So I dated this guy for over 4 years. We ended up breaking up about 5 months ago over a miscommunication during a disagreement we had. The way it happened, it seemed like such a big deal but we've talked about it afterwards and we both know it was not worth our relationship.
In the 5 months of our breakup, we have become very close. We have cleared up our miscommunication problem and have been open and honest about our feelings. We started talked about getting back together about 2 months ago. Neither of us have dated or are even "talking" to other people. I am so ready to start over. He's not. He says he doesn't have the time to put into a real relationship (since he works two jobs and attends college full-time). I feel that what we have now IS a relationship just without the titles. He doesn't seem to agree with that. He even made a point to promise me that we would get back together.
Since that promise was made, it was been a while and I grew impatient. One night about 3 weeks ago, I tried to talk to him about it and it didn't end well. He ended up saying he doesn't want to keep his promise anymore. Since then, everything has gone back to normal between us and we are happy again but I am still dying to be with him. You have to understand, the first time I met this guy I said I was going to marry him. He is the best thing that's ever happened to me and I'm almost willing to do anything for us to get back together. Problem is, I don't know what to do. I don't want to wait forever. How can I get him to get back with me? How can I make him see that what we have no is a relationship without titles? What can I do to get back with the love of my life? Help me.
2007-11-09 08:30:53 · 18 answers · asked by First Lady 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
someone that you love has told you that their education is important. someone that you love has told you that they need to work 2 jobs to support themselves. someone that you love has told you that they want the relationship the way it is now. if he is the best thing that ever happend to you why do you want to change him? he's told you what he can give you right now, but that's not enough for you. so, balls in your court. accept what he can give and hope it will be more later OR move on. if you love him, respect him and honor his commitment to education and financial stability. if there's no room for what you want right now, don't push it.
2007-11-09 08:37:40 · answer #1 · answered by ProudM 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're going to have to let go. Everyone must let go of something or someone eventually, even if we don't want to. I met this guy and said how I was always going to be with him. Turns out he dumped me, got a new gf. I found a new boyfriend, and have dated him for over a month. And now I feel he is the one...again. The problem is we cannot totally devote ourselves to that person, because something may happen, and we will have lost everything, and we should hardly lose anything at all. Move on. If he wants to get back together, then go ahead. But no one can help the both of you, because it is his call too.
2007-11-09 08:36:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to tell you, but he does not want to commit to you right now. It sounds like he cares for you a lot, but probably wants to avoid declaring that you're IN a relationship in order to keep open his options without hurting you too much.
Alternatively, are you kind of needy/demanding in a relationship? It may be that he felt inadequate to your demands and does not want to add that stress to his already busy life, even though he does care about you.
This is definitely not what you want to hear, but I would think about the adage "if you love somebody, set them free," which continues (although I don't fully remember the phrasing) that that person will come back to you if it's meant to be.
You could tell him that you're thinking about limiting your conversations with him (maybe to once every week or two) because you don't want to crowd him, and that each of you can look around and "talk" to other people during this time. If you can be supportive rather than hyper-jealous, then maybe he'll realize that you're the coolest person he'll ever meet.
2007-11-09 08:40:58 · answer #3 · answered by timewaster 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When you're in love, it's painful to see what's right before your eyes. As Greg Behrendt would say in his book, he's just not that into you. You say you're willing to do anything to get back together, and I'm sure he knows it, which is a turn-off. You say he's the best thing that's ever happened to you, but apparently he doesn't feel the same way about you. Listen, you have a lot of love to give and you deserve someone who loves you just as much. Start looking around for that special person who will value and appreciate you.
2007-11-09 08:40:07 · answer #4 · answered by Lola 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but you cannot make someone feel something they don't. It seems clear from your explanation that this person isn't interested in carrying on a relationship with you. Chances are he made the "promise" to not hurt your feelings. You mention he is in college, so I'm assuming you're pretty young also. You have alot of time left in life to go and find someone who will feel as passionate about you, as you do them! Try and let the feelings go, as painful as it might be :( Good Luck to you.
2007-11-09 08:37:39 · answer #5 · answered by Christine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try not to sound so desperate. Most guys will only be turned off by a girl who pushes too hard. Back off and give him a chance to breathe and then let him make the first move. Go out and have fun and when he sees that you don't actually need him (in the creepy, stalking kind of way you do now), he might be back.
2007-11-09 08:38:14 · answer #6 · answered by Dame Edna 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you sure you want him back? I have only been with my boyfriend for 2 years and no disagreement would even have me thinking of breaking up. Honest. Unless I had SOLID proof of him having sex with someone else would I leave him. So it makes me wonder if what you disagreed over was something that really bothered you, and now you are thinking you want him back because you are lonely? just something to think about...however.. if you really do want him back, oh my gosh.. I feel for you really. Please just let him be. Really.. give him the space he needs. He WILL come back to you. I promise. Let him go a few days without talking to you, and maybe even date. Trust me no one will compare to you and he will come back.
2007-11-09 08:38:07 · answer #7 · answered by Blond&Tall 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a serous problem. What you should do is let him go for a while then c if he comes back to u stop bothering him don't tlak to him ignore him do whatever u can to make him realize how much he loves u he needs some time and if he doesn't come back, he's really not that into u.
2007-11-09 08:36:50 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds harsh and its hard to do but trust me it works, ignore him! dont call him no matter what! find other things to do, find someone else to talk to, it may take days, it may take a month but it will work. You have to stop badgering him about it, you cant force or talk a person into liking you or being with you. he feels secure because he knows that he is your world. take that away from him and believe me he will re-evaluate his feelings. And if he doesnt, well its time to move on you will look back someday and say" i cant believe i thought you were all that!" good luck honey love hurts!
2007-11-09 08:40:51 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't rush it. If you push any more than you are now, You will lose him.
I'd say he has more on his plate than he can handle at the moment. I think what he needs from you is space and time.
There's nothing worse than a girl coming on strong. Keep the relationship going if only just to be friends.
Putting a pressure on him now would only make matters worse.
2007-11-09 08:38:47 · answer #10 · answered by aotea s 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋