To Spank or Not To Spank?

Question

I was spanked when I was a child for punishment, what do you say.

I don't want to hear what some child psychologist said, I want to hear what you think.

Answer 1

I think spanking can be effective, but it depends on a few factors. The MOST important is that a child never be spanked out of anger. It should be used as a punishment, or reinforcement, but not as a reflex.

It also depends on the child. Some children don't respond to spanking. If it doesn't work I don't believe a parent should try and make it work. Also, it should not be the answer to everything. I believe it should be used sparingly. I believe that makes it more effective, and there are plenty of other ways to discipline.

Just as a side note I was really surprised and impressed that this "discussion" did not digress as I have seen others do.

Answer 2

A few well-placed, well-executed spankings before age five will save most people some major headaches and heartaches in the later years.

Judge your child's personality. If your child is very compliant and cries and is truly hurt when you just say a sharp word, you might never need to spank.

Spanking should only be given for either direct disobedience (never mistakes or misunderstandings), or for training a very small child something life saving.

The real power of a spanking is in the buildup. It is not in the physical pain, and often, physical pain is not necessary. Plenty of noise will do.

When your child has disobeyed you and is defiant and/or rude. You take them calmly by the hand or pick them up and carry them to a private place. Even though they are screaming, you just calmly explain that because they were deliberately disobedient, you have to spank them. Then you explain exactly what the disobedient act was (continuing to use a calm, soft voice - they will have to quiet down to hear you, and even if they don't your tone will make some kind of impression). Then you explain exactly how many spankings they are going to receive, and what your rationale is behind that (I always did one swat per year of age). You also explain that you wish you didn't have to spank them, but you must, because they are not allowed to disobey you. Then, you turn them over your knee and deliver the swats on the fanny and when it's over, you say. You can stay here until you are ready to apologize. When you are ready, call me, and I will come up here. If you choose to leave your room before you have apologized, I will be forced to spank you again. And you follow through.

A spanking should be a memorable event, not the only memory of childhood.

Sometimes other alternatives are better. I remember one family Christmas when our nephew was being very defiant with his parents. His father turned him over his knee right in front of all of us and proceeded to swat the child while the defiant little twirp screamed at the top of his lungs "It doesn't hurt! It doesn't hurt! It doesn't hurt!..."

When it was over, my husband took that boy out into the hallway, and I have no idea what he said, but they came back in two minutes later, the kid was weeping and apologizing to both of his parents! Obviously, the spanking wasn't what was important there.

Answer 3

Spanking can be very effective with some children in some age groups. Its much less effective as kids get older.

I had several spankings over my dad's knee in my jockey shorts when I was a child. I don't think I ever repeated the same offense again.

A parent should never spank with anything but their hand, but sometimes that will send the greatest message.

Answer 4

I think that spanking trains a child what not to do in a particular situation, when their trainer is there to witness their behavior.

I don't think that spanking teaches a child how & why to make good choices in their daily life.

I also think that, in every situation where a parent might choose to spank, they either should have been supervising their child more closely or that they should have taught their child, before they were put unsupervised into that situation, what was a good choice & what was a bad choice in a way that the child could understand.

Answer 5

Only when it comes to a situation that could cause injury or death, for the very young (crawling/walking to 3 years). The reasoning for this is that at that age, the ability to reason & remember verbal punishment is not developed, but pain is remembered readily. I will stress this again, use spanking at that age ONLY when the child is doing something that could cause injury or death. What you are doing is instilling an instinctive avoidance of those behaviors (like charging into a street)
After age 3 only for repeated and willful misbehavior. What they are doing at this stage is testing your limits & their boundries. Use whatever other methods you like, but every once in a while they will cross the line (or take a flying leap over it, in some cases) and at that point a good spanking will reinforce the point that they are not the boss. Again, spanking should be used sparingly, and as a last resort, but use it when needed. Once you child realizes that YOU set the boundries, and that you will back up those up with an appropriate punishment, they will give you very few reasons to have to spank
At this age they are old enough to understand rules, so set down the rules and why the rules are in place. Tell your child what the punishement is for breaking the rules & stick to it.
If & when they do beak the rules, talk with them first, ask them what rule they broke (they will know 7 times out of 9), and ask them what the punishment was going to be for breaking the rules (you'll be suprised how often they remember at this age)
Then give them their punishment.
After 8 years of age, the reason & logic capabilities are developed enough that reason & discussion, along with loss of priviledges & grounding is far more effective.
At any rate corperal punishment should be used sparingly, but often enough that they know you will use it when needed.
Some general guidelines:

When you say no, mean no. Do not make exceptions, reverse yourself, or let them wheedle, whine or tantrum you into changing your mind. If they do this sucessfully, it will teach them they can get what they want by behaving badly.

Whinning should lose them whatever they were whinning for. They'll soon learn that whinning does nothing for them & they will not do it.

Tantrums should be dealt with by sending them to a spot where they can be safely alone & won't disrupt/bother anyone else. then let them go until they wear themselves out. Never be afraid to leave a public space immediatley if they throw a tantrum. You can make this a punishable behavior (losing a favored toy for a day seemed to work for us) Let them know it is not okay to make a big public scene.

Always be aware of certain things about your child, how much activity they;ve had, if they're tired, hungry, overstimulated, bored, etc. These can all lead to misbehavior, so knowing their limits & when they are getting close will cut down on needless opportunities for being bad.

NEVER mete out a punishment if you are angry. Control your self first, then punish when you are calm and clear with your intentions.

Always remember to let your child know that your love for them is unconditional, even if their behavior has disappointed you and/or has necessitated some punishment

Remember that you are training these little gems to eventually join & become useful members of society, so punishments should be always be with an eye to instruct & teach & provide an opportunity to grow.

Whenever a misbehavior happens for the first time (like biting another child) give them a light verbal scolding, then talk with them to make a rule.

As they grow, sometimes the rules need to be amended, but amend the rules after a punishment is given. Do not amend instead of punish.

More strict discipline applied when the child is younger will often translate into less having to be applied when the child hits their tween to teen years.

Remember that you are the parent, therefore the boss, so never be afraid to assert your authority & act like it! Yes, it is okay to have as your only reason "Because I'm you mother/father & I say so"

Good Luck!

Answer 6

theres two types of spanked children
1.the passive type who never rebeled & did exactly what they were told rarely got in trouble but got spanked if they did these people copying their parents will think its the right thing and then spank their kids.
2.the rebel or assertive will get spanked when their kids and get really angry & disrespectfull when they grow up may become bully's..most lost trust and respect in their parent and have a shallow or difficult relationship with them when teens.
trust me on that one^.
the best thing you can do for your developing adults is praise good behavior & take away priveliges/ignore bad behavior keep an open dialouge with them but dont breath down their neck.
Dont shout or hit its just showing lack of control and its humiliating and disrespectful who wants to have a child to be constantly disiplining them..what was the point in having a child.
Dont let them walk all over you though children need a good role model without one its a very insecure position for a child to be in charge.
They need limits too with respect.

Answer 7

I'm a pro spanking, however I believe it really depends on the situation. I do believe it can be very effective when done properly. I do not believe in anything else being used but an open hand. I do not believe in spanking anywhere but the bottom and do not encourage spanking out of anger. I do believe that to be a success parent that uses spanking you need to follow it with love and explaining.

Answer 8

You must be new to Yahoo Answers, as this is something that comes up every few minutes over here.

I was spanked, as were my siblings. Nothing wrong with that, we weren't traumatized. My children are spanked, only when they have done something very wrong.

Let's make a bet that this is asked yet again in the next few minutes. LOL.

Answer 9

I was asking myself this same question this pass few weeks. My daughter would act ugly at school but as I thought about it spanking really don't work like it might have in the ol' days. Because now getting a spanking don't mean a thing to the kids nowadays. They will do what they want and be ready for the spanking.

Answer 10

I wasn't beaten too much, it was just the way years ago, most of us know better now! My Father's, Father had a tough up bringing because times were full of war and he was told to fight for your country or die so I suppose it was a survival thing. And he would use it as punishment on his children so it was passed down as a way to discipline. But my Dad never harmed me much at worst a bit of shock and mild concussion.
Tee, hee, I shouldn't have been naughty.

You have to be smart not to spank these days although some of us just like it anyhow! Did I just say that out loud?

late ed; But seriously it is horrible business and children being beaten is not in the least bit funny.

You can thumb me up now, cripes! some people overeact.

I think some of the parents are to blame for not using the correct guidance techniques. Thumb that down child beaters!