yes it is griving u couldn't do when u were 4.... i lost my sis 2 but she had died b4 i was born, and yes i grived when i finally understood. it's really hard 4 me 2 type right now thinking about it...

sorry if i didn't help

Answer 10

There is no set time limit for grief. My nephew died when he was 13 and im still just as devasted today as i was back then. On saying that my mom passed away on tuesday and i havent even cried. Everybody deals with grief in their own way. It doesnt matter that you are only now grieving for your sister...its completely natural and dont let anyone tell you otherwise.
My thoughts are with you.