I hate being so shy, it's getting me down :[?

Question

Hey everyone i'm 16 from n.ireland :]
Umm well i'm basically just a very shy person and it's getting me down more and more everyday.
I started college 2 months ago and well I have friends in it it's just i'm not as "talkative" as they are and I have the feeling that they are kind of awkward when talking to me.. and I don't mean to make them feel that way :[
I'm just scared to be myself in case what they will think of me and I mean i'm a nice person, but I'm just worried they will think I'm boring because i'm quiet. :[ So I just hope they like me for me. And I like each one of them for who they are.
This is one of the reasons i've never had a boyfriend but I don't need one to be happy anyways lol... it would just be nice x]
This is one of the reasons I dread going everyday.
Well I would just like some bits of advice on confidence or something and well yeah i'm upset about this now.
Thanks everyone xxx

Answer 1

Try talking to people about THEM about what THEY like. Try to avoid questions where there is just a yes or no answer as it ends discussion straight away..... Finding out likes and dislikes will give you an advantage in conversation in that you can steer the chatter in the direction you want to go.

Dress the part, comfy and smart and you'll already feel more confident. Try it today NOW.... weekends coming up, dont waste the opportunity. Good luck Emma.

I could list all sorts of other tips, but I dont wanna fill the screen y'know. I'm sure you'll be ok.

** As for public speaking classes, apart from seemingly being wayyyyyy beyond a shy person's first steps to confidence, they can make you develop an over-importance or arrogance, which sadly some people forget to turn off.

Answer 2

OOOH! I was painfully shy from 16-23. I'm 26, now, but I can give you some tips:

*join something. I found I was very good at rowing and cycling. I joined groups that met every week to do both and just by working with people, I made new friends. (Think about it - every type of social situation takes all types. Not everyone in a group can be outgoing and gregarious and you wouldn't want them to. It would be chaotic. The quiet ones have a good role. :)

*exude the type of energy you want to see returned: look at how you present yourself to the world. Are you always walking around, eyes downcast, avoiding people? They won't notice you that way. Smiling is the best way to attract smiling people. Try it in the mirror. Look at how you carry yourself when you walk. Think happier thoughts when you are walking around and I bet folks will notice!

*The "you" stuff. Part of the reason I was shy because I had a weird limp thing. Nothing huge, but I felt like it was a wooden leg. Look at all those things you feel about yourself and - while you are beating yourself up for it - remember that you have to be your biggest fan, too. You are your own champion. So you gotta forgive your little imperfections and, just like with your smile, other people will, too. Nobody cares about your issues as much as you do. You know you aren't boring. A lot of people are "talkative" but don't say much. Concentrate on saying things worth saying. That is infinitely more memorable than endless jabber.

*Make a jump: set your goal low at first, but say you talk to one person a day you don't know. Doesn't have to be big. Pick up something someone drops, ask a question. Start with little social situations you can handle. Then when that works, go a little bigger and start a conversation - or find ways to invite other people to with your great new smile.

At the end of the day, whatever you think you can't do, you can do a little bit. Doesn't have to be big, but over time, you'll find out you aren't as bad at it as you think you are.

Good luck! (remember, smile!)

Answer 3

try not to worry about it too much, that really wont help at all!!

So what if your shy, that doesn't make you a bad person and alot of guys find that attractive, i for one don't like a loud mouth girl to hang around with. The confidence to talk to people will come in time, don't worry, I'm 25 and am still very shy when i meet people and still find it hard talking to even my really close mate's 1 to 1, but i've got alot of friends and get on really well with everyone i meet and i think you'll be the same hun!

if that doesn't work, try getting really drunk!

Answer 4

It's not that bad, I used to be really shy as well. If they are your friends now then they obviously saw something that they liked in you, even if you happen to be closed up or shy. Yes being shy is very hard to overcome but it's something you eventually have to do, because nobody hears your voice or ever hears what you have to say if you don't open your mouth and speak up. True friends are those who love and like you for who you are and how you act. The main cause of being shy is a fear of either being rejected, being made fun of, saying something wrong or just being looked at like an idiot. You can't be afraid of saying what you have to say and when having an input on a subject speaking up and letting people know how you feel and your view on things. To overcome those fears would eventually lead to not being shy I feel. I myself am still a little shy at times, but I've opened up a lot and like you before I opened up I never had a girlfriend, because of the fear of rejection. It takes time to overcome, but just take it one day at a time and try to break out of this habit of fear.

Answer 5

Since you are in college, you can check out books from the library about building self confidence.

Part of the awkwardness might be that you are younger than the average college student (I'm assuming), and they don't know what to say. That will pass.

Part of being shy, I think, is that you are taking everything that other people say or do personally, and as such, other people are afraid of hurting you (so they are awkward), and you are afraid of being offended. If you realize that you cannot be best friends with everyone, and you just quit trying so hard and just be yourself, you might open up more. So what if one or two people don't like you? It is their problem if they don't like you, not yours, so quit worrying about what other people think so much. Then you will be less shy.

Answer 6

That is such NORMAL feelings for anyone of your age. Those girls are probably feeling the same way but they go the opposite route instead of the quiet route. You are so young, I can't belive your in college. But my best advice is it will pass, the older you get and the more experiences you have you learn and grow from and eventually get over shyness. I was the exact same way, and it took me until I got into my thirtees to finally get over that and now I'm just not so shy anymore. If it gets really bad then talk with a professional to help. But just know it's normal and as you grow and learn it gets better. Good luck

Answer 7

Your 16 and started college that's very impressive so keep up the good work. However, when it comes to meeting new people it's always hard to become talkative at first. I think as time go by you will find friends who you can losing up to. Try going to the cafe with ur friends or dropping by there room. This way you will not seem quite and boring. Try to challenge yourself to talk to your friends or at least try to talk about a interesting topic. Its really going to take some time, but its great practice because once you get a job you will need to be able to communicate.

Answer 8

Hey, it's nice to see that i'm not the only shy and quiet one in this world, LOL.
Yeah, i'm really quiet at school too, i don't know why, i'm just not a talkative person and i keep myself to myself.
We're probably gonna have to build up our self confidence by having a hobby to talk to people who actually like the same things as us. But i really hate it when people say things like "Why don't you ever talk" and when i do talk they're like "OMG she talks" :( lol. Good luck :] xx

Answer 9

Fake it. You need to pretend to not be shy. This will get you the practice that you need to overcome your shyness. You know how outgoing people are around other people. Act that way even though it will be uncomfortable at first. Smile, hold eye contact, don't slouch, ask questions, make comments. Keep practicing and eventually it will become more and more natural for you and then you will no longer be faking it. It will be who you are.

Answer 10

You are a person that communicates well.
Show that person with your friends!
You may be shy, but so is everyone else.
Just take one step to talk to them, and you may show them that you are funny and witty.
Don't ever give up!
You are smarter than most.