Last night when I wasn't home, my 10 year old son and wife had a yelling argument. She got frustrated with him and grabbed him by the neck(like choking) with her hands and told him "never to talk to me like that again". I have had to get between them before when she went after him. Normally she is very loving with all of our kids, but gets frustrated easily and flies off the handle. There has never been physical harm to the degree that marks were left. My son told me he wasn't scared b/c she does it all the time to my daughter. Suggestions on how to deal with this?
2007-11-09 01:41:06 · 13 answers · asked by Steve F 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
Do not ignore this.
Up to now, there have been no physical injuries. But this not something a woman who is in control of herself does. If she loses control so much that she does this, you can't really say for sure that she would be able to control herself and not go further, at a later time, can you?
How far would you let it go, if it were anyone but her? Would you make excuses for a stranger, a teacher, a friend, or another relative, if they did that to one of your children? Would you comfort yourself by saying, "Well, sure, he threatened my kid's life in our own home, but most of the time, he's just a top-notch guy"? Would you only wait to act until they physically harmed, or killed, your child?
Whether your kids see it as a realistic threat or not, your wife needs help and your kids have rights. It is their RIGHT to not have their lives threatened. It is their RIGHT to have a home that they can feel comfortable and secure in.
Every ounce of me wants to tell you to call CPS and report what is going on. Your wife should not be with her children until she can manage to keep her temper under control. If you report it, as opposed to a teacher or anyone else who finds out about this, you stand a good chance of getting to keep your kids with you. If an outsider reports it, it's quite possible your children would be removed from the home altogether.
BUT, I know most parents don't report their spouses for something like this, so I'm begging you, MAKE your wife face her weaknesses and actively seek help in the form of parenting classes and anger-management, until she is no longer a threat to your children, and in the meantime, don't let your kids be alone with her. Your obligation, at this point, is to them, not to her.
2007-11-09 02:25:40 · answer #1 · answered by CrazyChick 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
She is a ticking time-bomb.
She needs to do some work understanding what causes the behavior that her kids are doing that she is not able to deal with.
You need to be really clear with her that if she ever lays another hand on your children that you will do what you have to to protect your kids.
I have a 16 yr old and a 3 yr old. You have to learn what developmental stage they are in at every age and why the behavior is happening and deal with it age and developmentally appropriately.
She may not leave marks but that doesn't mean she isn't abusing them. You need to make sure that your kids know to always tell you if she touches them or flips out on them. They need to know that you are there to protect them if Mom isn't.
Giving birth doesn't prepare you to be a parent and doing it wrong for 20 yrs doesn't make you a parent. Learning what your children are capable of and handling them accordingly does.
Good luck!
2007-11-09 01:49:55 · answer #2 · answered by New England Babe 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to have a serious talk with your wife. There is no reason a mother should put her hands around a childs neck, or anybodys for that matter. I understand parents can get frustrated, but something like that is not acceptable behavior at all. If talking to her yourself doesn't work. Call your family doctor and ask about someone your wife could talk to, or you could talk to or everyone could talk to. I think there may be an issue you don't know about or something. I just know, that that is aweful, and someone needs to talk to someone. Whether you talk to her or a professional, but someone does. Does she understand something like that could cause her to lose her children if they said something to the wrong person? Something to think about.
2007-11-09 01:49:04 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell your wife she needs to get into anger management and parenting classes immediately. What she did and is apparently doing to your daughter is not a warning sign of abuse - it's abuse! The classes will teach her how to handle her anger better when she's upset with the kids. If she refuses, or the abuse continues, take the kids and file a CPS report against her. I know you might be hesitant to do this, but it's necessary if you want to put your child's best interests first. Good luck.
2007-11-09 01:48:41 · answer #4 · answered by SoBox 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You should go to counseling together. She may be depressed and handling her feelings in the wrong way, and its very dangerous. I would suggest going with her the first time and sharing your feeling about anger issues with the counselor/therapist/w/e and then she could go on her own after that.
Your children need help too, but I would take them on different days to maybe a different person, unless you get one person for the entire family to start off with.
2007-11-09 02:22:16 · answer #5 · answered by Shannon 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It shouldn't have become a "Yelling argument" in the first place. You're wife is right. He should NEVER talk to her like that again. I don't care what he said, the fact that they had a ""Yelling argument" is all I need to know to know that he should NEVER talk to her like that again. Here's my 2 cents:
Cent 1- You need to get your wife under controll. That is illegal! And it is just wrong! She is the adult, she needs to act like it. Do you want to teach your kid it is ok to hurt people when yelling doesn't work? Do you want them to fear physical harm every time they express a though!? Get her under controll, get her some counseling, maybe even some pills, whatever it takes, do it!
Cent 2- You need to get your kids under controll. "Yelling argument"? With a grown adult and her 10 year old child? It takes two to have a Yelling argument. He is in your house, draining your cash, eating your food. He doesn't realize it now, but he doesn't have the right to yell. Don't ever let him yell again.
2007-11-09 01:54:13 · answer #6 · answered by Morgan 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You really need to sit down and talk with her about this. This behavior is uncalled for, and it isn't teaching your children anything positive. She sounds like she has an anger issue. She will probably blow up at you when you talk to her about this. She must feel as though it's not wrong, or she wouldn't do it. She is teaching the kid's that it's OK to put you're hands on someone who makes you mad.... Not good! You're kid's will treat their loved ones this way and get into some big trouble. You need to put you're foot down and stop this crazy behavior! Good luck!!..
2007-11-09 01:46:23 · answer #7 · answered by ~Kim~ 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Here is something that I didn't see mentioned. A lot of mothers with anger and frustration problems are often depressed. You might want to check into it, as it is a main symptom of depression.
2007-11-09 02:04:59 · answer #8 · answered by punchy333 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously you need to have a talk with her about your concerns..There is no need to rush off and accuse her of being "an abuser" but let her know that her actions point towards someone with rage issues...
She might get upset, but something needs to be said!
2007-11-09 01:44:02 · answer #9 · answered by MeL 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That's just wrong , your kid's are going to end up mental or worse ... Stop that crap before it get's worse , you can't see the emotional scars but they are there , child abuse is a crime so it's best you take care of this situation today !
http://www.childabuse.org/
Read this one please
http://www.childabuse.org/preventing%20abuse.html
2007-11-09 01:50:30 · answer #10 · answered by Godzilla Gal 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋