My Mom is having another (her second) baby, and thereis a age gao of 12 years!?

Question

This is my mom's second baby and there is 12 years between me and the new baby! I don't want to, but I feel jealous, and left out... please don't say talk about it!! Me and my mom have a close relationship, and we always talk, but we're kind of drifting apart. Help!

Answer 1

My little brother is 13 years younger than me......Sure at first you might feel a little insecure because now you are no longer the baby and thats normal......Just try to let go of those feelings and spend some time bonding with your new baby brother or sister because then you'll see how proud your mom will be that you are being so unselfish......you'll still be adored......I admit my little brother was pretty funny as a baby......treat the baby good and he/she will adore you too.......embrace it okay......everyone will be happier. :-)

Answer 2

It's natural that you would feel jealous after being the center of attention for 12 years. If you change the way you look at this event, it may help you get through it. This is not something your Mom is doing to you. It happened. It was probably not planned after 12 years but it happened and it's a reality.

You're 12 and will very soon be a teen facing teen issues of having sex, birth control, unwanted pregnancy, babies being born to teenage mothers. This situation could actually be a blessing in disguise. It will teach you what a woman goes through when she's pregnant, all the body changes and the emotional changes. It will teach what it's like to actually give birth and to care for a newborn baby. By the time you're old enough to have to think about making those choices, you'll already know the answers. When your friends talk about what they think they know, you'll actually know and will be able to set the record straight.

I know you don't want to hear "talk about it" but that's my advice. I suspect it will be everyone else's advice as well because that's the only way you'll be able to deal with your feelings. You have a close relationship with your Mom. You recognize that you're starting to drift apart. That doesn't have to happen. A relationship takes work on both sides. If you don't talk to your Mom about your feelings she won't be able to help you. You will keep those feelings inside and you'll resent this new little life that's about to enter the world. Try to see this baby as a blessing who's coming here to teach you what you need to know to get through your teen years. She doesn't want to take attention away from you she wants to love you and to be loved by you. Talk to your Mom.

Answer 3

Try to help with the baby, whether it's watching it or feeding it. I'm sure your mom could use some help. She'll appreciate the fact that you'll want to help and when you do help it will give you some time to talk more with your mom. Also if you do help and the baby grows up you can always remind them how you always watched them or how you used to feed them. It's hard having a baby and even a younger sibling and just remember you were spoiled like that once too. After a while she'll get over it and it'll go back to the old way of life. Just with a baby.

Answer 4

It might be because of a combination of the new baby and your age. You're growing up and will naturally start drifting away from your mom. It's a normal thing--all kids do it. Add in the fact that a lot of her attention is going to her pregnancy and then the baby, and it only makes it more pronounced.

Why don't you ask your mom if you and she could have a mother-daughter night, once a week or once every couple of weeks. Make it a no-baby time (unless you want to talk about it, have questions or concerns, etc.), so the two of you can catch up on what's going on in your life and maintain that connection that's obviously important to you.

Answer 5

I'm going to address this from the other side, because I'm a mom who has two children 9 years apart.

It is absolutely normal to feel left out simply by the nature of pregnancy and new babyhood. All the attention is focused on the new one, and seems like there's not a smidge left for you. And you know what? As sad as that is, it's just a natural process that the whole family will go through. But I swear to you, your mother will love you ALL THE MORE with a sibling in the house. It's almost like your heart is bursting with all this extra love floating around.

As for the drifting apart, I feel that with my older son some too. Just... ok how about asking your mom if you two can go do something special together like you used to do, just the two of you. Make sure you do something special to help her out whenever you can, just doing one little extra chore will be so special to her.

... Honey, there isn't any magical answer. And I really don't feel like I've answered yours. But know that your mom loves you, and while her attention will be focused on the new one, her heart is still yours too.

Answer 6

My sister and I are twelve years apart, I am the oldest. The age gap never bothered me because at the age of 12 I was starting to mature, and I was able to cope with my new baby sister easily. Growing up I was almost like a mother figure to my lil sis. She's now 15, and we are VERY close. My mother and her had a special relationship just like my mom and I had, but each relationship is unique, and I am not jealous. You will be fine. Take this opportunity to become a role model for your lil sis, and a best friend as well. Good luck.

Answer 7

Your mom has a lot on her mind right now. If you're 12, you'll be heading into high school in a couple of years and be busy with school, career and continuing education plans, dating, and all the fun things that go with growing up. The drifting apart is a healthy condition that helps you realize you are an independent, growing-up-emotionally adolescent, on the way to discovering who your yourself are, and what you want out of life. Exciting times for you and the family.

Learing to share and get along in a widening environment is an excellent skill. Think of the fun you'll have being big sis!

Answer 8

My sister could tell a thing or two about this. She was 10 years old when my brother was born, and almost 17 years old when I came along.

Your mom is going to need your understanding and support. You will not drift from her if you can give her these. You will become closer in fact. It is a way for you to bond with the new sibling, and to strengthen the bond with your mom. New moms need to spend a lot of time with the newborns; you will always be her #1.

Answer 9

hi. i have a sister who is twelve years younger then i am. when she was born, i was INSANELY jealous, because my mom was always cooing over her. she is 1 1/2 now. it has been a pleasure wathcing her grow up a little more every year. dont worry bout it. if your mom coos over the baby, do the same. the baby is your sibling, so dont be jealous like i was. enjoy this. be happy for your mom. if u feel like your drifting, say "hey mom, wanna go to a movie or lunch" or something like that, and that will bring you two closer together. despite the baby, you will always be close to your mom. you are er first baby, and you always will be. i hope you take my advice. good luck!!

Answer 10

That's a tough one. Yep, your mom is going to have to focus on the baby a lot more than on you. You're probably used to getting all the attention, and now you're going to have to share. Worse, you're going to get less than half the attention, because babies take a ton of attention.

You *might* be able to get some attention back if you offer to help out. If you take care of the baby while mom takes care of other things, then she might continue to have more time for you -- time she wouldn't otherwise have had if she'd had to take care of the baby by herself.

Or maybe you can take care of some of the stuff around the house -- take over more of the cooking or stuff. Maybe you can do some of the adult things with your mom -- things she has to do, anyway, but you can do them with her for some quality time together.