What do I call my boyfriends mom?

Question

I am going with my bf at thanksgiving to visit his family in another state. We have been together almost 2 years and I have only met his mom once and she didnt even talk to me. He has told me he wants me to either call her "mama" or Mrs. P* because he feels it would be disrespectful to call her by her 1st name. I really don't feel comfortable calling her mama since I don't know her and she has said some hurtful things about me in the past. But he says if I try to call her Mrs. P* she will just tell me to call her mama. Do I just suck it up and call her mama even though I am extremely uncomfortable with it?

Answer 1

Seriously, just avoid addressing her by any names. I have a similar situation in which I was asked to call the parents Mom and Dad and I won't do that. They aren't my Mom and Dad. So I pretty much avoid any type of situation that would require me to call them by name. This doesn't mean ignore them. In fact, I have a great relationship with them and talk to them all the time. I just avoid the scenario of using names. It's actually not that hard to do. Good luck.

Answer 2

I would call her Mrs. P upon arrival. Usually at that point she'll insist that you call her a less formal name. In this situation, I personally would feel uncomfortable using the term mama.

If I were you, I would continue calling her Mrs. P. I mean, after all, how many times are you going to have to address her over the weekend? Probably just twice (when you first arrive or when you leave). I rarely address people by their names after greeting them--in those situations they are aware you are talking to them if you're looking at them.

Anyway, yeah, I think mama would be a little too uncomfortable.

Answer 3

Why would she want you to call her mama?! I would respectfully call her Mrs. P (she hasn't yet told you to call her anything other than that yet right?) and if she doesn't like it too bad. If you are uncomfortable with it maybe you could just say(if your really brave), I'm sorry I don't feel comfortable calling you mama as of yet, so for now I'll stick with Mrs... Or yeah, just avoid calling her anything. I never have to call my mother in law by her name when talking.

Answer 4

When you get to his mom's house, she'll probably say hello and you can say hello back without any sort of naming issue at all. Then when you get more comfortable with her and are having a chat about whatever, you can ask, "Would it be all right if I call you by your first name, Mrs. P?"

She'll either say that's fine or she'll say "Call me mama." You may or may not be comfortable with that at the time. If not, read on, because I've been in the same situation.

When I got married, my in-laws sat me down and said they wanted me to call them Mom and Dad. I was flattered and as I grew up with my dad calling my mom's parent's Mom & Dad, it seemed normal to me. And I don't have a problem calling my father-in-law Dad because he's very much a dad to me.

However, it's weird with my mother-in-law, because long before I started dating my husband, she was my supervisor at work. (I met her son at church, though, not through work and she wasn't the one who introduced us.) Anyway, I had a professional relationship with her and we called each other by our first names. It's just too weird to call her Mom most of the time. We're more like friends than mother-daughter anyway.

I have managed to avoid calling her anything most of the time. You know, you say, "How are you?" instead of "How are you, Mom?" On the very rare occasions where I have to use a name to get her attention, I will say "Mom" out of respect for her wishes. When she's not around and I refer to her, I call her by her first name. When she telephones and I am handing the phone to my husband, I say, "It's your mom." It all works out.

Answer 5

Call her Mrs. P*. If she wants you to call her something else, she'll let you know. If you aren't comfortable with mama, ask if calling her by her first name is ok. It's not disrepectful if she doesn't want to be called Mrs P* and she says it's alright.

Answer 6

As uncomfortable as you are calling her "mama", it is very likely she also would feel the same way about being called "mama" by you! The proper thing to do is to call her Mrs. So&So (whatever her last name is), unless SHE askes you to call her by another name! I wouldnt dare calling her anything except her proper name.

Answer 7

Growing up, my group of friends started calling each others mothers by "Mama ". The mothers never seemed to mind. I think they liked it, since with 6 teenagers raiding your kitchen, you were the "Mama" for a little bit. I know it is a little off topic, but you could call her "Mama P*". Its less formal than Mrs. P*.

BTW, I'm over 30 now, and still call my friends mothers "Mama *" when I see them, and they usually smile and laugh about not being called grandma.

Answer 8

Call her Mrs. P* from the get go. That is just out of respect. If she doesn't want you calling her Mrs. she will let you know what to call her then. Until then, respect her because she is your elder. If she tells you to call her mama, then just look at it as her name. Things will go great! Best of luck!

Answer 9

Call her Mrs. P till she corrects you. If you are uncomfortable calling her mama, don't call her anything. Just make sure you are looking directly at her when you speak to her.

Answer 10

Oh honey, my sympathy lies with you. She wants you to call her Mama? That just sounds kind of odd to me. I would call her Mrs. P and when she says "call me Mama", tell her referring to her by that name would be disrespectful to YOUR Mama! This sounds like the beginning of a difficult relationship with a potential future mother-in-law! They wonder why there are so many mother-in-law jokes....here's a prime example why they exist!