Help.. someone who I think might be gay is trying to meet up with me. What do I do?

Question

Note. I'm NOT gay. Please read

Just started a new job and this guy started talking to me. He didn't speak fantastic English, but he seemed friendly enough and seemingly eager to meet new friends.

After a few shifts of seeing him he asked for a number so we could meet up and maybe go out for a drink with a few of his mates. Seemed innocent enough.

Anyway.. He wants me to meet up with him tomorrow, a couple a days ago I said that would be fun. I only thought he was trying to be friendly, but now I'm almost convinced he's gay. Wanting me to go back to his place, saying he would "like to see me in his room", then added carefully... "for a chat". Asked if I had a myspace with any naughty photos as well.

Either it's his not so good English and over friendliness, but Im sure he's gay.

Anyway. He's pressuring me for a reason why I can't meet him tomorrow. How can I confront him and tell him I'm not gay without offending him? I don't work with him anymore as it was only temporary training.

Answer 1

I think he likes you and is obviously trying to "hook up." I think you have to tell him you think he's a nice guy, but you're not gay and you're not interested in him like that.

Answer 2

Why are you worry about offending the guy. Just tell him straight out; listen bro I get a feeling your gay and if I'm right just taught I tell you I am straight. If he is not he will laugh and say what makes you think that and maybe even punch you in the arm to show his bravado. Last choice in the list is that if he continues to bother you after you tell him your not gay and you find out he is well just give him one good one in the nose and that should fix the problem. I don't advise violence but some gay men can be very forceful. I once had the same problem and the guy kept on saying that he can turn any man gay if I give him one chance. He knew I meant business when I told him enough was enough and he better call the cops because I was fixing to make him my door mat.

Answer 3

What kind of guy is pressuring a 'buddy' for reasons why they can't make it for a drink? Sounds a little weird, but depending on where he is from, it might be normal.

Anyway, if the dude is cool in general tell him that you guys can have a drink, and when he mentions (insists?) that you should go to his place, just laugh and say that you know a much better bar.

If you need a more elaborate excuse, tell him that you want to bring this really cool girl that you are trying to get with, and it must be a bar. When you show up without the girl, just tell him that she could not make it and that you are all bummed out and you could ask him for his techniques on how to get the ladies.

Or if you just want to be a normal guy, you just tell him that something else has come up, and that it must be a later time.

And BTW, if he really is gay and is trying to come on to you, he will make it very clear at some point, and at that time you can just say that it is not your cup of tea.

Answer 4

Go out to eat with some of YOUR friends and invite him. When you guys are talking about women(which i'm almost sure you'll be talking about at some point) make it clear that youre into women, ONLY. Soon enough he should get the picture. Now, since you're not 100% sure if he is in fact gay do not ask him directly if he's gay cuz if he isnt... well that would be quite embarassing for both of you.. Also if you wanna get a straight answer out of him ask him what kinda girls he's interested in. And if you want to get really specific ask what kind he would date, take back to his place, etc. You sorta get the idea right?

Answer 5

Ok, well you have to try and keep in mind that foreigners normally seem overly friendly...

... but the reference to seeing his bedroom is a bit suspicious, but i think if i was in the same situation that at that point i would have blurted "erm... your room?!".

If you don't work with him anymore, i think i'd do the dishonest thing and make up some lie about why i can't meet him. Family occasions are a good way as they can't tag along to those.

Then i would forget all about him. Any phone calls would be put on silent....

Answer 6

or his understanding of English is just fine and he is trying to use political correctness to get a piece of your a**.

is he your boss? if not then tell him "i was trying to be polite, we are co workers and nothing else. friends maybe if you quit coming on like mr. gay avenger!! "

and make sure there are witness's when you say this. so there will be no issues after the fact. and you have witrness's if he continues or up's the harrassment.

by the way? NO is a one word sentence that you do not have to justify by any other words.

good luck!

Answer 7

Oh, just tell him you can't because you have a date with a girl called Jenny. That way, you will let him know you're not gay, plus, you have an out for the "date" he wants.

Either that or just tell him he's being too clingy and you need space. I bet he's just lonely, which is why he's coming across as desperate.

Answer 8

Well, I would straight up tell him: "It seems like you want more than friendship and I am not attracted to men. I have no problem with us being friends (if you don't) but it can't and WILL NOT go any further than that."

Answer 9

Would it be possible to make arrangements on your terms and then take someone with you? Perhaps then you could, you and your friend, make it clear that you're straight. It's just an idea.

Answer 10

If he says something again that makes you believe he is a homosexual and that makes you uncomfortable...tell him. It could be his bad English that makes he say those things and he doesn't understand what he is saying. It would be nice of you to explain things to him.