How can I deal with this like an adult?

Question

I live with my boyfriend of 6 years, and just recently we had his mother move in with us. She has been living with his sister and that is longer working out. She doesnt have a car or a job and lives of a fixed income of $500.00 But thats besides the point I'm getting at. Anyways, we (me and my boyfriend) got a kitten he is now 5 months old. She kept saying, "the cat will end up getting attached to me cuz i will be with it all day. Mandy's cat ( my boyfriends sister), got attached to me too, so yours probably will do the same.", not meaning harshly just telling us. Well lately I get so P.O.ed every time she starts playing with him when I am at home and its like a feeling of jealousy and it overwhelms me!!! I get all red in the face every time she says "kitty kitty kitty" and plays with him! I know its sounds childish and petty but i just want to smash her face in everytime! Its like she WANTS the cat to get attached to her on purpose! I am 27 years old and need some advise, HELP!

Answer 1

If you want to deal with your problem like a adult

the first thing you need to do is start acting like a adult and not a 14 year old girl

Answer 2

You're right about one thing, you are acting childish and petty. She said so herself, "I will be home all the time and the cat will get attached to me." Maybe she feels lonely and, like the cat, they will only have each other for company during the day. I think there is an underlying cause of your anger towards her, something that goes beyond the cat. You mentioned irrevelant things before getting to the cat issue and jealousy too. Maybe its bc she gets to stay home all day while you have to go and bust ur butt working? You should analyze it. If there is a cause, the cat thing is probably just triggering these feelings of anger and/or frustration. Try to figure it out on your own and see what can be done in order for you to stop feeling this way. Leave discussing it with your bf as a last resort.

good luck

Answer 3

Well if she is on that low of a fixed income there has to be state programs that can help her.

Your bf's mom is actually probably pretty lonely too. It sounds like she needs to get out of the house more. Have you thought about getting a second cat and giving it to her as a gift? That way she will have HER cat and HER friend.

She probably knows that this gets a rise out of you and she gets more attention because of it. When you get home and if you want to spend time with the cat. Pick up the cat go in your room with a toy or a piece of string or something and have your alone time and bonding time with the kitty.

Good luck to you and I hope you will survivie the mother.

Answer 4

Without knowing why she is living with you this might not be helpful, but you have to look at it from her point of view. You said you're 27 so I'm guessing she is late 40's-early 50's. For whatever reason, she is forced to live with her son and his girlfriend (you). All she has to do during the day is play with a cat. By any standard that's a pretty sad life. If playing with the cat gives her a little joy, let her have it.

Answer 5

OK. Formally GIVE her the cat. Just one evening over dinner, say, Shirley, you were right. Kitty sure is attached to you - and it's for all the reasons you said he would be. So I would like to make it official. Kitty is your's. OK so he lives here with us - and all that stuff - but he's yours.

And let it be that. Be glad you have someone at home to play with Kitty. Be glad that Kitty is there for Shirley, too.

But the bottom line is - why Shirley had to move in with you in the first place. Why didn't things work out at her daughter's? Well, those same traits of hers will work their ill will on YOU - they already have.

This really sounds like Shirley needs to have her own place. I'd start talking with social services about that. AND Shirley needs to look for some kind of work - at least part time - to give her more purpose than just winning the hearts of other people's pets.

But back to the cat. I gave my parents my dogs - because theirs had both died (within days of each other) and my dad was so very very sad. I voluntarily gave them my beloved dogs - because it made their lives better. And it wasn't like I didn't get to see them - and play with them etc. But they were my Dad's.

So give Shirley the cat - formally. Admit she was right about the cat growing attached to her and let it be that.

But talk to social services about an appropriate place for Mom to live - so you can have your privacy back.

Answer 6

Let's see this is difficult because now that she moved in your like second best, make that 3rd best. Fist of all I hope you never want alone time with your b/f. That is her son. But on the flip side, I see where you are coming from. You want to take ownership of the cat, and you should, it was yours. To tell you the truth I think she is just playing with the cat in front of you to make you feel that way. Lets face it, she has all day to play with the cat, but she doesn't. Don't worry I think this is something that will ware off, and beside she can play with a cat all day, what it comes down to is who feed's , water's, and cleans out the litter box for it? If that person is you, then don't get mad. I have 4 cats and they all love me not b/c I play with them, it is b/c I feed them, water them, and clean the litter for them. Good Luck, and GoD Bless

Answer 7

Yeah to be honest yeah that does sound a bit juvinile, but on the other side it is the principal it does seem to me from what you described she is trying to get under your skin. The more you "act" like it bothers you the more she will do it. When you get home today just say something like "wow, the kitty is really getting attached to you" even though you might want to slap the heck out of her but the more she "thinks" it bothers you the more she will do it Pretend you like her playing with the cat an see how soon she leaves it alone. It will be hard but try it and good luck!!!

Answer 8

you are one stupid a s s woman,,, why the hell are you worried about your sweet mother in law playing with your cat. the cat keeps company during the day. not to mention, mom is probably home all day by her self with the cat. the cat must make your mother in law happy. another thing, if your mother in law plays with that cat, and thats all your stressing about, well you got it made. you are a trip, you act like a 8 year old. GROW THE
F U C K UP... But yeah I have to hand it to ya, you are right about one thing, and that is, you said
"I know its sounds childish and petty."

You are acting childish, and it is petty, If you are so worried about her playing with the cat, than it's your responsibility to get your mother in law her own cat... that way every body is happy, you stop b i t c h i n g, and you mil is happy too, cause she will have a cat to her self... and you on the other hand, you need to stop living a low shallow life. Buy what I read from your question, it sounds like you just like to pick fights, and i am probably right, because you are young, and most young people like to pick fights... and i don't know how your boyfriend is still with you. just by your personalty su cks, and it sounds like you have an attitude problem, and also buy the way you talk about his mother, if i were him, I would have kicked your a s s out on the street a log time ago...

Answer 9

Smashing her head into a wall would not solve the problem. But really, is it really that bad for you not to let your mother in law play with the cat? No it's not!! I'm sure the cat brings her joy and happiness, being that she lives with such a person like you, I think I would rather live on the streets. It sounds like your not too nice of a person.. I mean, get over it. Let your mother in law play with the cute kitty. It also sounds like you have mental issues... So my advise to you is, let your loving mother in law play with the cute kitty!!!

Captain, Chris W T
ATP- Lear 45, B747- A318 - A380
CFI

Answer 10

Duh, of COURSE she wants the cat to be attached to her. She's at home all day, doing nothing. She needs all the companionship she can get. She just doesn't want to admit it to you, or maybe even herself. Probably because it will sound terribly sad if she says, "My only friend is a cat."

Maybe you need to come up with something she can go to gain some more friends and a social network. Maybe suggest to her that since she's so good with the cat, maybe she should volunteer at the local animal shelter or something? If you give her other interests outside of the home, she won't be so dependent on getting companionship from an animal.

Answer 11

This is not about the cat. You are feeling resentment because you were basically forced into having his mother live with you. These arrangements rarely work out. A young couple needs their privacy. She is there because of choices she made in her life that put her in a bad financial situation. You say it didn't work out with her own daughter. Why? Same reason it's not working out with you. Hope this doesn't end in a breakup for you. She needs to contact Social Services in your area so that they can help her get a place of her own.