How do I discipline my one year old without seeming mean?

Question

My son is 1 yr old and is very advanced, has been since birth. He started walking at 7 months and well, basically I have a 1 yr old toddler. He's into everything, climbs on everything, he's VERY strong and very smart. The problem is he doesn't care when someone says "NO". He knows what it means but he doesn't seem to really care. He'll go back to that same thing I said no to about 10 times before he loses interest and tries something else.

I just feel funny because he IS so small but he's so advanced that it's something my husband and I need to deal with. How can I discipline him other than saying NO? He's too small to understand time-out and to sit there and too small to have toys taken away, he'll just move on to something else.

I'm also new to all this being that my family is 7 girls and no boys. My son is the first boy and I'm not quite sure what to do with boys. I know most of this is boy behavior but any tips on how to really do this? Or is NO the only solution?

Thanks

I have given him an alternative. I read in my Parents magazine to always replace when taking something away. I do this every time. He often goes for the trash and we tell him "No, it's dirty, yuck" and try and give him his basketball or a plastic container. He doesn't care, he wants what he can't have.

I actually think that my husband and I do a good job with being consistent. I guess I sometimes and so shocked at the attitude we get back from son when we say no and again, it's like he does it again just because we said no.

I know for lots of things he's very curious and we try to let him be curious within the rules of the house. I just feel like "no no no no no" will eventually just be another word if we don't try to implement any other form of punishment. I do realize he's young and some might feel too small, but every child is different and each deals differently. So with all do respect, everyone parents differently, but he's really not too small to be disciplined.

I really don't know if there's a reason for some of you to be sarcastic. As I respectfully posted, everyone parents differently and I respect that. I'm just looking for other options since the way we're doing it seems to not be working. I apologize if you seem to be bothered by the fact that I say he's advanced. He does know what no means, he just simply doesn't care. Which is why I'm looking for a plan B.

Again, with all do respect, my son is at daycare, I'm on break at work. I'm parent that works full time. Please don't judge me and my parenting based upon a simple "any advice" question. I guess maybe next time I should assume I'm a perfect parent and not ask for any advice. Thank you for your wise words! Maybe I should take lesson from your 3 month old puppy

Answer 1

He may be advanced, but he's not so advanced that he needs to be disciplined. One year olds, regardless of intelligence or advancement, have impulse control issues and they also do not have a firm grasp of the language or on the concept of consequences. And boys are no different from girls at this stage (I've had both). Timeouts would be the harshest punishment he should get and even that may not have the result you're looking for. At this age, their memories are short and he may very well forget what he's in timeout for by the time he's allowed up. Timeouts at the most should only be 5 minutes.

Mostly what works is diversion. Instead of telling him No ten times, tell him No once while at the same time diverting his attention somewhere else -- on to something he's allowed to do. Plan on doing this about a million times a day. Welcome to parenthood. : )

**ADD**

You're right that saying No over and over again will make it become a useless word. And I for one wasn't trying to be sarcastic by saying "welcome to parenthood", I was more trying to be humorous. I have a 15 year old and a 9 year old and I've been where you are.....I was looking back on those years with a smile when answering your question because I remember it all and I do feel for you, sincerely, (as I'm sure the others who've answered do also).

One thing -- you didn't mention in your first part of the question that your son is in daycare. That's important because it may be having a great impact on his attitude. How do they handle discipline at daycare? Do they allow the kids to run loose with no structure? It's very, very difficult to have kids in daycare under one set of rules and then expect them to behave under your rules at home. You should meet with the daycare people and find out exactly what his day is like when he's there. Ideally, the daycare's attitude and schedule and rules should be very similar to your own. I know that I had a difficult time with my kids when they were in daycare -- they would get one kind of discipline (or lack thereof) during the day and I would have a whole other set of rules at home. Your son may be learning his behavior during the day by the way the daycare is run. Just a thought.

And again, timeouts may work when he's doing something over and over again that you don't want him to do -- but you need to put him somewhere where he has no toys to play with; definitely not his room cause that's a "fun" spot. A playpen or something would work well.

And unfortunately, with kids, you do have to repeat yourself about a million times a day. Even when they're older. I'm not being sarcastic, it's just a fact. Most parents have to contend with this problem -- and all the books will tell you very different ways to handle it so they're not usually much help. It's trial and error all the way and you just need to find something that works for you.

Answer 2

He is not too small for a time out and to have the toy taken away. Give the time out one minute for every year he is old. Explain what he done wrong when you put him in and when you take him out. Also tell him he can not have the toy that he was misusing for the rest of the day. It may seem like he is not getting it but after a couple days he will learn. You and your husband need to be consistant and follow through every single time you say it.

Any longer than a minute though adn he will forget why he is in time out so don't go over it, it will defeat your purpose.

I done this with my son starting at about a year old (maybe a month or so off) everytime he done something I had told him was bad. I would first tell him and say next time you have to get a time out, so the next time he done it I put him in his playpen for a minute. It was usually things like going on the fireplace (which only took three time outs!), scratching or hitting someone (which took about a week). He is use to the time out situation now and (he is 28mths old) and will cry when I say it is time out go sit on your bed (and he actually goes in and sits there until I get him to come out and play again.

Answer 3

It seems from your note that you're saying "no" without offering an alternative activity.

Since he is very advanced, part of his perserverance is that he is experimenting and studying whatever he is playing with, but doesn't realize that it is inappropriate/dangerous/forbidden. Then you say "no" and he is not yet done studying it.

Instead of using "no", try saying "This is for mommy, but look! This one is for you!" This way you give him an interesting alternative to whatever he shouldn't do.

Practically speaking, since most kitchen cabinets are full of interesting things that are "no" to him, try emptying one out and putting kitchen items that he CAN have in it. Then, when he explores any other cabinet, divert him to "his" cabinet.

If he's forbidden from climbing on the couch, tell him that the couch is not for jumping, but that he can climb the slide/activity gym. Give him fun alternatives to his activities.

Also, have another mom come over and take a close look at your house with you. Ask for her help in pointing out how to better "toddlerproof" your home so there will be fewer "no" restictions.

Good luck to you!

Answer 4

Why are you saying "no"? I raised both of my boys *rarely* using that word. Instead, I found ways to support what they wanted. As in, if he's jumping on the couch and you don't allow that, ask - You want to jump? You can jump on this cushion. (or whatever else you have set up.) It's about meeting their needs - and they *are* needs - with a solution that works for both of you. Find the yes, ways to say yes, instead of no. Both of my boys are thoughtful, responsible, delightful people, even though when they were younger and I was raising them this way, folks thought they would end up spoiled and selfish. Instead, they know I support them and their interests no matter what.

I never did time-outs or other punishments. Ever. We worked (and still work) to find mutual solutions. Check out Taking Children Seriously or Radical Unschooling for more support in this.

Answer 5

First of all remember that even though he is "advanced", he is still a one year old and he will act like a one year old. And you can give him time-out. Just set him in a naughty chair or stool or whatever for 1 minute for each year of age. When my daughter was that age, I put her in her playpen with no toys for time out. It worked pretty well for me. Also, sometimes as parents, we have to be the bad guy. There will always be a time when you feel mean disciplining your children, but if you don't, you really aren't doing them any favors. You may have to say no over and over, but you have to be consistent and patient.

Answer 6

my son is one also well he will be in 14 days he is very smart too and loves to explore i have learned that no doesn't work but i still use it so he will eventually get the understanding of it i try to baby proof my house as much as possible so he can have a little more freedom of exploring you can try one of those huge play yards that set up as a big circle on the floor and they cant get out but have a ton of space so they don't feel restricted...good luck

Answer 7

I put my one year old son in time out. they will learn that when you say no and they don't listen they get put in a room with no toys. He is only in there for a minute but he gets the point.

Answer 8

It's pretty simple... either you're a parent or you're their friend

If this kid is so "advanced" why doesn't he know no? I have a 3 month old puppy that knows what no means and she's not "advanced"

it cracks me up... everyone thinks their little brat is so much smarter then the other kids.. but.. then the parent has questions like this...LOL

You decide... and then get off the computer and go take care of the kid.

Answer 9

well since he is SO ADVANCED, then he must understand no, he is a small toddler, right? well toddlers understand no

Answer 10

smile when you are doing it