why do you NOT believe in spanking?

Question

when i was growing up, my step mom would whip me with belts, cutting boards and whatever else and other things...i had a level of fear for her and did not dare do things that would get me in trouble. but i resent her for it now..now that i am pregnant, i want to discipline my child right but without them resenting me later in thier life. but i want her to be a good kid. what do u think i should do?

Answer 1

The punishment needs to fit the action. With my son, it all depends on what he has done. If he throws a toy, spanking won't work; but time out will. If he is throwing an out right tantrum, spanking will work. By spanking he is paddled on the butt usually once. There are also times when punishment is eye for an eye. If he bites or pulls hair, he gets bit, or has his hair pulled till he releases. He is two years old and has learned quickly that biting and pulling hair is not nice. I love my son very much, and too much of one thing is always bad wether its spanking, or being too lenient. Kids do need discipline and boundaries, and if they cross those boundaries, you need to be ready to discipline them appropriatly. Like I said my son doesn't always gets spanked, in fact now that I think about it, I can't remember the last time I have spanked him. He has learned that that kind of behavior gets him a paddle. Your kid is your kid, so you its ultimately up to you. Good luck I am sure you will make the right decision for your child and yourself.

Answer 2

It sounds like you didn't get "spanked" as a child, you got whooped. It sounds like your stepmom went a little far with the discipline but I am not opposed to spanking a child. A little hit on the hand or the butt should not ignite fear in a child but obedience. You will have to see which one is the most effective, then stick to it. The key is to be consistent. Take away privileges. Make them do more chores. Make them do more studying. Use a timeout corner/chair. From what I've seen, those things work. Best of luck to you

Answer 3

One thing I would caution you about...it has been said that you become (or repeat) what you hate. I grew up in a very strict, discipline-in-anger type of home. And I always said I would never do the same with my children. I have an 11 month old and haven't really faced the challenge yet. But I do know that it will be a battle. I already see my mother coming out in the things I say or the ways I tend to deal with the baby. I know that, in a moment of frustration when she's 3 and disobedient and up in my face, I will tend to resort to what my mother resorted to. You have to decide not to spank based more on why it's wrong rather than that you disagree with how you were raised based on how you felt about it. Common sense will tell you that hitting a child is not an option. It's just not. It makes no sense. This country propones it because this country has some sort of weird on again/off again relationship with the Bible: "spare the rod spoil the child". I know lots of great children who became adults who were never hit and who were never spoiled. It's harder to discipline in love and without hitting. But it works.

Answer 4

I am not totally against spanking but it should be administered on the spot and over with after that. Those who plan out their children's punishments or use instruments like wooden spoons or belts are being sadistic and cruel. Those who hit their children for reasons that have nothing to do with them have serious anger issues and need professional help. I know there's a fine line between discipline and child abuse but I consider the discipline becoming child abuse if the child is hit anywhere than on the buttocks and if bruises or welts form. Another sign of child abuse is when the discipline causes blood to appear anywhere on the child's body. In those cases, the child is not being disciplined but is being beaten.

Answer 5

>Why do you NOT believe in spanking?

What makes you think I do NOT believe in spankings?

I KNOW the hairbrush sure HURTS, esp. on the bare butt. And, yeah, I've been spanked with a belt and other things. Never been beaten, harmed, nor injured though. Can't say I ever resented being spanked [deserved it, got it, get on with living] nor hated the one who did it [though I'd hate the spanking itself and my getting myself into that situation].

Maybe your step mom (and dad) didn't also provide you with a lot of love and care and right training. If all they did was spank when you did wrong, then IMO they were wrong.
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Answer 6

What you got wasn't "spanking".
It was beating in the words of "Spanking".

Any object (especially the cutting boards) is abuse.

I only believe in spanking during dangerous situations or when other punishments have been tried and failed. For spanking to be effective, it must be used as rarely as possible. When you spank for everything a child does ALL of the time, they become immune to it.

Answer 7

What your stepmom did was not spanking. Spanking is a little swat on the rear every now and then when you misbehave. No matter what form of discipline you use, you have to be consistent and stand by it. If you are not, you will have problems.

Answer 8

Spanking, to me, seems to be a real submission to anger and rage. I guess on young children or a child who can't comprehend verbal instructions properly, spanking can be necessary. There are so many other disciplinary/corrective options for kids today that spanking is a bit superfluous.

Answer 9

First of all, I want my children to trust me and know I would never intentionally hurt them. As their parent, it is my job to protect them from harm. Secondly, I don't want my children to behave and be good people because they are afraid they will get hit should they misbehave, I want my children to behave and be good people because they ARE and I have raised them to understand that and have the self-respect that follows from that knowledge. I know a lot of people in the 'parenting age range' who say they were physically disciplined and they're 'okay' but I want my kids to be more than okay. I want them to have enough sense of self worth that they CHOOSE the proper behavior, not RESIGN themselves to it on;ly out of fear of consequence.
My middle child is one that could tempt one to think otherwise, she has gone through some very challenging phases, but fortunately I have instilled in her a strong enough sense of her own value that she comes through it all a better person. If she can get by without being 'smacked' anyone can.
My own parents never raised a hand to me, they raised me to think I was simply too good to treat people poorly or act in an unbecoming manner. It works.
If you want your child to be a good kid, treat her like a good kid. She will follow your lead.

Answer 10

I don't belive in spanking because I simply can't picture hitting my children. It just isn't...me.

However, so far, time out, or witholding things they like (bestime books, tv) has worked. I am extremely consistent and always follow through on my punishments and have been lucky so far that this is all that has been needed. Who knows what will work when they are teens, though? Hopefully the withholding will still have an impact, only then it will be taking away the computer or car or whatever.

Best-
DN