Parents do you think this is too harsh?

Question

(I'm using my daughter's acount).
My daughter had surgrey on her leg six days ago ( it was a small surgrey but she still has to go to physical therapy & she's in a leg brace). She can't go back to school until Monday so of course she's so *Bored*. She asked me if she could invite some friends over to spend the night tonight I said no ( I don't want her being to active). Then she asked me if I could get her some movies, I said no becouse I don't want her watching to many movies. Then I told her i she's so bored she should study ( She's making all A's & B's).
Do you think I'm being to harsh? should I let some of her friends spend the night tonight? They are all good kids ( my daughter's 15 btw).

Oh btw my daughter had a fight with her father last night ( me & her father are divorced). So she's kind of in a bad mood, so she's been rude all day long.

Answer 1

The poor girl just had surgery...no matter how minor its still surgery. Im sure she feels cooped up and bored, let her have a few friends over so she can relax and have a little company!! She sounds like a good stupid and a over all good kid, dont you think she deserves it?!?!

Answer 2

Harsh? While I wouldn't call it that, although you could be a little empathic. I would call it insensitive (no offense, really). She just had surgery, AND she's in a leg brace? Come on mom, can't you be a bit understanding? And what about the coddling we all expect when we've been through the wringer (or have just had surgery), no matter how 'small'.

She's uncomfortable, her movement is restricted, she is most likely aggravated to pieces, has been home for 6 days already, and might be a bit unhappy about her situation as well. Did you make no plans to make her feel better once she was home? Plans to entertain and distract her? (Magazines, ice cream, her favorite comedies, a teddy bear? Her favorite meals?) And who wants to study, when they are bored and not feeling the best?

If she was rude, it's probably because now she's bored, miserable, most likely experiencing some pain or at least some discomfort, has the prospect of therapy ahead, is lonely, might be anticipating the reactions to the brace when she is back at school, and has absolutely nothing to do but STUDY. Oh joy. And she's a good student too? Give her a break, and let her enjoy her time off. Time for study after she adjusts to the brace and returns to school.

There are no friends to distract her, commiserate with her, make her laugh, and take her mind off her physical troubles. And no movies? What do you do when she has the flu? How much time have you spent with her today?

Let her friends spend the night. Get her the movies she asked for. Tell her if she leaves the bed, for anything besides the bathroom, she will be able to spend all day Saturday and Sunday studying. Not a punishment, just an alternative to getting out of bed.

You did what you thought was best, but think of this from her perspective. I hope I wasn't too harsh. If I was, I apologize.

Hope I helped, and God bless you both.

Answer 3

Yeah I think you are being harsh. Your daughter just had surgery! Give her a break! Go rent some movies and video games for the girl order a pizza and have some fun with her!
She can study a little as well but tell me if you just had surgery what would you be doing? Work or relaxing?
For the friends question that depends can they be over without her being too active? If so let them. If not just let them visit for a bit and maybe watch some of those movie that you are going to rent with her.

Answer 4

Boy I got stressed just reading that...as I have been in your daughter's shoes. MANY TIMES. Her friends are 15 years old NOT 6. They know what surgery is, they know that she can not over do it. NONE of my friends ever pushed me to do things after surgery that was past my line.

Being a teen sucks, being a teen that has had to have a surgery suck even more, a teen that has had surgery with an over protective parent really sucks, a teen who has surgery with an over protective parent and have had a fight with other parent..is down right a NIGHTMARE!! She's feeling sorry for herself most likely, she got in a fight with her dad, and her mom won't let her do anything....of course shes going to be a grouch...lighten up....let her have a friend or 2 come over and let them watch a movie or 2....Seriously what is the harm??

The LAST thing a teen wants to do on a Friday night is homework, let alone do homework because its the ONLY thing allowed to do because shes being PUNISHED for having surgery!

Answer 5

OK yes ..it could be worse ..be thankful your daughter sounds like a good student and from a divorecd family she has that extra stress that usually kids dont i have 3 kids and i am also divorced i struggle with my kids and my kids dont get those grades my daughter is also 14 and she was a A student right know its "C"average so just talk to her and appreciate her i am sure your tired and stressed i could so understand your point just tell her ..GOOD LUCK.. let like 2 friends spend the night rent like 2 movies get pizza and tell her just to stay laying down and stuff if she could do that than i would say let her..

Answer 6

Yes, I think you're being too harsh, but no, I wouldn't invite her friends over.

For pete's sake, the poor girl is laid up...let her watch a couple movies! It can't hurt anything...even if you don't want her glued to the tv when things are normal, I think she can understand that this is a special situation, and won't expect to be able to watch all the time.

If she's already getting A's & B's, let her have a rest for a couple of days...Besides, in my mind, this shows that she's a good kid, and probably deserves a bit of a reward.

Answer 7

You are only harming your daughter. You are going to cause her to rebel against you if you don't lighten up. She should be allowed to have friends over to hang out. Most times teens just sit and talk anyway. Watching movies is not a bad thing, unless they are 'adult' movies. She's already making good grades....why push for better? It's like telling her she's not good enough.

I say you rent a movie or two, let three friends come over and possibly encourage them to play board games. Pop some popcorn maybe let them order a pizza, ect. Don't you remember what ti's like to be a teen? you need to lighten up and trust your daughter. If you don't start trusting her she's going to start to resent you and rebel.

Good Luck. I think you're a good parent and just trying to figure out exactly what is the best way to raise your teen. Good job, asking for a third persective. Hope this helps.

Answer 8

Oh for pity's sake, let her have a friend or two over and rent a couple of flics. Tell them they need to keep it a relaxed atmosphere or the friend(s) need to go home. She's obviously been through a mild ordeal (even a slight surgery is still very difficult) and needs some relaxation.

Answer 9

I have been laid up at one point...my husband also due to surgery on his leg also. Just laying there you do feel like you are going crazy!! I would suggest since she is 15 and it is not a habit and won't become a habit I would go get her some movies! They don't have to be the newest movies...
they can even be the old Disney classics, but that will give her something to help with the boredom and the feeling absolutely nuts and getting angry due to being stuck in one spot for a period of time with nothing to do.

Answer 10

I think you are being unusually harsh. I have 4 kids, and I think it's actually important for her well-being to have the support of her friends and her parents as she's trying to heal. I say let her have one or two friends over, let them set up pillows and blankets in front of the TV and watch some movies; it will instantly help her mood!

It's like you are grounding her and punishing her because she hurt herself. Wow, lighten up. She's 15, not 2.