I asked 3 friends to be my bridesmaids. I figured instead of making my bridesmaids and maid of honor wear a dress they didn't like I chose the color and told them to find a dress. My maid of honor didn't even bother looking. About 2 weeks ago my mom and bridesmaids all went out and picked out a dress. My maid of honor made a stink about because she didn't like the dress. We went to 6 different places and found her a dress that was a different style but the same color as the bridesmaids dresses. She told me she loved the second dress and she was ok with that... then proceeded to tell me she needs the receipt so that she can buy another dress and return this one. We are 3 weeks away from my wedding. I talk to my mom and we decided to take her out of the wedding. This morning I got a call from her mother asking me to reconsider because she is very "fragile" at the moment and she could have a "breakdown" and end up in the hospital if she isnt in the wedding. Am I being selfish or unfair???
2007-11-09 03:26:10 · 17 answers · asked by CrazyBrazilGirl 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
There isn't a problem with the dress. She loved it but she doesn't want to wear the same dress as the other girls. She said " I'm the MOH and that means I'm more special then the other girls and I need a different dress!"
That is the main issue but there have been other issues. For example she didn't plan a shower for me and when people noticed that there wasn't going to be one they started to plan it. My future sister in law just started planning my bachelorette party cuz she wasn't doing that either. My mom & I made the favors and centerpieces again no help from her. The other 2 bridesmaids have helped with a lot of things but she hasn't been there to help at all. While she may be "fragile" she hasn't spent a single weekend at home. Parties all over CT, NY & Long Island. She always has to be the center of attention but i thought that maybe she wouldn't act like this knowing what an important day it is for me.
2007-11-09 06:43:25 · update #1
I dont think you are being selfish or unfair by trying to accommodate HER! Its unfair of her mother to make you responsible for her mental state. You are not responsible for that so dont let her guilt trip you into it. Stand firmly by your decision.
2007-11-09 03:38:28 · answer #1 · answered by fizzy stuff 7 · 5⤊ 1⤋
OMG! in this case is not Bridezilla is Maid of Evil or something.. I have to tell you I kind of did the same thing you did I let my girls pick the style of their dresses just as long as it was the same color.. it was a nightmare, I got everything from " she picked the same dress I did" or " my dress is to much, I can't be in the wedding" but you would think that this people you picked to be part of your special day would stop thinking about themselves and what they want and look at the big picture because I am sure if this was their special day, you would not be acting the same way they are.. so good luck and don't let little things like this ruin your day.. congrats!
2007-11-09 03:59:12 · answer #2 · answered by yomyr2000 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I dont think you are being selfish or unreasonable at all. This is your day. You should have some say as to what the dresses look like. I would tell her she either needs to wear the dress she has chosen or chose not be in the wedding at all. What is going on with her personal life has nothing to do with your special day. You are the one that has the right to make the choices on the dresses. What matters most is that you like the dress she has already chosen.
2007-11-09 05:20:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's too bad that MOH is "fragile" at this time - but that's no excuse for being a pain in the butt - which is all the more reason why she should NOT be a member of the wedding party. Stand by your decision and go on without her. Don't let guilt stop your plans.
2007-11-09 04:11:23 · answer #4 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you aren't. Sounds like she's a drama queen but I'm surprised you didn't already know that.
You need to sit down with her (not her mother) and find out what's going on. Make it clear to her that you made EVERY effort to get her a dress she would love, and that you expect her to show up, wear that dress, do her 'honor' duties and be a FRIEND to you by doing all of it without complaining. Tell her that if there is ONE more incident or problem you will remove her from the wedding.
If you choose to simply leave her out at this point, that's your choice. You are NOT responsible if she is 'fragile' or 'ends up in the hospital'.
2007-11-09 03:56:21 · answer #5 · answered by lady_phoenix39 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I do not think you are being selfish, in fact with it being your wedding I find you are being very accomadating. I would let her remain in the wedding if she seems more coopertive, but if she insists on another dress maybe she needs to be reminded that this day is not about her, it is about you!
That being said, I would call or go see her. I would see if she is ok and maybe get to the bottom of what is going on. Maybe she is really having a rough time and needs a friend and with the wedding she may not get the attention she is needing, even if you are the bride. Maybe a good conversation can solve this, it seems like you really care for her, I wish you all luck!
2007-11-09 03:55:56 · answer #6 · answered by okeydokeyjal22 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sticky situation.
You did ask her to be in the wedding so taking her out of it goes against 'wedding etiquette.'
You just need to tell her to get it together, that is the dress you chose, ti's your wedding, no if/ands/or buts.
If she still acts like a selfish twit, take her out of the wedding.
Anyone that has t heir mother calling you to describe their 'fragile' state probably shouldn't be in the wedding in the first place.
She sounds very childish.
Bottom Line: It's your wedding. What you say goes.
2007-11-09 04:17:22 · answer #7 · answered by Mimi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think this has less to do with you and more to do with what she has going on in her personal life. Apparently something has affected her emotionally and this is affecting your friendship and her ability to cooperate for your wedding. If she is not normally like this she may just be going through a rough patch. I say give her some space for a couple days and then call her up to find out what's going on and where she stands. If she really wants to be in the wedding she'll wear the dress and be happy for you.
I think that her mother calling you is quite weird and if her mom truly thinks she could end up in the hospital, she should probably bring her there now!
2007-11-09 03:33:41 · answer #8 · answered by chaychayolei 5 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Even though you had the best of intentions in letting them choose their own dresses, you are now finding out why most brides don't do that. THis is the kind of things that can happen. If you don't want her in the wedding, then don't have her, it's your wedding, don't let the way that she is acting ruin it for you. I think it might be best to have a talk with her and let her know that her actions are stressing everyone. Give her one more chance to get it together. If she doesn't then do what you need to do to make your day right for you.
2007-11-09 03:32:58 · answer #9 · answered by Deanrijo 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If this wasn't your wedding, would you be more caring of her emotional state? Or is it the very point that it IS a wedding, that means everyone can be tough on her?
If it was just a simple dinner party, would you toss her out, revoke her invitation and cut her loose?
If she turns out to have ongoing emotional issues, does it mean you don't have to care, just because it is your wedding?
Just curious how much it affects anything, that it is a wedding and not just another day.
2007-11-09 04:46:17 · answer #10 · answered by danashelchan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She will go to the hospital if she isn't in your wedding but doesn't want to wear anything that's been selected? I'd tell her she can wear the dress that's been purchased and stay in the wedding, or just get lost, as you don't need this sort of drama.
Questions like this just further affirm my happiness at our decision to not have any bridal party at all. Our 2 mothers will sign our certificate as our witnesses, and we don't have to deal with anyone else's issues related to our wedding day.
2007-11-09 03:33:43 · answer #11 · answered by melouofs 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋