Been married for 3 yrs and this is getting worse. If i do anything for for husband regarding "thier" son she has a fit. For example I made a copy of school phone # for my husband to have that was in his sons school folder. When his ex found this out she had a fit and told his son to tell me NOT to touch anything in the folder and SHE would do all the coping for my husband. She was even pissed off when my husband called the school to get a copy of his sons report card. She was pissed because she wants him to get it from her not the school. Now my husband has joint custody and its not like his ex does not want him to have this info she just wants all the info he gets to come from her. Why is this? It would make it easier for her if we just took care of it. Why does she insist on being the "control center"
2007-11-09 09:58:11 · 9 answers · asked by deb r 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
they have been divorced for 6 yrs but she still has not found anyone yet.
2007-11-09 09:58:51 · update #1
hon please..... she cant control anything in her life and she couldnt control her marriage, nor her divorce. and now she is still trying to control your husband through the child. she dosent realize apparently the ill effects this will have on the child in the long run. This child might wind up being a poor stressed out little kid because of his mothers actions. She has no right to involve the child in her drama. if she has something to say, by rights, take it up with the Ex hubby.... She is going to hurt this kid emotionally!
2007-11-09 10:07:40 · answer #1 · answered by Miss Rhonda 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
"they have been divorced for 6 yrs but she still has not found anyone yet" And YOUR point for bringing this up? Maybe she doesn't WANT to find anyone. Maybe She's a bit smarter than her ex than to get into a relationship so soon after her divorce. So she wants control over what goes on with HER son...why would that bother you so much? Are you perhaps jealous that she has a son by your husband?
2007-11-10 18:38:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people, especially ones who have not moved forward feel threatened when someone else comes in and in their mind takes over. In all reality it sounds like you are just trying to do right by your step son. As well you and his father should. Even if she moves on and meets someone new chances are she might not change so don't waist your energy hopeing. She might see that even though it has been six years that their son is her only link to her ex husband, thus having the need to have him and not you get the information from her. It's another way of holding on. Keep doing what your doing and going through the school, try to be positive with your stepson in every aspect of his mother. If she's this controling she could be filling his head with how your trying to relace her. And in her world you just might be, another reason for her to try to keep control of the situation.
But if you intend on being married to this man and being a step mother to this son, the best thing you can do is stay in a proactive stance and do what you can to maintain a positive roll in the sons eyes. His mother will most likely always be this way and you as the step mother will always be in a hard position. Be strong, talk with your husband and insist he collect things from the son or the school, there is no reason that he should have to go through her for information he can get himself, this will elimitate some of her control. The long term rewards of being a step mother are endless, and it's a daily struggle but a pstivie loving environment will do wonders for your marriage and your relationship with the son. As for the mother? Try not to let her control what you know she shouldn't. Good Luck!
2007-11-09 10:11:28 · answer #3 · answered by lady in black 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Control issues; the biggest red flag is she isn't with anyone else so all her time is being spent on seething about you and her ex. If she ever does start seeing someone else, this attitude will disappear. Just another ex witch with a "B" and not too much you can do about it without stooping to her level. Ignore her, you're in the driver's seat anyway, and do your best to minimize the emotional damage she may be causing her son. Your husband needs to put his foot down and control her a bit.
2007-11-09 10:37:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My sister is the same way. She doesn't want her ex's new wife involved with their son at all. In fact she finally scared her away to another state and now her son has no father at all. My ex husband (as well as his girlfriend) is VERY involved my kids school life. He also has joint custody and with that he is entitled to the same information at school as I am. My sister won't even put her ex's name as a contact on school documents (which is illegal) where as my ex's name is on the top with mine....Maybe she just doesn't like the fact that he was able to move on and she isn't. You are wonderful for being active in his life...keep it up!!
2007-11-13 09:36:09 · answer #5 · answered by Candice C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT THAT MAYBE YOU ARE A THREAT TO HER AND THAT ALSO MAYBE STILL IN LOVE WITH HER EX-HUSBAND. SHE WANTS THE CONTROL BECAUSE IT IS HER SON NOT YOURS AND MAYBE SHE IS AFRAID!! NOT ONLY HAS SHE LOST HER HUSBAND BUT MAYBE IS AFRAID OF LOOSING HER CHILD'S LOVE. IT IS HARD FOR A WOMAN TO EXCEPT ANOTHER WOMAN TO DO THE THINGS SHE IS USED TO BE DOING OR HAS BEEN DOING FOR HER SON WITH HER EX-HUSBAND WITH NO INTERFERENCE FROM YOU. YOU ARE THE A THREAT TO HER THAT SHE NEEDS TO ADJUST TO. BUT REMEMBER IT IS VERY POSSIBLE THAT SHE IS STILL IN LOVE WITH HIM AND IS NOW REALIZING THERE ISN'T A CHANCE ANYMORE. KNOW MATTER HOW LONG THEY HAVE BEEN DIVORCE YOU HAVE ONLY BEEN THER FOR 3 YEARS. AND BELIEVE THAT MAYBE NOT SAYING YOUR TRYING BUT YOU HAVE BECOME A THREAT TO HER FAMILY!!!
2007-11-09 10:48:46 · answer #6 · answered by krispix 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Its highly possible her issue is that she is afraid he is trying to build a custody case against her and in this case we moms get very very controlling.
2007-11-09 11:08:22 · answer #7 · answered by billie b 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she is afraid her child will stop treating her like his mom or forget...
maybe you should sit down and tell her you don't want to take her son away
2007-11-09 11:09:01 · answer #8 · answered by Georgiana 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
because she is till in love with him and this is a way to keep it happening with him
2007-11-09 16:40:16 · answer #9 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋