One of my bridesmaids has been very difficult the entire engagement period. She has not once expressed her happiness towards the fact that one of her best friends (myself) is getting married. It is VERY apparent that she is jealous that she is not yet engaged and her jealousy is coming across as extremely demeaning towards me. She has belittled every aspect of our wedding. Every time I get excited about the cake, limo, DJ, etc. she let's me know that her taste is completely different and that what I'm doing is totally not suitable for her wedding. I don't mind opinions but she is telling me that everything I'm doing wouldn't be good enough for her. Also, she talks about her wedding (which is non-existent right now because she is not engaged) more than I do! She has no interest in talking about mine, it's all about her her her. Call me selfish but I mean c'mon, can't we worry about the close approaching wedding first? What do I do?!?!?
2007-11-09 11:40:45 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Have you sat down and talked to her about how her behavior is unacceptable? If not that is definitely what you need to do. I would let her know that just because you are getting married doesn't mean you are any less her friend and as her friend if she were the one planning her wedding you would be supportive and helpful. Explain to her that what she is doing hurts your feelings and doesn't make you feel like she supports or respects you. Give her examples like " when you said __ it really made me feel ___".
Tell her what you told us that you dont' mind opinions and help but that she needs to respect your decisions.
Let her know that if she really doesn't want to be a bridesmaid that is is OK but the behavior has to stop or you will have to ask her to step down.
Good luck, I know it's hard when a friend acts like this but it does seem like she is jealous and maybe feeling hurt and unfortunatly it comes out in poor behavior rather than discussing her feelings with you.
2007-11-09 11:53:41 · answer #1 · answered by Reba 6 · 4⤊ 1⤋
This chic is not your friend. No matter how jealous she may be a real friend would never try to steal your lime light. I was the first of my friends to get married. They were the best bridesmaids ever. A week after my wedding my bestfriend told me that she was jealous during the wedding process but didn't know how to cope with it because it was so in her face. But I must say she never let it show. She was there for me and patient when I turned into Bridezilla!........You need to give your so called friend a reality check. If she can't be supportive through one of the most important events of your life then she needs to get to stepping. Tell her that you don't appreciate her comments and would rather she keep them to herself. A real friend would never treat you like that. My two bestfriends understood that it was all about me. You need to cut your loss with this chic and get on with the happenings and happiness!.......tell her to shut it and at least pretend to be happy until you can rough her up after the wedding!.....lol
2007-11-09 12:05:04 · answer #2 · answered by redladee2001 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you really care about her as a friend, talk to her. It is possible that she has no clue as to how nasty she is being. However, if after the talk she doesn't change her ways, get a new bridesmaid-and FAST. Because if she acting this nasty NOW, she is going to be even WORSE when your special day arrives. You don't want a wedding album full of pictures of you glaring at her with daggers in your eyes do you? God only knows what kind of speech she would give at the wedding reception! :-(
2007-11-10 14:00:58 · answer #3 · answered by True Hija De Oshun! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Taking the benefit of the doubt, maybe she is really hurting right now, although there really is no excuse for her behaviour. Did she just have a recent breakup? Has she always had a problem with men? What is the root of her jealousy?
I suggest you talk to her and ask what's up. Take her out for lunch, and get to the bottom of it before you do anything drastic.
Have you become wedding obessed? Has your friendship suffered? Do you only call her to gush about your latest wedding question now? Does she have major important issues (job loss, money matters, etc.) going on right now?
If you think she simply cannot handle the wedding, then gently give her the option to bow out without hard feelings. But you need to ask some hard questions first.
2007-11-09 12:02:48 · answer #4 · answered by reginachick22 6 · 4⤊ 1⤋
I would simply tell her that you have thought about it and you feel that you are just not good enough for her, therefore, you think it's best that she not be part of the wedding. Tell her that you were expecting her support during your engagement and you have yet to receive it. Remember that your bridal party is supposed to be there for support, not to put you down. She should never make any negative comment about your ideas - period. Don't regret keeping her in the wedding later on in life.
2007-11-09 13:12:07 · answer #5 · answered by Paula Christine 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No offense but why would she have an interest in talking about your DJ, cake, limo etc. It sounds like it's all about you, you, you! She's your friend and I'm sure she's happy for you but you are not the first person to get married and you aren't the only thing going on in her life right now. If you know she is jealous then feel sorry for the fact that she hasn't found the love of her live and STOP talking about it!
2007-11-09 13:22:36 · answer #6 · answered by Luv2Answer 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Your friend is suppose to be there for you and supporting you, thats why you asked her right? well if shes not then whats the point of having her in the wedding? Tell her you dont need her negative feedback. Opionions are great but not when they are always negative. This is YOUR big day not hers, dont let her bring you down. Just tell her how you really feel, maybe she will have a change in attitude. If not give her the boot. You dont want to remember your big day and how she ruined it.
2007-11-09 11:52:26 · answer #7 · answered by ♥Angie♥ 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Before you boot her, sit her down and say to her. I understand that we have very different tastes, but I asked you to be a bridesmaid to help me with MY wedding, and be supportive for me. You are not really doing that for me and you tell me all of my ideas are not good enough. If you would like to step down from being a bridesmaid , go ahead, because I need someone who is going to support me" Then if she doesn't change, boot her, It's very obvious she is jealous of you and your wedding. Maybe if you bring it to her attention subtly she will change her ways
2007-11-09 17:31:53 · answer #8 · answered by sden2616 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
BOOT THE *****,I had a difficult time with mine,coming from experience,I did not boot mine,but what I did,was:went over her head with EVERYTHING,I talked to my other brides maids,and left her out of the loop,and when she gets jealous that your not involving her,tell her the truth when she asks,she may even take her self out of the wedding!so you don't have too worry
Remember,this is YOU AND YOUR HUSBANDS TO BE DAY,you should not let her negativity have an impression on your day,also HAVE A BACK UP BRIDES MAID,just in case she relinquishes her position good luck
Rosie
2007-11-09 12:12:52 · answer #9 · answered by lilmiffedmuffet 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Yea I would just let her know how you feel about all of this and tell her if she doesn't quit with what she is doing then just say I'm sorry but this is not gonna work out with you being in my wedding and explain to her why. If she doesn't understand then obviously she is not a good friend.
2007-11-09 12:46:43 · answer #10 · answered by BlahBlahBlah 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋