Spare the Rod and Spoil the Child - Is it literal or symbolic?

Question

The verse that says, "Spare the rod and spoil the child". Why do some people take it literally and some symbolically? Is there a definite right or wrong? The abuse of caning is so damaging yet Christian parents do not think it wise to use alternative discipline measures claiming the act is biblical. I call that using the word of God for their own end. With so much statistical studies about the damage of physical affliction, the rise in dysfunctional behaviours using abusive discpline measures, can we really justify the literal meaning of the verse?

For those who use the cane as a scare tactic when disciplining, what sort of personality does your child turn out to be? Confident or Nuerotic?

Bible source:
"He who spareth the rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him correcteth him betimes" (Proverbs 13:24) and "Withhold not correction from a child: for if thou strike him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and deliver his soul from hell." (Proverbs 23:13-14)

Answer 1

I have to say that in my parents generation as well as mine parents would answer literal, but growing up angry and abused it caused a negative impact on my life and how I've dealt with others.

I agree we should introduce discipline in our relationships with our children, but it doesn't mean to spare the rod by actually grabbing a rod and beating your child/children. It is a symbolic verse in the bible instructing us as parents to become teachers and teach our children what is right and what is wrong as we were taught and as the bible teaches us. That scripture doesn't advise us to beat our child/children simply because they did something wrong.

As we all are imperfect our children are too, we should teach our children when their behavior is unacceptable what the bible teaches us. Use the scriptures as an example, or use todays news as an example. Teach your child that there are consequences when you do that, because spanking your child only tells your child that you are angry. You teach your child that whenever he/she makes you angry you are going to beat them.

Abused children grow up getting fired from more jobs than a child who was raised with verbal discipline. That child learns to take verbal criticism as the child whom was spanked throws his/her hands up and say well I screwed up I am getting fired anyhow so who cares. At that point that person is no longer as productive because they know they are in trouble.

Those who may answer it is literal shows they may spank. But those who may say it's symbolic may agree that spanking may work, but it is not what the bible is telling us to do. The bible is telling us to teach what is right and wrong and if you do wrong then there will be consequences.

Answer 2

If you spare the rod, meaning discipline, you will spoil the child and they won't learn. I agree with one of the previous posts that that is what is wrong with a lot of young people today. Their parents did not take the time while they grew up to show them the proper way to act. A lot of them are rude, obnoxious, violent, and hateful. You see a lot of older people today that grew up in the 1920's, 30's, 40's, 50's and 60's knew how to act. They knew their actions had serious consequences. So to spare the rod is to spoil the child.

Answer 3

That is not scripture...That is a paraphrase that comes from man. We are to use this principal of spanking unfortunately some parents have taken this type of discipline out of context and what I believe a worthy right given to us by God.

Parenting is not for the weak or the lenient minded because there has to be balance between positive re enforcement , discipline and punishment...You have to take in consideration the age, sex, temperament and personalities of each child..

Spanking has a time and place and when used properly doesn't harm the psyche of the child it relates to correction.Each offense or action has to be handled differently that's for sure.. Just from my own perspective and being a mother of 5 children 3 boys and 2 girls ..I have raised my children much different then my parents did ..I was raised
with reason and little boundaries and wish my parents had disciplined me better and set stricter bounds because talking and reasoning doesn't work for some.. I have had to sift through the baggage that caused me and overcome it...

If you look around you you will see way too much lawlessness
in the next generation.. That is clearly related to a lack of boundaries, discipline and correction... Throw those together and you get low self esteem and disrespect for authority and themselves

Answer 4

It's literal, but what does it mean?

Elsewhere in the Bible, you'll see the phrase, "your rod and staff comfort me."

What does THAT mean?

Means a shepherd would carry a large staff, for beating off wolves and such, and a small rod, for helping to direct the sheep.

They aren't used for punishment -- who punishes a sheep? -- they are used for controlling, and steering, and moving sheep. The sheep will try to go the wrong way, you use the rod to turn the sheep the right way -- if you spare the rod and not use it, the sheep will wander off and get lost, like spoiling a child.

The verse means you help guide your child in the right direction, the way the shepherd gently guides a sheep.

The misunderstanding lies in people not knowing the context of the verse, and assuming that what it says on the surface must be the ONLY way to read it.

Godspeed.

Answer 5

Realize that all, 100%, of what's written in religious texts or passed down as moral sayings comes from thousands of generations of practical experience.

We like to think we are some enlightened generation that is so much wiser than the trillions of people that came before us. We are not. What we're trying has been tried countless times before by countless generations and cultures. The things that have been successful are repeated, and the things that have failed miserably are warned against, hoping future generations will take their advice and not make the same mistake that they made.

So the general principal is, with regards to developing good behavior in children, if you spare the rod, eliminating all forms of legitimate punishment, you will spoil the child, creating a child who has no real reason to change their behavior.

This doesn't necessarilly mean beating your child, but it does mean that the punishment inflicted on a child for bad behavior must be severe enough to make them fear that result if they repeat the same bad behavior again.

There are two ways to accomplish this punishment, either physical or non-physical.

A physical response is traditional because it gets the message across quickly and efficiently and has short-term effects. (Yes, there are exceptions where the physical response is excessive and becomes abusive. There are also people who drive recklessly, but it doesn't mean none of us should be allowed to drive.)

A non-physical response is not traditional because it generally doesn't work, unless the child chooses to be cooperative or unless it is such a severe mind-game response that it has long-term negative effects and becomes even more abusive than a physical response.

For example, kids quickly learned that "time out" was a joke. They'd take advantage of the time out and make it something they could benefit from, eliminating the whole point of "punishment".

And it is clear that we now have several generations of children, who were raised with non-physical responses to their behavior issues, that have little respect property and have little respect for life. Because they never experienced the pain of physical punishment, they have no empathy when causing physical pain to others.

Again, there are exceptions. Some children are absolutely receptive to non-physical responses to behavior concerns, and they adjust their behavior appropriately.

But honestly, I am thankful that my parents never spared the rod. I can play a game like Grand Theft Auto all day long and never even fathom causing physical harm to another human being for real. I might say it, but I'd never ever do it, and it's because I understand that physical pain is real.

A child who has never experienced what they THINK is real and unbearable physical pain in their early life will not hesitate to deliver that physical pain to another human being, because they cannot empathize with what it will feel like.

And THIS is why you have Columbines and other bizarre violent behavior from children today. They understand that, even if they KILL a fellow student, they will only get "time out" in an institution somewhere. And sometimes, when the reality of adulthood hits (with all its pain and real difficulties), that "time out", even if it's life behind bars, seems like a pretty good deal.

Answer 6

The verse doesn't say "Spare the rod and spoil the child"....It says, "He that spareth the rod hateth his son. He that loveth his son chasteneth (punishes) him betimes (when it's NECESSARY, not to take out your anger upon them)." The meaning is implied that if you "spare the rod" you spoil the child, but nonetheless, it means that if you DON'T correct that child when it's needed with the "rod" (spanking, NOT abusing!) that child will not receive/develop the sense of morality/structure/discipline that is necessary in life.

Answer 7

As a teacher I have seen firsthand the results of both. Children that are spanked (not beaten) are better behaved and better adjusted that those that are "talked too".
That being said. A parent should never spank a child while angry. They must give themselves time to cool down and then tell the child why they are being punished.
My children were spanked when needed. They are all leading productive lives.
Of course I realize you aren't really asking a question. You're just justifying your own views.

Answer 8

I hate to say it, but after being on this planet for 50 years and seeing the kids today vs the kids of my generation...I'd say the verse is true. Sparing the Rod CAN spoil the child...

But ABUSE can do more than spoil the child. There is a major difference between "discipline" and "abuse".

A smack on the butt now and then when richly deserved never hurt anyone (except the parent...which I understand now).

Tough call anyway you look at it

Answer 9

No cane has ever been used on me or by me, but I for one received spankings as discipline on many occasions, and did not reserve to use it on my children. as for your 'statistical studies about the damage of physical afflictions", and the other garbage espoused by Spock and other complete fools how about this for some statistics, up until the 1960's, when parents used the 'damaging scare tactics as you call them' not one, not a single school shooting had ever occurred by a student. Since Spock and his brainwashing trash of ideals on how to raise children, there has now been collectively over 9000 school shootings. The number are easily found on line. Any other stupid ideals you people wish to destroy society with?

Answer 10

Proverbs are a set of principles proven true through experience - not a set of commandments or promises.
The idea is that if you fail to discipline your child (the rod of correction doesn't necessarily mean hitting them upside the head with a 2x4) you'll wind up with a spoiled brat. That was true then and its still true today.