Did you overcome a neglected childhood?

Question

How did you do it? You were the child always placed last, 'Allowed,' to sacrifice your wants and needs for you siblings, contribute your teenager paycheck to the family, your school accomplishments ignored, mother or father siblings because parent(s) at the bars. You had to stand up to the 'monsters,' parent(s) had for friends and brought home.
What procedures/coping devices/mental tricks did you use?
Has your own family suffered because it took you so long to 'practise being a parent?'

Yes One, my dear woman, good for you. Keep the faith.

Know what you mean, Been There. I'm 62YO. My mother and MIL never take my advice on anything, but always end up wrong, but whatever my wife and I do, is constantly criticised. We yell at them once a year, makes no difference. My mother told me, 'you're my son, so you have to do what I want.' Try to, well really, I have no solution to my old ladies, so I can't give you any advice. I think this is only resolved for us by good karma. There might be no earthly reward in that, but Bless the Dalai Lama.

Just Me, Been There, and One. Aren't you all wonderful. JM and BT, isn't it quite a miracle, we, 'broke the cycle,' and with no experience, gave/give our own children what we were denied? This old man sees angels in you.

Got you Wizzards, glad you are still here. I think some neglected children, develope a certain resignation to the neglect that gives off a aura of vincibility that is picked up by psycopaths and child molesters. Even good parents can, because of devoting themselves to society's good, ignore their children. Perhaps this is why so many prominent people's adult children get in trouble? I had many disturbed people attack me, when I did nothing to them. Still do. I don't like my ability to rage at my aggressors, but, as you indicate, this whole mess was not our choice, and we SURVIVE.

JustMe, you did not sound bitter, just stating facts. Again, good for us all. And thank you all for sharing.

Answer 1

Same here. I was always looked at as the surrogate mother since both parents worked. I had 4 sisters and they were always allowed to be children while I had to cook dinner and make sure they do their homework. In a lot of ways, it made me a better person, because now I live on my own and manage my money pretty well while my sisters still live with my mother. It depends on your personality. Either the experience will be too much for you or you'll use it to your advantage.

Answer 2

I was starving for love and acceptance. I have never felt like I belonged in any group. My family disappeared after my parents divorced (on my dad's side) and my family on my mom's side is mostly passed away. He moved out of state, and she was too busy with her new found "freedom" to care what my sister and I did (8 & 12 at the time) I won't go into all of my life lessons. Just know most of them were learned the hard way. Most would describe me as very independent and a loner.
It has made me more determined not to repeat the mistakes of my parents. I am the opposite of them. I am very involved in my children's lives. I help out in class, I go to every recital, and all their games and practices (my parents never went to one of my games. My coach would take me to away games). I make sure I hug them and tell them how much I love them every day. I know what it is like to be ignored, so I make a consience effert not to do that to my children. I also have a stable marriage. Neither of us had a very good childhood, so we both do whatever it takes to solve our issues, so we can stay together and be there for each other and our kids. My childhood sucked. Because of that, I am determined to do everything I can to give my kids the things I never had. Love, Stability, Acceptance, and Dicipline.

Answer 3

Yes, I had an extremely painful and abusive childhood-with neglect by both parents. Um...all I can say is that God got me through it because He had a plan for my life. Otherwise, I would have died a few times.