My best friend is calling me cheap...but am I really the cheap one or is she?

Question

I love my best friend, I truly do. But some of the things she does really bother me. She doesn't get along with her family too well so I'm always letting her stay at my house when she becomes upset. I invite her for dinner all of the time because she never has any food at her house. I would never turn anybody down for a meal and my mother, being 100% Italian, cooks to feed an army. However, I feel that sometimes the hospitality is not reciprocated.

Whenever we go out for meals at a restaurant, I'm always the one who winds up paying more...and she's the one with the full time, high paying job. I have yet to graduate college and have a below minimum wage job at a department store. She also never says thank you to my family for her meals and says that she doesn't have to say thank you to me because "I'm not the one paying for the food." But I'm the one who allows her to come over for her meals, so shouldn't I get at least a little bit of a thank you?

The most recent incident was her calling me cheap because I did not want to spend over 30 dollars both ways on a Christmas gift. Like I said, I don't make much and she does. I don't NEED an expesive gift. If it comes from the heart, I'm happy.

When I told her today that I got her gift, she goes "oh what did you spend, five dollars?" It really hurt my feelings.

Also, whenever I eat over her house, we get bitched at for eating her food. But my family feeds her ALL the time. Her family is loaded but is so cheap with food that whenever I have a meal there (which is few and far between), I feel like I'm doing something wrong.

Thanks for the advice, but my best friend is also a very wonderful person. I love her dearly and would do anything for her and vice versa. It's just that this food thing is really botheting me!!

Answer 1

You, your mom and family are loving generous people, and your home is attractive because you give from the heart and are kind. What beauty and blessings you have.

She gets upset, never has food at her home, you wind up paying, and she has high paying job.......

You are the positive and she is negative--and opposites attract. I have a good feeling her home life is not stable, never taught to be kind, to say thank you or give a kind gift to you and your family in kind gesture for all you have done. I believe that says it all.

Please find like minded friends who are kind, caring, respectful or who will meet you half way. She is grabbing all she can get when in fact she needs love and attention, not material goods.

Answer 2

I'm going to have to disagree with a few people. I don't think you're friend is a bad friend just because her manners need improving (although they most certainly do). I'm sure she has a lot of great qualities, that's why she's your best friend. We're not perfect and each and every one of us have faults that drive other people insane.

Tell her that it would be nice if she'd tell your parents thank you and that not saying it is very rude. She's your best friend, so I hope you can talk plainly to her.

As for always paying more, tell her what you just told us. Tell Her: "You make more money than I do and you know I'm still in school so I just don't have the money to spend on both of us. But, I'd love to be able to split things evenly, that way we can both afford to go out more with each other." Or if you guys are the humorous type say "man, paying for all these meals and things is going to drive me to the poorhouse, we've gotta start splitting things up."

Good Luck and remember, she's only human.

Answer 3

This is just a one-way friendship and believe me you need to talk to her seriously about your perceptions of what is happening re reciprocating etc. and I understand just where you are coming from and it sounds to me that she is a stronger personality than you. If you eat out again at a Restaurant pretend to forget your purse and see what happens. No maybe don't do that - why should you play games?? An honest open talk with her please and just don't put money out any more in those ways you describe. You are not put on earth to keep her happy re these matters. Put your foot down right now and stop inviting her to your home and the fact that she is not saying Thank You is awfully bad manners and next time she hints to come for a meal say No that doesn't suit my family today we are doing this and that together....whatever. Maybe stop having meals in restaurants with her. Maybe just meet up for coffee at a cafe and pay for your own coffee not hers??? If she is a true friend surely you can talk about the income differences with her.

Answer 4

She's a hard person. To deal with her, you need to be hard. If she insults your gift, insult her right back. She's a tough girl, she can take it. The only reason she's walking all over you is because you let her. Go ahead and keep having her over, don't take her not saying thank you too much to heart, it's just the way she is. If she whines about your gift not costing that much, tell her you're broke and then make fun of her for being a mooch. Some good natured insults will probably make her happy anyway. You said her home life is hard, she operates at a certain level of hardness. If you match it good-naturedly, she'll identify and be happy with it. I work with self procaimed 'hardcore' people all day long and it works like a charm.

Answer 5

I know that you love your friend but sometimes they aren't thankful for what they get. Try to understand her and talk to her. Tell her to say thank you for the food because some people only eat 1-3 meals a year. Tell her that you love her and care for her but that you're not rich and can be paying her everything.
You aren't the cheap one, she is. Acting like that is rude but some people just don't get the same type of education.
Hope this helps! : )

Answer 6

WHY is this person your best friend?

Are you a masochist or something and like being put upon and taken advantage of?

Why don't take a little vacation from this friend for a few weeks. See if your life goes to crap or actually improves. Who knows, you may meet someone who actually CAN say thank you and invite you over for dinner without acting like you are stealing their food. And it may give your friend time to realize what a good deal she had.

Answer 7

Best friends sometimes are bullies. I had one for over 10 years, and it took us no longer being roomates and me having a baby to realize she was a bully. A really nice person in so many ways, but so inconsiderate in other ways, and you do not deserve to EVER be treated like that. you wouldn't allow a boyfirend to do that, right? your folks?> a stranger on the street? your best friend is not by definition, the best. Sorry. You need to say, "i love ya, love being your friend, but you're drawing a line in the sand when it comes to the whole cheap comments. Let's be honest, when you dont' say thank you to me or my family for feeding you, that's low class. when you tease me for not spending money when you KNOW i'm on a tighter budget, that's belittling,and when you're mad at your family, i'm more than happy to help you talk it out and listen to you ***** about them, but when you treat me the way you WANT to treat them? That's displacing your anger onto the ONE person you really can't afford to not be friends with. " and let her react and be mad and stand your ground. In the long run she will respect you for it. and by liong run, I mean when SHE grows up and stops being a bully.

Answer 8

Be thankful that you have a loving, giving home. Apparently she does't know better because she was never taught manners. Regarding the remark about you being cheap...just tell her you'd like it to be more but right now you can't do it. It's up to you if this friends " friendship " is worth keeping.

Answer 9

This is no friend she is a leech who does not even have the grace to be thankful or polite. You need to drop her fast. stop asking her over do not go out with her If you go to eat with her ask for seperat checks up front and then pay for yours and let her pay for her own. Stop putting yourself out for this greedy grubber. She is not a friend and you deserve better. Forget whatever she says she is trying to guilt you and manipulate you into continuing to basically support her. Stop the madness and get rid of this toxic so called friend. You do not need her at all.

Answer 10

Your friend has MONEY issues. But you have one too--how can your employer get away with paying you BELOW MINIMUM at the department store where you work ? Bring this to the attention of the Labor Board.