What if they don't RSVP?

Question

I'm planning my wedding invitations. My finace brought up an interesting question, and I don't know the answer: If people don't RSVP within the time stated on the invite, do we call them and check on the situation, or do we just assume they are not comming?

I don't want to ruffle any feathers, but I don't want people to feel harrassed into showing up.

Thanks!

Answer 1

if someone does not RSVP by the time indicated on the invitation, then you generally assume they are not coming.

Answer 2

Hopefully you will leave a week or so between the respond date and the time you need to give the head count to the hall or caterer. Calling them can be awkward because people may assume you are just looking for a gift instead of wondering if they will be there. I had a few cousins who didn't respond and I asked my mother to ask their mothers (she talks to her sisters regularly). A good way to get a response is through mothers!

Otherwise, a phone call is not a bad idea as long as you wait a few days after the date (some people may not mail until the actual date) and you stress you just wanted to make sure they got the invitation and that you wanted to make sure they got a meal if they were coming. Just be upbeat and not overly formal about it. If it is someone you are not overly close to and don't feel comfortable to call them, chances are they are not planning on coming anyway. You can also send them an email, but make sure you say that if you haven't heard from them within a few days (give specific date), you will need to assume they are not coming for the head count. The unfortunate thing with emails is that some people don't check it regularly.

Answer 3

Every wedding book I 've read says it is not rude to call and that you should since so many things depend on how many are coming. When I married this summer, I only received RSVPs from about a third of my guests. I called the rest and asked very nicely about it. No one seemed to have a problem at all with it; everyone was very friendly. Another nice thing was the fact I got to talk to a few people in hubby's family I have never met, and I got a chance to chat with a few we don't see often.

But beware, it's never perfect. We had people who RSVPed no that came and we had those that said yes and then didn't show up. Plan on a little give in your estimate.

Answer 4

You will find that a number of guests will not RSVP, even if you pay the postage on the RSVPS. You should call them because you do not want to be surprised on the day with a load of guests you presumed were not coming. Don't call them and be accusing ("You didn't bother sending the RSVP back") but rather just say "We're just getting a final head count"

Answer 5

Calling is perfectly acceptable. Wait a day or two after the RSVP date and and then call and ask if they know whether or not they'll be able to attend. Be polite and tell them something like ..."sorry to bother you, but our caterer needs a head count within the next few days"

No one should be offended by that kind of phone call. I'm sure we'll have to make some of those ourselves. And...in the not-too-distant past, I was the goober who received such a call because I forgot to send in a response card. :-)

Answer 6

It is a sad truth that many people do not RSVP. If you are trying to get an accurate count of those coming to your wedding for food and or seating purposes, always plan for a few more.

Just make sure you have made arrangements for those that did RSVP first, and make arrangements for a certain amount more (you determine how much more).

People don't know your budget or your plans. Don't put yourself out trying to accommodate those who did not let you know they would be there. You may offend a few people, but I promise they will get over it.

Answer 7

It depends on how you feel regarding your budget. If you budget for 150 (based on invitations) and only 90 show up, will you be disappointed at the wasted money? If so, I'd follow up the invitations about a month out from the wedding with a friendly phone call. These are supposed to be your family and close friends you're inviting. I would hope that they would understand.

Answer 8

It may depend on the people you are inviting. We had people that RSVP'd and didn't show up. That really irked me because of the additional costs. We tried to contact them after to see if all was ok, no response. We weren't looking for anything other than to make sure that they were ok.

I would do it on a person to person basis. If they are close to you, I would call. But if they aren't, I wouldn't.

You could send out a postcard asking them to email you their response.

My husband's brother didn't get back to us and he called him to get an answer.

It's common courtesy to RSVP and if you need to cancel to let the people know so they can plan accordingly. Things come up but there is no excuse to not RSVP unless there is a family emergency.

Answer 9

If people don't RSVP it is totally within your bounds to call or e.mail them to see if they will be able to attend. If you are uncomfortable doing this then you should try and find out through family or friends...for example if it were someone from work ask another friend from work if they know if the other will be attending, mention that they did not RSVP and see if this will spur a response.

Answer 10

Do not assume they are not coming. My brother never responds to weddings even if he is planning to go. (Yes, I lecture him. I'm getting married next year and I tell him he'd better not do that anymore.)

But the response could have been lost in the mail or they could have totally forgotten they didn't send it or whatever, so it is best to check with your guests. If you assume they aren't coming, you'll have a problem on your hands on your wedding day.

If you have a lot of people that have not responded, ask you MOH or your mom or fiance's mom to help.

Best of luck!

Answer 11

If they don't respond to the RSVP then call them to see if there coming or not you dont want to assume there not because what happens if they show up.